Chasing my Hot Air balloon

Worth it(?)

2010-10-12T21:56:00.000-07:00

Doing a pretty good job of keeping this up, if I do say so myself. I made a pledge to myself to get in bed by 11 every single night from now on so I gotta make this kind of brief.

I'll be the first one to admit that I'm not a funny person haha. But I was thinking about how to be funny and make other people laugh sometimes people will make fun of other people in a way that sometimes isn't always necessarily funny or taken as a joke to that specific person. I'm definitely not one who's never made a joke like that. To be honest it feels great to make other people laugh. Even if it's at someone else's expense. But I was wondering is it really worth it?

We all know how it feels to be on the butt end of a joke like that. Even if it's hilarious and it makes everyone laugh really hard it doesn't make you feel good at all. You definitely feel really left out and put down. On the other side, sure it might make you feel like a funny person and feel good about yourself for a while cus you made a funny joke about someone but at their expense, putting them down?

I definitely feel like I sound like that guy that tries to defend someone and ruin the joke or somebody's mom. Anyways I just don't feel like its right. That was basically the point. Good night.

Woops.

2010-10-08T01:37:00.000-07:00

Haven't done this in hella days. I feel like I've posted that on this blog so many times. Anyways. I know I say this every single time I write a blog post. literally. But it blows my mind every single time. No matter how old or accomplished or awesome or smart I think I am at any given point. Give me a couple months, a couple weeks, even a couple days and I always look back on myself and it just strikes me how much I've changed, usually for the better. I look back at how I was before and think to myself: Dang I can't believe I thought I couldn't get any better at that point, I definitely shouldn't think like that anymore. But I can't help myself. And after a few days I always find myself thinking the exact same things.

Anyways now that I've said that for the 7th time, I'm a month or two into my junior year now, haven't had much time to blog but I think I'm gonna start putting time into doing this, it doesn't take too much effort and feels nice to get my thoughts out of my head. Anyways junior year. It's alot of work for sure. But it's also tons of fun. I honestly really like being challenged by all of the work and I love being an upperclassmen and having all the little underclassmen walk around me as opposed to having to move around big older kids. It's pretty sweet. I get to that class that much faster now. Shortest distance between two points is a straight line. I know it's alot of work but one of my biggest pet peeves is when people stress out so much. Ok maybe it's not really one of my pet peeves but i just don't get why people stress out so much. I mean yeah you could have 3 tests the next day, a presentation to prep for and other work to do and you could either just stay cool and get the work done or you could stress out and freak out and explode. I just don't feel like stressing out would help you at all. Cus it just adds that much added pressure on you and it makes it feel like your world is caving in. You feeling what i'm saying?

Ok, it's pretty late I should probably be getting to bed now. Just one last thing I wanted to reiterate that I wanted to remind myself and all y'all (whoever reads this haha I have no clue. let me know if you actually read this haha as silly as it sounds it makes me feel good and hecka encourages me to write more when people are like ya dude i read your blog. i mean if you hate it let me know too thats fine with me.) that the worst thing you could possibly ever do is be down on yourself. Life is definitely a struggle, and everyday we're survivors (yeee class 2012). but in all seriousness there are already so many challenges that we all have to overcome in life; and so much adversity that we will all have to face and defeat. People are gonna put you down and try to bring you down and the worst thing you could possibly do is get down on yourself too. Never do that to yourself. That's what other people are for. You don't let someone else bring you down and you DEFINITELY don't let you bring you down. Cus if you don't even believe in yourself, what makes you think that other people will? All I wanted to say really. Sorry. Could've made this a one sentance blog post. haha mahhh bad. Ok Until next time. Hopefully soon. You're all beautiful people. and I mean that. Talk about that next time.

btw. that didn't work out too well. lolz VV

Day 13: Someone I wish could forgive me

2010-07-30T01:01:00.000-07:00

Dear __________,

I'm still lookin for you too. We'll see who fills this one

Sorry these are getting so boring. Hopefully I'll get one I have alot to say about soon

Day 12: Someone who I hate/caused me the most pain

2010-07-27T22:01:00.000-07:00

No one yet. But I'll save some space for this one and write it when that person comes along

Day 11: Deceased person I wish I could talk to

2010-07-26T00:26:00.000-07:00

Dear MJ,

I wish I could've gotten a chance to talk to you. To find out where you got your inspiration from. To find out how you were so innovative and how you basically had the world in the palm of your hand. Also to find out exactly what you were thinking when you went bad. The world was robbed when you died so early. You were a talent and a gift.

Day 10: Someone I don't talk to as much as I'd like to

2010-07-26T00:19:00.000-07:00

Dear Ben Chung,

Dude. You're a brother to me. Even though we don't really talk that much, usually once a month during the school year and once a week this summer, and we don't really ever hang out haha, I always look forward to and enjoy talking to you. We can be freakin raw and honest with each other and I respect and admire you alot. I love how frank you are about everything and how no matter how much time passes between the times we talk it's never awkward when we start talking again. We laugh hella hard at funny things and we laugh hella hard at nothing at all hahaha. You're a good listener and you're always positive but you still always give your honest opinion. I feel like if we talked alot we'd be the best of friends and brothers but we got it goin good right now so why mess widdit.

Day 9: Someone I wish I could meet

2010-07-25T23:39:00.002-07:00

Dear grandparents,
I wish I could have met any one of you. Is it fair that I never got the chance to have a relationship with a grandparent? Well I dunno, can't really miss what you never had right? I just wish I had a chance to meet one of you. Maybe you would've taught me life lessons that I'd pass down to my grandchildren. Maybe we'd hang out together, and we'd talk about things that I couldn't talk about with anyone else. I'll never know

Punny Story

2010-07-25T23:18:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there were two friends.
One day they came upon a gigantic toilet, filled with pee
While they were gazing upon the gigantic toilet, one friend pushed the other in.
The friend fell in and swam to the surface.
The other friend, looking down at his friend swimming in the pee, yelled down to him "GROSS!!!! LOOK HOW DEEP UR-INE!!"

Day 8: Internet Friend

2010-07-23T08:48:00.001-07:00

Dear Internet Friend,
I don't have one of you. But maybe it would be cool to. Anyways, I don't have anything to say to you. Maybe we could become friends in real life one day.

Day 7: Past Crush

2010-07-22T00:50:00.000-07:00

Dear Annie,
You were the biggest crush I've ever had and the longest too. All the way from after I met you until the middle of sophomore year. You know how we went to the first two winter formals together? I thought we were gonna go to all 4 together and both proms too. I honestly didn't know who I'd rather go with. I'm not sure how you ever felt about me cus I could never get straight words out of you but now it doesn't really matter. I'm happy that I can say that we never had a bad falling out or anything. I guess I just moved on. I found true love (:. I wish the same for you too. You're a pretty, smart, and sweet girl and anyone guy would be lucky to have you. We're always going to be good friends and I'm always gonna be there for you.

Day 6: Stranger

2010-07-21T23:46:00.000-07:00

Dear Stranger,
You don't know me. That's pretty much a given. Maybe you see me around. I hope I've made a good first impression on you. Probably not. I'm a pretty embarassing kid. Feel free to judge me. I don't really mind what other people think about me. I'm sure once you get to know me you'll change your mind. You can really judge me then. I hope I haven't annoyed you or pissed you off. If I have it hasn't been intentional. I hope we can be friends someday. That'd be cool. Then instead of being a part of the group of people for this letter, you could have one of your own! Just talk to me. I'll talk back

Day 5: My Dreams

2010-07-20T20:36:00.000-07:00

Dear dreams,
I don't know what you mean by dreams. My sleeping dreams or my future dreams? I'll write to both. Dear sleeping dreams. I don't usually remember you guys. Sorry. It's not that you're not important to me, it's just that I don't figgin remember you guys for some odd reason. sorry. The last dream I remember, I got killed by an atomic bomb. So maybe it's for the better that I don't remember you guys.

Dear future dreams. You're kind of unclear right now. Lemme just throw out some of you. In the future I don't want to be the kind of guy who works and works and works all through school and finally gets a good job and is successful all so that he he can make alot of money for himself to have the financial security for himself and his family. Don't get me wrong. I definitely want to be able to make money so that me and my family will never have to worry about having enough money.

But at the same time I don't want to have a life soley centered around money making. Money isn't everything. Backtrack a little. From the start our parents have pushed us into working hard in school. Work hard in school they say. Get a good education. Go to a good college. Use all of that to get a good job. Be succesful and make alot of money. Ultimately what do they want for us?

Ultimately they want us to, with this financial security and wealth, to be able to pursue our interests and lead happy lives. But suppose we don't spend all that time spending every possible minute hitting the books hard. Suppose we take the time in our lives to leave it all behind and just spend time having fun.. to be happy. Sounds weird huh. But if you think about it, all our parents want for us in the end is to be happy. But if we spend the time we could be using to study instead to take the time to enjoy life and be happy, aren't we achieiving the same end? Just through different means.

Ok I got really sidetracked. I digress. What I was trying to say is, to spend all that time in school only to grow up with the single purpose of making money for myself seems to me like a very selfish lifestyle. I recognize that it's the accepted view for most everybody out there and that it's basically the norm, but I honestly think it's at least a little bit selfish. I mean we work all those years to go to work for ourselves and our dearly beloved. Only those who are really succesful ever help out anyone else. And so my dream for the future is not to have a job where I make loads and loads of money. My dream for the future is to do something where every day of my life I have an opportunity to change someone else's life for the better. That's my idea of a productive life. I mean money will never ever buy you happiness. But by giving someone else happiness, they give some of it back to you. And that's the most priceless thing ever.

I guess that sounds kinda corny. Whatever I'll admit it, I'm a corny guy. Deal with it. What inspires me the most about leading a life to help others is that anyone can do it. It doesn't take brains. It doesn't matter if you scored a 2400 on your SAT or if you had a 5.0 GPA and was valedictorian of the world. It doesn't take any talent, skill, or brains to show compassion to another human being, to be willing to work hard for someone else's sake. All it takes is open ears and a willing heart. That is a big part of my dream.

I would also like to be someday happily married. And I would die after my wife, or at the same time, because I would promise never to leave her and I would never break that promise. I would want us to always be happy and to raise our kids well and teach them right about what's actually important in life. I want to someday be old and look back on my life and be completely absolutely content with it. I feel like that feeling of absolute acceptance and content would be the most amazing in the world. That would be true happiness. That would be my dream.

The Hair

2010-07-18T16:29:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my pops and I made a bet over a tennis match. loser gets their head buzzed by the winner.

Down to the final point, my dad hits the ball at the net, seemingly resulting in victory for me. However, due to some freak chance of luck, the ball drops into the court.

With my luscious locks on the line, I lost by a hair.

I now look like a mushroom.

Btdubs if yall didn't catch my drift this is supposed to be a punny story.
I wouldn't actually bore you guys with a story like this..
shoutout to mah bud anika jahlani

Day 3: Parents

2010-07-18T16:09:00.000-07:00

Dear Mom,
I think you are super funny, one of the funniest people I know. You're an inspiration to me because you work really hard and you're really frank about me (example: mom: your haircut is hideouuus). You're always really energetic about life and you think of the most interesting ways to see things. You get really hard on me sometime when I'm lazy and I don't do my work and honestly even though I complain so much about it I appreciate it because I need somebody to keep me in line. I'm sorry I caused you so much pain by comin out backwards hahah I can say I'm not a normal kid. But I love you alot mom!

Dear Dad,
You are a goober. You bought reading glasses and your vision is perfect. You wear them on the end of your nose and call yourself dumbledore. You do the funniest things and say such strange things that always make me laugh. (Uhh. what's the airplane flight path?) You laugh way harder at your own jokes than anyone else ever does haha. You're really unfair and harsh on me sometimes, but I love you all the same. I know sometimes I can be a smartass to you (alot actually) but usually I'm tired or it's just plain something I feel like I should fight for. You take time to spend time with me and teach me new things and you're always looking out for my benefit and my welfare, which I don't fully appreciate. You always tell me that I should appreciate what I have more and even though on the outside I deny it to your face, on the inside I truly believe it. You give me the chance to pursue whatever I want in life and you support me no matter what and that's the most that anyone can do for anyone. I love you Dad.

Day 2: The Crush

2010-07-18T15:13:00.000-07:00

Ok I'm gonna come straight up and say I don't have a crush. Don't believe me? I honestly don't. You might be thinking. What about Robin!?!? Yeah she's not my crush. That's far to insignificant of a word to describe the way I feel about her. I loveher. She's the only girl for me. Aite I'm gonna try to write this letter without getting too corny or making anyone want to feel like throwing up aha.

Dear Robin,
You're in China right now. I miss you more than anything. I can't wait until you come home. But you should already know that. I love you more than anything. You should already know that too. I try to tell you every day. I feel so comfortable and content when I'm with you and you always know how to make me smile and make me laugh and make me happy. Even with the simplest ways. I feel I can always completely be myself around you. You always take me the way I am, faults and quirks and everything, you even complement mine with yours. I'm the luckiest guy in the world cus you're all mine and I'm definitely going to make it last. I love that we can talk about anything, we have nothing to hide from each other but we're also amazingly content saying nothing at all. I think you are the cutest thing in the world and also the most beautiful girl in the entire world. The way you make me feel is amazing and im completely sure that no other person in the world can make me feel the same way. If you ever don't think I don't love you, look at the compilation. I always have things to add to it. You are my baby, forever and always.
Love,
Eric

Day 1: Best Friends

2010-07-16T23:28:00.000-07:00

These are my best friends. I don't know what I would ever do without them.

Dear Will Tang, I love you. We hit off our friendship with a 5 am baseball game drinking imaginary soda and watching the sun rise together. Gahd we're romantic. I seriously can tell you anything at all and you're always honest with your opinion which I love. We can always carry a continuous conversation that flows on and on. I've shared good laughs with you about the most random things and sometimes about things that aren't so random. You're reliable, I know you're always be there when I need you and that I can count on you no matter what. We talk about girls together, stargaze on beautiful nights, wrestle, play and fight (i win) and basically you're the older brother I never had.

Dear Kaitna,: We've had our one rough patch where I wasn't there for you but I can honestly say that you have always been there for me. We can talk about anything and we can talk forever and you're always fun to be around and you (usually) support me in whatever i do hahahah. I feel super comfortable around you and I can totally be myself and it's so liberating. You're super encouraging and you're honestly one of the kindest and most popular people I know. Even though you're a sasshole and pretends to hate me sometimes I love her all the same.

Dear Krista: You're a fun and funny one. I always thought it was really easy to talk to you and that it was always fun and easy for me to be around you but I think our heart to heart that one night at j in the b really strengthened our friendship. We totally spilled our guts about everything and from then on we've only grown closer. You put up with all of my jokes and you even laugh at some of them. hahah actually that goes for everyone here. You introduce me to great music and you're patient with my guitar learning (even though i just go GOD I HATE GUITAR ITS SO HARD). hahaha you always listen to what I have to say and give me advice and I love you for that.

Dear Jason: When I first met you I thought you hated me. You still pretend like you do alot. Even though you always say fuck you and tell me to suck your dick you're still a bro to me. I like that we can joke around about random stuff and basically talk about nothing at all but we can also put our serious pants on and talk about what really matters. usually in your car at night over wingstop. You're one of those people who is honest through and through to the point of being blunt and rude. But because of that I trust your judgement no matter what. I feel like you've rubbed off on me and I know you'll be very happy about that. You smell like baby powder and even though constantly call me corny I know you secretly dig my jokes and romantic lines. love you big fella.

Dear Jon: When I first met you I thought you hated me too hahahhaaha. I really got to know you on the LA trip and we had a great bonding experience hahahahha then I learned we were pretty figgin similar and we've hung out almost every day this summer. I love your honestly and bluntness. You're not gonna sugarcoat something for me or anyone else and so i value your opinion. It's always fun to hang out with you cus I always feel like I have stuff to say to you. Specially when I throw up a 40 with Melo.

Dear Olivia: Where do I start? You've been my best friend forever. It all started back in the 3rd grade at xin wang ai. Actually back then you were NOT my best friend. You were the cause of me losing 2 hard earned stickers. What an upsetting day. Fastfoward 7 years and we're the best of friends. We've definitely been through alot together. You've gotten pretty figgin mad at me but I have yet to get really really mad at you. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we meet it. But anyways you are the only person that isn't in choir (that you always remind me whenever I tell you this) that has ever seen me cry. And it's been twice. Wow. You are always always always there for me no matter what and you always listen to me and never fail to cheer me up. (there, there.) I love all the random adventures we go on and all of our spontaneous activities. You know me so well inside and out that you can always tell what's on my mind or if I'm upset or what not. You make me laugh even though half the time you're not even trying to (smashh...into...you...). I always enjoy spending time with you and i do actually miss you when we're not hanging out hahaha. (olivia: he's probably like tim, he hates me.) It's easy for me to talk to you and I can talk to you about literally everything. You always support me and encourage me. And I will always always always be here for you big sis (:

Letters

2010-07-16T18:04:00.001-07:00

Stole this from Joyee's blog
http://omnistrain.tumblr.com/page/2

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favourite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

So basically I guess you write a letter to each of these people erryday. I'm excited. I feel like it'll really make me think and it'll be really cleansing and it'll also force me to blog erry day haha good stuff.

Don't Worry, Be Happy

2010-07-15T14:43:00.000-07:00

This morning me and a good friend had a good chat about college. It's kinda early to be talking about it I guess. Not really though if we think about it, all yall out there that are class of 2012. I mean think about it, how fast did freshman and sophomore year pass us? Before we know it it'll be our turn to stress about college apps and our futures. And it's a scary thought, not gonna lie.

My friend was telling me about how she was stressing like crazy about school and SATs and how she thought she was never going to go to college. And listening to her talk, in my head I was thinking. Dude. I should be seriously freaked out and stressed and scared too. But I'm not. What's wrong with me? I really don't know why I have this cool about school. It's a freakin big deal. This is how I explained it to her and I guess this is just what I think about the whole deal without even really consciously trying to. I basically told her that if you study hard and work hard at everything you do and give it everything you have to offer, all you can really do is sit back and let what happens happens. So if you happen to not get into the school you wanted to then what happens happens. But you know that you gave it your all and there was nothing else you could have possibly done to increase your chances. I know how cliche`d and corny I sound haha. I feel like my dad. But there's no point in stressing out about something. That takes a ton of energy. And there are so many more productive things you could be doing with that energy.

Also I was thinking about how alot of people say things like god im never gonna get into college. Or basically they beat themselves up alot. I don't usually let it bother me when people say things like that but in the back of my mind it annoys me. It doesn't annoy me because it's obnoxious but I just feel like it's so unnecessary. Let me explain. We're all basically trying for the same thing. Be successful. Be happy. All that good stuff. And we all have people or organizations or failures and what not that will try to stop us from achieving our goals. They'll try as hard as they can to put us down and make us give up. Going back to the people who say they won't go to college, why would you ever say that about yourself? There are plenty of SAT counselors, college administration officers, and even other parents who I'm sure would be more than happy to tell that to you. Why add to that number? You shouldn't ever discourage yourself. That's what other people are for.

I really believe in never putting myself down. I think if you're good at something, you should be loud and proud. I guess people would call it cocky in some circumstances. I really try not to come across like that but you gotta live with some confidence. Anyways back to the whole college thing. All yall out there worrying about college, please try not to worry so hard about it all. It might seem like, in our high school bubble, that school and SATs are gonna make or break you for the rest of your life, but honestly it's not. The world is so much bigger than grades and scores. I'm not trying to say blow off school haha I'm not saying that at all. I'm just trying to say take a step back, chill out, relax a little bit and then get back into it. And before you know it, we'll all be on our way.

Late Nights

2010-07-13T02:13:00.000-07:00

It's almost 2:30, just up talkin to Robin in China (: I miss her. Anyways. I was thinkin. Maybe it's just me. Aren't people alot more open to talk about whatever the later it is at night? Iono maybe it is just me. But I remember alot of my deep personal conversations with people where they spill their guts about anything and everything and don't hold anything back are usually really late at night either at some camp lying next to each other in the pitch dark whispering or late night phone dates lying in bed half asleep and not even remembering half of the conversation the next day. But I've always wondered why people are so open at night. At night they all just lay everything out and hold nothing back. What drives people so be so straightforward, trusting, and honest at night that doesn't propel them in broad daylight? It'd be cool if someone could fill me in on what they think. I'm really interested in what they think! One of my best friends has an opinion though. "DID YOU KNOW THAT WHEN YOURE REALLY TIRED..YOUR BRAIN IS EXACTLY LIKE WHEN YOURE DRUNK...??" - Olivia Chock

Comeback

2010-07-12T15:36:00.001-07:00

Ok I promise to myself and all of yall that from here on out I will blog at least once a week. When I was thinking about it I was thinking. Ok I'll promise myself every day. But I know that I wouldn't be able to keep that promise that to myself so I'm going for something reasonable. I'll just have to exceed my own expectations. What's been going on with me since the last time i blogged? A ton.

I'm a junior year now. Finally an upperclassman. I'm looking forward to all the word cus even though everyone says it's so much work and stressful and stuff, which I definitely believe, I'm looking forward to really being tested and stressed you know? Sounds strange but I feel like this will really show myself what kind of person I am. Do I run from my problems or do I stick with it and work hard to deal with them? We'll see. I also feel like this coming year is gonna help me define my true friends. Just a hunch. I've started doing SAT stuff cus my dad wants me to. Just printed out a list of 723 SAT words. The party's getting started. Memorized 20 hahaha only 703 to go. wooopeee.

Alot's changed with my perspective since the last time I wrote. Weird thing is everytime you write you act like you're super wise and super smart and know eveyrthing now. But then every time you write again a couple weeks later you're like oh wow my eyes have really been opened and I have this new perspective blah blah. Proves we're always learning and growing. I used to wish that I would be grown up and developed and sophisticated and smart and that would be the end of that. But I thought about it and yaknow how boring would it be to have nothing to strive for? Anyways I came back from a long trip in Miami and on a cruise to the Bahamas. This one night I was missssin my girl really badly so I spontaneously decided to text everybody on my contacts list with a significant other for the reasons of love/like. And to my surprise I got a bunch of replies, even from the ones I didn't know that well. It was pretty cool and inspiring and heart warming to see all the responses. I still have all of them on my phone, locked them. But reading all of them made me really happy cus I could completely relate to all of them.

The biggest thing that hit was that no matter how different we all are, we all love the same! (:. It was like that thing that was going on on facebook where people said nice things about each other when you liked their status only different because it was heartwarming all the same. It gets me wondering, when someone really asks. or actually. when someone's really tired haha. I feel like when you're really tired youre super open and willing to talk about things you dont normally talk about and i guess you're just too tired to put up a front and hide anything from anybody yaknow? But anyways when even from the most unlikely people you get this outpour of love when you just ask to talk about it. It's like finding 20 bucks in the back pocket of the jeans you just washed.

Been a While II.

2010-04-25T09:39:00.000-07:00

Ya it's been a while again. When I started this I definitely told myself that I was gonna update every day. I was goin real strong but since then I kinda lost steam. Just not much to talk about yaknow? What's been goin on with me? During spring break the music department at school went to LA for a mini tour. It was pretty fun, not all it was hyped up to be though. That's alright it was still a good time. I met this guy from another school that looked like T-Pain. I already forgot what his name was but I remember I was talking to him and he was telling me how our violin section of our orchestra was bigger than their entire orchestra. I was like dang dude. We definitely are really lucky and fortunate to be in the situation that we're in (saratogans) It also helped me realize that despite our differences. Me and T-Pain were pretty similar. He was a really nice guy who loved music just like me. We could relate easily despite our racial and situational differences. That's pretty all I wanted to write this blog post for actually. Just wanted to get that off my mind and on the internet. I'll probably write again later. Gotta go look for my Swag

#71. The Comeback

2010-03-29T22:51:00.000-07:00

Ok it's been forever since I wrote. Even more forever than last time. I'm not sure I remember how to do this anymore so I'm gonna be all over the place. I promised a friend I'd do this though so here we go. From the last time I blogged until now it's been pretty hectic. I've been pretty busy since baseball season started since I don't get home until 6:30 and I definitely don't start my homework until 9. Gettin into some prettttttty bad habits. I just ate 30 cuties. I'm pretty sure I'm melting from the outside in. I noticed that I open fruits in weird ways. I'll try to open a cutie in one piece. I open bananas the way monkeys do, from the back. Wow I hope this isn't boring for you haha I feel like it would be.

Ok also something I've been wanting to talk about since I heard about it is Challenge Day at our school. So I was a fool and didn't sign up for it but I heard it was amazing. Basically the gist (did I spell that right?) is you get together with everyone else who signed up or who was picked and basically you tell each other your hardships and cry together and love each other and feel good and stuff. And it's one of those things where afterwards you feel all lovey dovey and you love everyone and you wanna be an amazing peron. But the thing that I wonder is why we can't be like that all of the time? And a while after the effects definitely wear off. Basically though, why does it take an organized event for people to realize that they care about each other and love each other? As well as that other people are amazing too? We should look for these things in other people every day and devote ourselves to being loving people. It's like that BEP song. Where's the love? I dunnooo. So catchy.

Another thing. Been frustrated kinda lately about some decisions. And basically I learned something. A wise friend told me that I can't always make my decisions based on what makes other people happy, and that sometimes I have to decide on what makes me happy. Now that I think about it, I've always strived to try to make others happy, sometimes at my own expense. But that's living for others, and not myself, and sometimes I'd be the one coming away feeling unsatisfied. I'm going to be more conscious in the future to not only make others happy but myself as well. Not in a selfish way, but you can only share happiness with other people when you yourself are happy, when you have happiness to share. Ok that is all, but here's a quote that has become one of my favorites.

"You can turn the sun off, but I'm stil gonna shine"
-Jason Mraz

Ages

2010-02-11T23:49:00.000-08:00

Today a friend I was talking with suddenly said "DUDE. You haven't blogged in forever. I checked the blog yesterday and I was trying to find the new one but there was nothing!!" My first reaction was Oh, shoot, I'm pretty flattered that people keep up with and care about what I say. My second reaction was, Oh, shoot, I haven't written anything in forever! It's been a rough.. month-ish? Since the last time I wrote. Baseball's started so I've had basically none time to do my work and study for tests and play piano, let alone blog. The going's been rough. I figured with the great times I enjoyed earlier this year, there had to be some rough patches.

To put it simply, this past month or so, I've felt inadequate. Either I haven't been giving enough of myself, or 100% of myself just isn't enough. I've felt inadequate in school, inadequate in sports, inadequate in Tensync/choir and in friendships. The list goes on and on. I feel like I've been giving it half effort but I'm drained like I'm going all out. It's been a while since I've experienced the feeling of being truly fullfilled at the end of the day. I've also felt a trend towards being mean spirited some times. I find that for myself it's easier to be insensitive to others feelings and be really apathetic with my interactions with others simply because it takes less effort. But like what any sports coach will tell you, you only get from something what you put into it. It's like stickin a dime in the vending machine and hitting coin return expecting a dollar coin. Dream all you like, it's not gonna happen. Same thing for school too. I told myself I was really going to hit the book hard this semester and not have to worry come finals. But the reality is that my lack of interest and effort is alarming. Whenever I think about it or someone talks about it I just wanna say Dude, I don't give. And being in the mean state that I am it's a possibility.

It's currently 12:08, not too late by any means. But I have class tomorrow at 7:50 so maybe staying up to write a bit will turn out to be a bad idea, but I find that without writing, all of my thoughts get really bottled up and I get really frustrated. And since I haven't written in a really long time, the words just flow out easy. Real easy. It's like I got unlimited things to say. I wish I actually did. Sometimes I'll be talkin to someone. And I'll just have nothing to say to them. It's weird. Pretty awkward too. It's all like, hmmmm I wanna say something to you but I flat out have nothin to say. Does that happen to other people? I've always wondered. Sometimes though, I can keep talking and talking and talking. I wish it could be like that all the time. That would be splendid. Splenda, that sounds familiar. I think it's tea or something..? That sounds really good right now actually. I think I'm getting sick. Anyways I've gotten wayyy off topic and I stopped being serious maybe 5 lines ago. Alright, time for bed. I'm goin on a hunt. Tryin to rediscover my passion for life.

Definition.

2010-01-25T18:25:00.000-08:00

i - pron.
Used to refer to oneself as speaker or writer.
n. pl. I's
The self; the ego.

"Accept no one's definition of your life. Define yourself." - Harvey Fierstein

That's definitely one of my favorite quotes of all time. And also one quote that I have never ever been able to follow in my life. I feel like I've always been content to be whatever everybody says I am. It hasn't necessarily been bad but it's felt like I've been under restraint. And of my own free will. My own prisoner. But I mean like really, who knows who/what we are? How do we even know who we are? I feel like life's a journey to discover just that. That's why I feel like those really old people are content and at peace when they die. Their journey is through and they've discovered themselves, and now they are at peace. That just seems so awesome. I know that I'm nowhere near that point. But I'm out to yaknow, kinda figure out who I am and get some solidity in my life. But even that's subject to change. Man, I feel like a walking contradiction. Haha, I guess it's only natural. But it's gonna be fun. I mean I love finding out more stuff about other people, because it's so uncommon that they open up and it's just something that I treasure because I love learning more about other people and learning more about yourself is even more exciting because you're the only one who's ever with you all the time so gotta learn more about yourself, otherwise you're gonna have alot of awkward conversations. (Ok that was a bad joke.)

Anyways, time for a quick little slide into a side topic. A song that a good friend of mine showed me recently has a really deep meaning to me. Well for everybody actually. The first time I listened to it it gave me shivers.

The Motions - Matthew West
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLJF9vaIJ_0

This might hurt
It’s not safe
But I know that I’ve gotta make a change
I don’t care
If I break
At least I’ll be feeling something
‘Cause just ok
Is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything?
Instead of going through the motions

No regrets
Not this time
I’m gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love
Make me whole
I think I’m finally feeling something

It's a Christian song, and I'm not exactly religious but I totally feel what the song is saying. It's hecka easy, specially in the high school days to just fall into a routine and do whatever it takes to just get by so we stay comfortable. It takes effort to step outside our comfort zones, do something we never did before or talk to someone new. But you know what, it makes life that much more worth living. There's another song that my friend gave me that I really really liked.

Life After You - Daughtry
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cvm2OYF2p7E

One line in particular actually. "All that I'm after is a life full of laughter." I like to laugh. I like people who make me laugh. Everything makes me laugh. I laugh at everything, even things that aren't funny, even things that I say. haha that last one is all bad. I like it when I laugh so hard that my abs get a workout. And since I like people that make me laugh, and I laugh at everything, I like everybody. I came up with something clever. check it out. So I think that we should always be laughing because somewhere in the world someone just said or did something funny, and we shouldn't miss out!

Last thing, I think that eating and reading/doing homework at the same time is seriously like the best idea ever because it's like killing two birds with one stone. Which, by the way doesn't even make sense because you couldn't even kill retarded birds with one stone. It would have to be a huge stone. And then you wouldn't be able to throw it. Which makes the whole expression dumb. Ok that is all for now, it is windy, maybe I will be swept up and end up in Kansas.

-E Wang

It's a Juggling Act

2010-01-16T10:23:00.000-08:00

I've really been thinking tons about school lately. Now that first semester of my sophomore year is over and finals are gone, I've got a short period to just chill without having to worry about my schoolwork, and it's amazing. As second semester approaches, I give some thought to how I want to do in this next semester. I tell myself that I'm going to bust my ass on every assignment so that by the time the finals come around I won't even have to worry. But then I wonder, don't I always tell myself that? Somehow I still end up with some borderline grades and have to worry about finals. It puzzles me how that tends to be the ending.

School's a juggling act, with all the subjects to learn and study and then get tested on. There's tons to worry about and if you get lazy and start slacking off in a class, dropping the ball, so to speak, it's tough to get it back up. But that's not even the beginning of the difficulty. I'm really not trying to sound cocky or arrogant or conceited, but I know that if I really wanted to, I could have amazing grades every semester. If I dropped everything else and totally dedicated myself to school, it would be a breeze. How come I don't, if it would make so many people, like my parents and..eh, well just my parents happy? I guess it's cus I believe that lives aren't made in school. I mean you're never going to look back 20 years from now and be like oh yeah! I remember all those great chem lectures, or oh yeah, I'm so glad I did all those quote journals for Much Ado About Nothing! Not really. You can always catch up on your school work but you can't catch up on fun. Same thing goes for sleep too, but that's another story.

The difficulty in school lies not in the juggling, school itself, but in juggling while walking a tightrope. All of the time we pour into hanging out, extracurriculars, and just plain screwing around is all time taken away from our school work, making it even harder to keep juggling the balls. Sometimes when we trip up on the tightrope and drop all the balls, it does indeed seem like our lives are spiraling out of control, but it's always been said that man falls to learn how to pick themselves up again.

The Day the Earth (Didn't) stood Still

2010-01-14T20:05:00.000-08:00

Seems to me like so far 2010 is a lesson in loss, first on a personal level and now on a global level. A massive 7.0 magnitude earthquake shook the very foundations of Haiti, killing tens of thousands and leaving millions homeless, without water, without food, and possibly injured. Dead bodies pile the streets and blood literally flows into gutters like water. I can't even begin to imagine such a devastated scene. As quick as relief is coming, as a bystander has describes it, “None of this will seem quick enough if you have a loved one who is trapped, if you are sleeping on the streets, if you can’t feed your children.”

Here on the other side of the world I'm sitting here thinking about how tired I am and how I want to get in bed. Funny how insignificant everything suddenly seems. I want to help. I really really do. But it's naive to think that I can make a difference, truthfully. That any of us can make a difference. Sounds kinda pessimistic. Maybe because I'm tired. I guess all we can do really is remain hopeful and pray for them. And again, never hold back on telling someone how much you care about them. Because you never know when your world could be shaken up and everything could be taken away from you. Well, that is all, time to sleep. My heart and best wishes go out to the victims of the Haiti earthquake. Stay strong guys.

School(ed) in Rhyme

2010-01-13T21:21:00.000-08:00

This here's my little try
A rhyme about school
We say we'd rather die
But without it we're fools

Truth is, school ain't that bad
There we met tons of friends
That otherwise we might'a never had
And we get in on all the trends

But one question I got is why?
Where is all this learning gonna take me, take us?
It takes up so much time
A good enough answer isn't just cus.

This year I met this girl named Pam
She's pretttty cool
As exciting as a BAM!!
This stanza makes me look like a tool.. (KIDDING. hahahaa)

Now for me it's sophomore year
Freshman year passed so fast
Before I know it, graduation will be near
I'm hoping to make it last

In high school we deal with so much crap
Do we really need any of that?
Someone should provide us with a map
To show us the way. STAT.

Alcohol, Smoking, Drugs
Terrible for your body, mind and soul
They aren't a replacement for love, kisses, and hugs
Those people making bad choices, they needa be 'tol.

There so much to deal with in life
We don't always know what to do
One thing's for sure, it doesn't always rhyme
And so be happy with conforming like everyone else, neither should you

As we go through school what we really learn about is our friends, ourselves, and life
Got some encouragement for 20-10, this upcoming year
To stay happy as possible, have fun, try to avoid strife,
Keep your head up, and don't listen to haters, cus they ain't sayin what you wanna hear.

-E. Wang

PS. "Don't waste time being unhappy because you never know who could be fallin' in love with your smile." -E. Wang

^ See what I did there? I took that quote, changed some words, and now it's mine!! Just kidding. That's called plagarism. And I shouldn't do it. Neither should you. Good night

Saw this somewhere. I liked it.

2010-01-11T15:22:00.001-08:00

Aite so it's finals week..so I'm not gonna be sayin much. I was messin around in Chinese class today and I found this quote

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Think about it

Shoot man, this is REAL stuff.

2010-01-07T16:25:00.000-08:00

Recently a young man, a former SHS student and part of the music department family, passed away in his sleep. Imagine that. Just falling asleep and never waking up. It seems like this year is a lesson in mortality for me. When I was little, I used to think that me and everyone I knew was gonna live forever. Yeah, I'd hear on the news about how there were accidents and homicides and things like that, but it would never ever happen to people I knew, no, we were all gonna live forever. I'd spend my time making plans for when I grew up. I had to come up with tons and tons of fun and interesting things to do. Because hey, I was gonna live forever, and that meant once I became a millionaire, I was gonna have SO much free time!! And even as I've learned that you don't live forever, it hasn't actually hit me that people die.

If you think about it, we take sooo so much in life for granted. For those of us in the Bay Area, most of us are pretty dang well off. Maybe even spoiled. Like us Saratogans, we live in a very rich and safe city. Nothing bad happens here. But people complain about how it's so boring and they can't wait to get out. We just can't appreciate what we have unless it's taken away from us. The same goes for life itself. There have been billions and billions and billions, countless people that have lived before us. And billions and billions of people have died. Think about how much had to go right for you to get born. You parents had to be born and meet up out of all the people on Earth and their parents had to be born and meet up and the chances of you actually ever existing is miniscule to being with. But a majority of us still go through life making nothing of ourselves. And it's really disappointing. Such a great opportunity, maybe the greatest opportunity ever, gone to waste.

Death does not scare me anymore. I'm fine with dying. The scary part is being gone without getting a chance to tell everybody how much I love and appreciate them. So with that in mind, take time to let those important to you how much they mean to you and how you couldn't do without them. I know it sounds depressing, but you never know when you could go, so don't hold back.

Another thing about wasting your life. Recently I've heard about some friends of mine. Not going to name any names, but I've heard that they all get together and smoke. When I first heard about it, I didn't really believe it, but all I can really say is that I'm really disappointed in them. I've definitely lost a good amount of respect for them. I mean how can that ever turn out to be a good decision? You could say Oh, my friends wanted me to. If your so-called friend wanted you to suck up some powdered garbage and destroy your body, then they sure as hell aren't your friend. Has anyone ever said, Gosh, I'm SO glad I smoked in high school!! Nope. Never. It makes me really sad that people would waste their lives like for for maybe an hours satisfaction. It really doesn't make sense to me at all. Could someone who's an avid smoker pleeeease clarify that for me? Cus it doesn't make any sense. Whatsoever.

A Jumble of Thoughts, A Break, and The End Of The Decade

2009-12-30T23:32:00.000-08:00

Where do I start? It really has been a long time since I wrote. To be truthful, I'm writing not because I have anything specific to say, but because I felt a urge to write after such a long hiatus and because I'm waiting for my video of 'The Hangover' on the internet to load. This entry could be compared to a rapper's freestyle rap I suppose. I'm just gonna lay down whatever comes to mind and talk about it. I'm feelin like it's going to be a long one. After all, this is a very significant time of year.

Shoot, all I can think is where do I start..I guess I'll start with Christmas, which just passed. You know, something's funny. In the past Christmas was always so important to me. Right when December started, I'd start counting down the days to Christmas. Back in the day it used to be because I was so excited for presents. Later on it was just cus. This year Christmas just kind of slipped by for me. It surprised me when I woke up to a small army of small children clamoring for me to wake up so they could open their presents. Throughout the day it just really didn't strike me as Christmas. And when it was over it felt just like any other ordinary day. Funny thing is I just might have been excited for it too early. I was really pumped for Christmas around...November 20th. Yup, even before Thanksgiving. I guess I was excited for it too early because by the time it actually rolled around I was all excited-out. This year I wasn't excited about getting anything special, didn't actually expect to receive any presents. And it was a good feeling. It was nice to sit there relaxing while watching my little cousins open presents and see how happy they were. Good stuff.

Ok now it is actually the day of New Years Eve because last night I couldn't think of anything to write about. But I'm back, armed with a post-it note chock full of goodies so I'm ready. As of now it's about T-minus 2 hours until the new decade and I'm hoping to make it in before New Year's so here we go..

In the past year or more recently I've groped with concepts, standards and ideas that I'd always grown to accept as normal that more recently I've really been questioning. My grip on reality and my entire world is probably slippery, at best, which is the way I like it. Wait, let me rephrase that, because that makes it sound like I'm going insane. Haha, that's not how it is. What I'm trying to say is that while my values, morals and beliefs are concrete, how I see the world is always under question, subject to question and influence. So I am always changing, growing, and developing as a person and an individual.

Speaking of individuals, I've always had the strangest belief for the longest time. For some odd reason, I've always, subconsciously or not, placed myself just slightly higher in importance in comparison to everyone else out there. I suppose you could call it inner arrogance. It's this kind of thing where while I respect other people and view them as equals to myself, I also think that my goals, beliefs, abilities, whatever, name it, are more significant and important than that of theirs. Like I, as an individual, is more significant than anyone else in the world. And that I, more than anyone else, can make a difference. And that I, more than anyone else, can get it done. I don't really know if other people think like that as well, or if it's just me. But it's naive to think that I am more significant, or important, or talented, or intelligent than the billions of people out there. Not only because it is definitely not true, but it's the epitome of conceited. I don't know what the cause of this is, but that is 1 resolution for the new decade, learn to appreciate others and what they have to offer and value them just as much as myself.

The second thing that I've grappled with this year is the always volatile system of relationships. Friendships, intimate relationships, associations, whatever kind of relationship. This year's been a whole year of experimenting, seeing what works, what doesn't. I've gained new friendships and I've lost some. Strengthened some and fought losing battles against fading ones. Though one thing that I've been introduced to is something that I have always tried to avoid, and that's conflict. No matter what, I just have not been able to deal with conflict. And yet it is essential to a healthy, close relationship. It's alot like the forest. The forest starts out as a bunch of saplings growing together peacefully in harmony. But as time passes and more and more trees grow and they get larger and larger, the space becomes more and more crowded and all the trees are suffocated together, unable to grow, leaving them all in discomfort. But then a forest fire rages through the forest and burns all of the trees down. While it seems like a disaster, once the fire has passed, the seeds of rebirth are sown and the forest grows back, more healthy and vibrant than before the fire. The fire of the forest is the conflict of the relationship. It's also the fire I've always tried to avoid at all costs. It's unhealthy in that I would rather say something I didn't believe in order to avoid confrontation and smooth things over than speak my mind and face the consequences. While on the surface the friendship/relationship is undamaged, in reality it is hurt because truthful wholesome communication can't be made, thus limiting the intimacy. That is decade's resolution #2. Not to run from conflict.

Another thing that's strange, there are some days where I simply cannot feel positive about other people at all. Even those that I have utmost respect for. My mind is just clouded in pessimism and in my mind I have myself cutting everyone down, picking out their flaws and weaknesses and just dismantling their image for myself. It's probably a result of my own insecurities. Even as such, I find it an odd way for myself to instinctively cope. That's resolution #3 right there, Find a different way to deal with my own insecurities, because it is either impossible or highly unlikely that insecurities will go away, so I need a positive and better way to deal with them.

In our age and day, it's become either really cool or totally uncool, (depending who you are), to try really hard, care about something alot, and have a burning passion. Most people of today think that cruising through life and making it look effortless is that way to go these days. When someone comes along that's visibly making an effort, or is very vocal about what they care about, all that they get in response is humiliation, discouragement, and scoffs. Is it fair that those who try the hardest should be the most looked down upon? To care alot about everyone has always in the past been a goal of mine but it's like there's only so much care to go around. And if that's the case I've got to be selective about who I care about. It's hard though, caring about alot of people. That's alot of attention to divide up. In the past I've become friends with people just for the sake of being able to say I had alot of friends. I'd be totally caught up in stats, look at who I was friends with and how many friends I had. Not only that, but my extra curriculars and activities and decide that I was an extremely accomplished person in comparison to others. I didn't really get to know a bulk of my friends and as a result we'd drift apart, talk periodically and get a little closer, and rinse and repeat. It's always been hard for me to realize that I can't be good friends with everyone and I have to decide which ones I want to keep and which to just be friends with. But I know how I want to be known. Not as the most talented, the most popular, the most athletic, the smartest, but just as the one who cared the most. Gave it his all in sports. Tried and studied hard in class. Was there for his friends. And that's Resolution 4. Simply care.

Well that was everything I had on my post-it note and more actually. Since I've got some time left before the countdown (T-minus 29 minutes) I'm gonna put up my resolution, that ones that I've got right now anyways. My good friend told me how she had categories for them and I thought that was a great idea, so thanks!
Here are my categories: Myself as a person, Academics, Friends/People, Athletics, Health, Mental, and Habits.

Person: Have more confidence, but without being arrogant. Think about others and not just myself. Care more and instill more passion in my life. Learn patience.

Academics: Try hard in every class. Actually learn, understand what I'm learning and care about it too.

Friends/People: Pick my friends. Be more tolerant of people. Don't get annoyed with myself/others as easily. Be ready to deal with conflict.

Athletics: 5' 7, 160.

Health: Take better care of myself and my body. As I learned this year, I am not indestructible at all.

Mental: Keep a positive attitude. Think comfortable even when I'm not. Think big. Have energy. Learn logic and rationalization.

Habits: No mental downsizing of people.

Well, that's all I've got. Signing off for the last time this decade... EWang.
Happy holidays and best of all, happy new year and happy new decade!!
See y'all on the other side. Let's live it up

I Left My Heart in San Francisco

2009-12-18T20:52:00.000-08:00

Just got back from a school choir trip to San Francisco. And now I'm lookin at 2 WHOLE WEEKS without school. Holy crap. Life is ridiculously great right now. My expectations for this trip weren't that high. I mean, having been blessed to go on so many amazing crystal choir trips, how could this measly day and a half trip possibly compare? Also, I didn't have that many close friends in school choir like I did in crystal, so there wasn't anything I was super excited for or looking forward to. I was definitely proven wrong.

We had a 1 hour bus ride to San Francisco, that was pretty fun, jammin and DJing all the way there. We got there and had dinner at this random place that was definitely too expensive but pretty good. We saw a bunch of freakin talented street performers. That's what I love about the city. Sure it's more dangerous but there are so many talented and interesting people that life in the city never gets boring. I met this random old asian grandma. She was pretty cool, even though I didn't understand half of the words she was saying. It was fun to just wave to or talk to and meet random people. I could definitely tell that they thought I was freakin weird but you know what, I didn't even care. After dinner we went to see the music Wicked. Holy. Crap. The only I can describe it is.....shoot, I can't. It was amazing. It was magical. It made me wanna cry and shout and yell and jump around and cheer all at the same time. It gave me tingles and shivers all up and down my body like no other. It was definitely beyond surreal. The most phenomenal performance I've ever seen in my life.

After the amazing show, we made a midnight In n' Out run and made it back just in time for room check. I don't even really remember what happened at night. We had a conversation about typical guy stuff and apparently I fell asleep mid sentence and started snoring. The next day was breakfast, pack, and off to hotels to carol. Our first performance was straight up awful. It was embarrassing. We were all pretty exhausted and felt like crashing. But after some lunch and a break, we picked it up and destroyed our next performance. During our next break we spent about an hour in this electronics shop with massaging devices of every possible type. Chairs, foot massagers, handhelds, and even this freakin helmet that was the most retarded looking thing ever. It didn't even work. All it did was squeeze your head. After that I definitely felt hecka relaxed. Time well spent. We went to the hotel for our final performance and then went outside to wait for our buses. Then we started a small jam session. At least it started out as a small one, 3 people. Then as we sang more and more songs and people grew more and more comfortable with just singin out, we had at least 25 people all jammin to the likes of 'Watchu Say' by Jason DeRulo and 'Down' by Jay Sean. It was a great feeling, just shouting familiar songs and not even caring what the strangers around us thought. Tons of fun. Before I knew it I was back home. Even though it was only a day and a half, the trip was definitely one of the more fun ones I've been on. It felt like at least 4 days. I'm stoked for mini tour, if my parents let me go. That'll be sick.

Can't see

2009-12-16T22:27:00.000-08:00

I've always thought that everything beautiful to be seen, they were meant to be seen by the eye. After all, that's what they're made for, eyes. Made for seeing. I mean, there's so much beautiful stuff to see with the eyes. Beautiful views, beautiful buildings, beautiful sunrises and sunsets, beautiful landscapes, beautiful....girls =]. But if you think about it, isn't that so judgmental? In the world today we place so much emphasis on physical appearance. I do it all the time, not gonna lie. I pick which books I'm gonna read based on how cool I think the cover looks, I order food at places that I've never been before based on which picture looks the best. I used to even pick my classes based on which words looked the coolest. Wayy back in the day. This is, what we see with our eyes is just a fraction of what we really see.

I know it might sound weird. But think about it, how much do really know about something or someone just by looking at their physical appearance? Granted, we see tons and tons of things with our eyes, but what does it really all mean? Not much. What we truly see with is our hearts. Think about it. You look at someone, you see them with your eyes, but when you look at them, you have feelings about them as you do. Friendship, excitement, annoyance, hate, etc. That's not coming from your eyes. That's straight up from the heart man. Problem is, people do so much seeing with their eyes these days and not enough their hearts. They meet someone for the first time and see they look a little strange, right away they slap them with a label, whatever it may be. And once you've got an impression of someone like that stuck in your mind, it's hard to change it, even after you get to know them a little.

In my mind it's pretty safe to say that it's not what's on the outside that's important. It's extremely cliche`d, so maybe I can rephrase it in a way that will help more people understand, because obviously not enough don't. What is most important is invisible--that is, invisible to our eyes. It's like an iceberg. What you see of iceberg is merely a fraction of what the iceberg is. The bulk of the iceberg lays hidden under the surface, unseen by human eyes. Same thing applies for people. You only see a teeny bit of who they are, the part that's on the surface. There's so much more that lies beneath the surface, gotta make the effort to go discover it.

Another thing I've been thinking, I feel like I've been going about my friendships and basically all activities in general like they were business affairs..I don't know how to explain it but I feel super formal about everything and procedure-like. And not even on purpose! I had to kick myself and remind myself that friendships aren't about the stats. As in, I don't want to be friends with people just for the numbers of friends I'll have. I want to be friends with them because I want to be friends with them. If that makes sense. Yafeel? I've also learned, the amount of friends I have, how good my grades are, how good I am at this or that does not equate to happiness. That is not to say I haven't been extremely happy over the past half year. It's been a great semester =]. I feel so blessed to be in the situation that I'm in. But sometimes I feel like I make it a huge deal my friends and accomplishments, and it bugs me because I know that that isn't what's the most important thing to me, and yet I can't get it out of my head. Yeah.. that's all for now. Peace man =]

Maitinence

2009-12-10T20:30:00.000-08:00

Dude. I really have to take better care of myself. A little over a month ago I started to get a little cough. But I felt great. And that was all that mattered. So I went on doing my thing. A little while on, it got a little worse. Did my thaang. Did some foolish thaangs. Like jumpin in a pool of ice cold water...40 degrees dude. Bad idea. Anyways, I gotta get in my head the notion that I'm not indestructible. I have to start taking better care of my body. Like Jamba juice says, my body is a temple. I got no idea what that means dude. Enlighten Me.

Matters of Concern..?

2009-12-10T19:34:00.000-08:00

We all do things for a reason. Whatever may motivate us, drive us, make us do what we do. No matter what it is, there's always something. That's something I assumed was true for the longest time. Today I found myself questioning why I cared about, and went to school. And I didn't find myself coming up with an answer.

I suppose I could always say because I get to see my friends, but that's not even really a part of 'school' as in the essence of school. School, in it's academic purity, honestly holds no importance in my life. I mean I guess I do it so I don't let my parents down. But I don't see why I have to go through all this, math, world history, chemistry, english, etc. In my own future, I don't see myself working a job because I want to be spectacularly rich. I see that as kind of selfish, working so hard but only for myself and my family. I want to be out there roaming and doing something that helps someone else and makes a difference. The business man that spends tons and tons of hours sitting in his cubicle making money for his family never changed anyone's life. Not even his own. He's too busy counting numbers in his cubicle for that.

I really don't know why I'm going through school. I really honestly don't even know why I want to go to college. I guess it's just something that's expected of kids from our school and in our area. We take it for granted, that all of us are going to college. I mean there are definitely people out there who have to work their butts off and when they finally make it, college is like the greatest thing ever to them. And here I am, wasting an opportunity. It makes me feel so damn spoiled. But I can't find a reason why I'm in school. For now though, I know one thing. Even if I don't currently have a driving force, I need to start working harder in school. Then at least I won't feel like I'm wasting this gift. I'm tired of mediocrity resulting from apathy. Time to put forth the effort that school deserves from me.

Unwind

2009-12-04T19:38:00.000-08:00

This past month has been such a whirlwind. It's been a great month. It's weird though, this feeling I've had this past month. I've had so much confidence, almost at the brink of arrogance. I don't know how to explain it. It's made me more fearless in a sense, less afraid of other people's judgment of me and my actions and more willing to step outside of my comfort zone and take risks. But at the same token, I feel like I've become less sensitive to the feelings of others, and in the process I've felt a tinge of jerk enter my personality, making jokes at others' expense without mercy. Some aren't even funny and they just end up putting them down. That's not something that I would normally do. My entire life I've worked towards building a character for myself based on integrity, passion, kindness, trust, and compassion.

It's been a while since I wrote. I just haven't had time or I've been lazy, but finally a length phone conversation with a close friend inspired me to write. He and I share so many of the same views on life, the same values, and the same interests and aspirations. We're already really good friends, but I truly believe we have potential to be far better than that. Despite our countless similarities, we also have differences to compliment each other. He has many admirable traits and there's so much I could learn from him. One thing he's already begun teaching me is the value of patience. Funny. You always hear about how 'patience is a virtue' and you would figure that almost everybody, if not everybody would be patient and understand the meaning and values of patience. Not so I guess. Well I mean I knew that some things you gotta wait for and stuff like that, yaknow? But I didn't truly understand. I don't even know how to explain. Lemme hit you up with an example.

So there's been a mini fiasco goin on fer me at school, not really going to go into details. But anyways, i was all hyped up and stuff fer somethin but I got shot down. Not actually. But basically. Anyways, it was a real reality check for me. I could not understand why I got shot down. But anyways in my moment of distress I hit my friend up and we had a long talk. It started at like..11 and ended around 230. Needless to say, we were both pretty hammered in chem the next morning. Anyways, he made me assess it from a million different perspectives, think about if it was really what I wanted to do anyways and how the future would be and how it would affect me. Pretty grown up for a pair of 15 year olds if you ask me. That's another thing I admire about people. I really respect them when they can act childish and carefree when they want but be very logical, mature, and deep when they want to be as well. Through our discussion, I discovered from myself that I didn't really think that it was the right thing to do. My own emotions were more of a product of peer pressure than what I felt was right. Obviously my lack of patience had failed to restrain me, and if not for my friend, things might have taken a turn for the worse.

But they didn't. I thought about it rationally and decided it was something I was neither comfortable nor ready for. And you know what? I feel like it was the right decision. I'm a huge believer in the notion that if something's meant to happen, it will happen. Maybe sooner. Maybe later. But no matter what, it will happen in the end. So s'all good. We talked about bucket lists too. I realized I really haven't given much thought to what I'd do if I had one month, per say, to live. I mean, that's perfectly normal of a teenager not to think of those things, but I think it'd be interesting. One month.. Wow. I'll think about it and get back to it later.

I think it's about I found a comfortable medium. I've been to both extremities of the spectrum. Facing insecurities and extreme confidence. I've been in a shell and also insensitive to the point where I've blocked out others' feelings entirely. I'm a hunt for that perfect median. In other news, my life overall is going well. Formal's coming up soon. I'm sick. I'm hoping I'm getting better. School's not bad. Except I got a 0 out of 600 points on a lab. I have NO idea how that happened.... Mm. Yeah. Finished Unwinding.

Those Retards

2009-11-22T21:35:00.000-08:00

Today at choir our conductor Jenny Chiang was talking about one of the acapella groups, The RITARDS. Not Retards. They're a 6 MAN high school acapella group that originates in our very own crystal choir. I'm a big fan. Anyways, she was telling us about how she saw them perform yesterday at the fundraising dinner and they helped raise 1000 dollars towards the fund for Crystal Hall, which is great.

She broke her experience down for us, giving us her internal play by play. She honestly said that it wasn't that their singing was amazing, no, not at all. It was that they all had a huge stage presence and that they were energetic and knew what they were doing on stage. But what she said that struck me was that they demanded attention. They were there to deliver a message. And with such enthusiasm, emotion and power she said, she couldn't help but think, Wow! It wasn't as if they were without flaws. There were definitely areas where they could have improved. But simply put, they demanded attention. They were going to go out there and do whatever it took to blow the audience away. They were going to do there thing and not care what anybody thought about them. And they succeeded.

As a fellow performer, I really felt connected to what she said on a deep level, as in I have, in my life, witnessed performances by people and groups who have demanded attention, who've been so powerful on stage that you just can't help but think, wow. And it's so mind blowing. That's not only an aspiration for me to work towards in terms of my stage presence, but also a concept/idea that can be applied to every day life.

It's easy to go through the motions of life and pass unnoticed. But that's not really living. You've gotta demand attention, put yourself on the spot, make it so that people are forced to notice you. You start meeting new people, making new friends. Sure, you're gonna have haters. But that's inevitable. Haters will be haters. But that's what's really living. Life's not a pat of microwaved ice cream. It's not always going to go down smooth.

Christmas Spirit.

2009-11-16T20:53:00.000-08:00

Ok. I know that it's outrageously early to be thinking about Christmas. It's not even freakin Thanksgiving yet. But I can't help it. I'm sick right now. Like I'm coughing and sneezing and stuff. But I feel great. I can't explain it. But I figured it out. Here's what I told my dad. 'Dad, I have Christmas fever. That's what's going on.'

I mean it's not hard to understand. Christmas is the best holiday of all. You've got family, friends, food, gifts, and fat men coming down the chimney and flying around with his flying deer. I remember I could never fall asleep the night before because I'd be so excited for the next morning. So when my parents would get annoyed and tell me to go to bed I would pretend to sleep. Yup. Just lie there awake and pretend to be a log. No matter how hard I tried I could not fall asleep. It was just too exciting like one of those times where you don't think you'll ever be able to fall asleep yafeel? Woops. Got sidetracked. But seriously, does it get better? I'm thinking it's pretty hard-pressed to beat. But that's not why I love Christmas so much.

What Christmas used to mean to me was that I'd get gifts. I know, pretty shallow right? But you know, being a lil'un and all, there wasn't much else I thought about when Christmas time came 'round. Now I find that as I'm getting older, (Can you even consider 15 old?) I have less need for material things. I don't know what's changed. It's just that when Christmas and birthdays come around, I don't know of anything that I need. What Christmas means to me has definitely changed.

Christmas isn't what you get. It's what you give. Gone are the days where I'd race to the tree in the morning to count up my gaudy present totals. Receiving presents is great, it feels good to get something from someone that you've really wanted for a long time. But it's an even better feeling when you're the one that's sent the gift. Just the look on their face is priceless youknow? I feel like that guy in the Kay commercial. Or maybe it was Visa. I don't really know. Anyways, I've learned that to get is good, but to give always makes you feel a million times better. In a world where everyone's life is centered around getting, getting, getting, it's amazing how wonderful giving can feel. Getting never changed anyone's life but your own, but giving, even in the smallest quantities can make such a huge impact on someone else's. Christmas this year got me thinkin bout that. So yeah dude. Pretty much all I had to say. Enjoy your holiday. Some free time to spend with the fam, the friends, and really appreciate how lucky we all are. Because if you're sitting there reading this right now, you've got and computer. And you've got the time to read this. Which is more than a ton of people can say. Merry Christmas ya'll.

Parents.

2009-11-15T22:34:00.000-08:00

I always readily admit that I live a safe, good life, and that I am lucky to be living in the situation that I am. But there's one aspect of my life that I feel like I totally neglected for the bulk of my life, and I'm afraid that now it's too late to rescue it. And that's the relationships with my family. Mostly my parents.

My parents are such important people in my life. I love them so much and they give me so many opportunities and make sure I don't stray off on the wrong path. And yet in return I've ignored them, brushed them off, placed them in a mental back seat to everyone in my life. For my whole life I have, unconsciously or not, placed my friends, coaches, team mates, etc. ahead of my parents. It just seems so messed up. The two people who are supposed to be two of the most important in my entire life. I talked about it to another friend who said he felt the same way, and he said that it was partially because he felt like his friends understood him more than his parents. I kinda feel that, but at the same time it's not fair to my parents to say that, since I haven't made any effort in my relationships with them so it would be unreasonable to expect them to understand me at all.

I wish I could tell them though. But it's scary for me to let people in. It's so frightening to let someone in, to have them so close to you because you know that they can hurt you so easily. It's crazy though, for me to have been ignorant, rebellious and ignorant for so long, spurning the greatest gift of life: parents. There are kids out there who aren't even lucky enough to have parents and here I am wasting the fact that I do have them. I hope that I can grow close to my family. I do hope and hope and hope. But it chills me to the bone. I am so scared that it's too late. I do hope.

Stargazing

2009-11-13T23:09:00.001-08:00

After homecoming last Saturday, a close friend and I went out for some late night snacks and then we parked down the street from my house. We were talking about girls and life in general and the time and so we spontaneously decided to stargaze. On top of his car. I know. We're romantic [: Anyways, it was great. We laid down on the back of his car and watched the stars, beautiful that night. We kept on the look out for shooting stars as we talked about our lives. It was magical. That's exactly the word I would use to describe it. Looking at the night sky, it made me think about how small and insignificant I really was. And it made me think of the song fireflies. I like to make myself believe.. that planet Earth turns.. slowly. It also got me thinking. Dude, are people all over the world really seeing the same night sky as me? Incredible. All in all, it was a great experience. Right up there in the top 10 experiences of my short life.

Think.Think.Think.

2009-11-13T22:34:00.000-08:00

Been thinking alot lately. Big grab bag of thoughts really. I've been meaning to write for a while but I keep forgetting. It'll come to me as I write. I think. I hope.

Through our lives, we meet tons of people, make tons of friends. Specifically I'm talking about high school. I can't really think about the world extending beyond high school considering my situation, so let's focus on that for now. Throughout our high school careers we'll definitely make a ton of friends and meet a bunch of people. That bears the question: Is it possible to be tight with everybody? I have to think, try as you might, it's impossible. I know this and still I try. Slightly foolish. I try to be friends with everyone. Sounds vain huh. Don't know really, I guess it feels good to have a bunch of friends, but at the end of the day it's kind of empty knowing that none of them are super close. It's reality that we have to pick and choose the closest ones.

If you really think about it, it's down to who you think you'll still be friends with after high school's over. Four years down the road and you won't even know many of these people. So why make the effort for them? I don't really know. It's hard though, you feel like you're neglecting some people. And when you value all of your friends the same, what is there to do? Why must we be forced to pick and choose? I guess this is something I have yet to learn.

Another thing on all the people that we'll meet. They all come and go, some stay for a little while longer. Some leave their imprints on our souls, leaving us forever changed. It's crazy how you can feel all 'mature' and developed and how you can think that you're wise and that there's nothing left that you can learn. Truthfully, I'm sure that I've felt like that numerous times not just in my life, but even this year. And I'm shocked every time to discover that a couple weeks down the road, I'm here, writing about how I was foolish and immature a couple weeks ago and how I've learned from my experiences. Well this is another one of those times.

I've been so hypocritical, preaching not caring about what others think about you while at the same time soaking in my insecurities. I've been stubborn enough to fool myself into thinking that I've been acting on what I'd been saying, fully expressing myself without caring what other people though. But as time has shown, the joke's on me. But now I feel a change in perspective. I don't know what caused it, or when specifically it started, but now I have a mindset that runs along the lines of: I've got one life to live. I want to be someone who's remembered. I want to be someone who makes an impact. I want to be the one who leaves the footprints on souls. I want to be the one who makes a change in a life, small or big. Not the one who's there just for small talk and then gone. I'm going to express myself regardless of what other people think because at the end of the day, an opinion is an opinion. I'm going to stand up for what I believe in even if I'm the only one because if not me, then who else? I'm going to live life to the fullest and let haters be haters because I'm not going to let them shrink my existence. I'm going to be me, and people can take it or leave it.

I don't even think I've fully lived up to that statement yet. But I finally feel like I've started to. And it's definitely liberating, and rewarding. Sure you hit bumps and roadblocks on the way, but what's life without some hardships. They only make you stronger. I hit a minor roadblock today. I got frustrated with myself because it seemed like I was reverting back to my old self, not taking any chances, being kinda subdued by myself. But I'll take it as a sort of learning experience, it shows that I'm only human and that there's always room for improvement, for which I am glad.

YES. music!!

2009-11-09T23:06:00.000-08:00

So my iPod melted 8 months ago. melted. I connected it to the computer and it heated up. That was the end of that. It was toast. I didn't really want to tell my parents because they do tons of stuff for me already so I figured that I'd go without music for a couple months. No. Big Deal. Right? Ahhh crap man. So wrong. 8 whole months without music. What a total nightmare.

Suffering's over though. I got music back yesterday. I can't believe how deprived I've been. Music is such a huge part of my life though, I have no idea how I survived through the music-less time. It's OK though, it's over now. So how I got my music back is my friend lent me her ipod shuffle. I'm loving having the music back. Plus, the shuffle lets me rediscover all of my old music. They should call this thing the ipod nostalgia. What sucks is if i want to listen to the same song again I have to press next 289 times. Lame.

One of my favorite songs right now is Very Busy People - The Limousines.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DuXOao6jBoM
Truthfully, the lyrics are controversial, but what I love so much about the song is that it's so REAL. It cheers me up on any day. It's just something you can relate to somewhat. My favorite lines from the song are -

'and when we're done
sleeping we'll stay busy
dreaming of the things
we don't have yet

We Are Very Busy People

but we've always got time for new friends'

The people in the song just seem so laid back and carefree despite the song title, very busy people. It's so real because it's like hey, we're really busy people, but we'll make time for ourselves, we'll make time for you too.It relaxes me. DUDE. speaking of very busy people, today after school Will Tang, Victor Wong, Taylor Chin and I head to Foothill for some pickup basketball. Halfway through we ended up de-shirting ourselves because it was so hot. About a third of the way through the game, Will found a dodgeball and threw it at Victor. That caused a dodgeball hunt which ended with us pelting each other with dodgeballs. Shirtless. It was a great day. But totally inappropriate, considering that there were elementary schoolers around. And I saw my math teacher. Super awkward.

Another song that I'm completely obsessed with right now is Smile - Uncle Kracker.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lB1UJsutvkc
Best line: You're cooler than the flip side of my pillow.
Actually the whole chorus is pretty great.

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile

[:
That song makes me so happy. It doesn't hurt that the dude's name is Kracker. I love white men who call themselves white but food at the same time.

Last great song for righ now. We intertwine - The Hush Sound.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2o5O5QCj800
This. Is. So. CUTE! It's so childlike and cute. It makes me wanna squeeze the cheeks of whoever's around when I listen to it. And if no one's around, it makes me wanna squeeze my own.

That's all. So glad the music's back. [:

Oh no! It's Over..

2009-11-08T01:48:00.000-08:00

Today's victory against Fremont marked the end of our 2009-2010 Saratoga High School waterpolo season. I'd honestly been looking forward to it since almost the beginning of the season. But I found that when it finally came, it was bittersweet. At the very beginning of the season I found myself frustrated, bored, and tired of waterpolo. I even went as far as to question why I even did the sport. It just seemed like a waste of time to me.

How much has changed since then. Now I find myself loving the sport again, our whole team are bros, and I'm honestly sad to find that it's all over. I'm going to miss the seniors when they graduate, not gonna lie.

Now that I'm done sentimental-izing, I've got a shoutout for my sport. For all of you out there who think waterpolo is an easy wo-man sports, think again. I doubt that any of you can make it through our warmup, an easy 400 yard swim with some eggbeater (treading) and passing. That's the easy part. I'm sure any of our team could do another sport's warmup. Take football. We can run a lap, do some stretching, maybe some jumping jacks. No big deal. Let's see.. Golf. Uh. Do golfers warm up? Then there's.. track. Track's pretty tough actually. One of those underrated sports where you actually need to be conditioned. You can't get by in track on athletic ability and fitness. Anyways, besides the warmup, there are the actual waterpolo games. You're trying to shoot a big yellow ball into a medium sized cage with a big bear man inside it while other bear men maul you and drown you while you're trying to score. Daunting.

Been a while

2009-11-04T23:28:00.001-08:00

November, post numero uno!

It's been way too long since I blogged. It's been a combination of homework, writer's block, and just plain being lazy that's kept me from writing. Anyways, life's been good the past month of so. Polo season's ending, that's sad. School's not bad. Choir(s)' are amazing. It's good all around.

Today we had our quad day for homecoming. We'd spent a lot of time practicing and the choreographers worked hard. Despite our work, we were undone by technical issues. No mics meant our live performance, commentary and transitions, and hilarious jokes all went to waste. Imagine that. All that work just to see it ruined by a small technical mistake. Not gonna lie, it was kinda annoying. It left most of our class humiliated and embarrassed by our quad day. Everyone seemed like they wanted to forget about it.

But why feel down about it? It's true, we could have done way better. But given the circumstances, what else could we have done? We did the best we could despite our technical difficulties. And you know what else? We had fun in the process. Honestly, a lot of our 'practicing' time was spent eating food and just hanging. Don't even try to say that wasn't fun. And also I don't even think most of us had to do that much work besides show up and do what we were told. Most of the work was done by the choreographers, but mostly, Anika. She let us use her house week after week and worked the whole time, sacrificing her homework time to make sure we had an awesome homecoming this year. She did all of that while being able to maintain her cheerful disposition and endless optimism. That's a feat more impossible than managing an A+ in an un-curved Kucer test. And you know that? She did all of that without once looking for recognition, or appreciation, or gratitude. She did it because she cared. People like her inspire me and set an example for all of us.

Anyways, looking forward to the junior's and senior's. And to NEXT YEAR'S HOMECOMING. No way next year's not going to be great.

Showers

2009-10-28T23:08:00.000-07:00

Man I love the shower. Whenever I'm stumped or frustrated I get in the shower and feel better. I don't even have to turn the water on. Besides that, I like the shower obviously because it cleans me with hot water that is amazing, but also because it has AMAZING acoustics. Has anyone noticed that? I'm a decent singer, but when I get in the shower and start singing I turn into MJ, Chris Brown, Ne-Yo, whatever celebrity. It's crazy man.

But yeah, the shower's great. A 3 foot by 6 foot little steamy box with hot water in it, it's like the perfect world. I get all of my best thoughts and ideas in there. You know how all those amazing artists and mad geniuses take drugs and drink to be brilliant? Well it's like that. Only not. Yafeel?

Here's one idea I got while taking a shower. So this was last year around winter formal. And I was thinking of asking ideas. I came up with this. So you take a note that says 'This is how much you'll hurt me if you don't go to formal with me.' AND, you tape it to a freakin ROCK. Then, you go up to the girl, and CHUCK the rock with the note at her. WOW. She'd totally think it was super cute. Either that or destroy you. But hey, it's better than my dad's idea. He told me to write 'formal' on long fuzzy socks and make it really cool looking, and then during a conversation be like hey i'm wearing really COOL SOCKS TODAY and pull my pants up. Yeah? No.

Livin the Life

2009-10-25T22:54:00.000-07:00

Dude I was just thinking, I got this annoying canker sore in my mouth and it's basically a huge problem in my life because it's freakin canker-ous and does things that canker sores do so it's annoying me. Maybe this canker sore's a huge deal to me, but it got me thinking

I live a good life. My problems are small, petty, and insignificant. As cliche`d as it is, there are starving children in African spending every day of their hard to live lives clawing for existence, fighting for their right to life.

And you, if you're reading this right now you probably live a good life too. You have a computer on which to read this blog. You have the time to spend reading my petty bloggings. Your life's probably one you enjoy. If it isn't, it should be. On those days that you're feeling down, just remember that out there, someone has it far worse off than you. Take a moment to be thankful of all that you have, and look on the bright side. Always lookin' up for that hot air balloon.

Due Respect

2009-10-25T00:59:00.001-07:00

It has been so long since I last wrote. Not even because I didn't feel like writing. For a good chunk of time I haven't had anything to write about. Now I feel like I got something though.

Everything and everyone deserves respect. Some gather more public respect than others. But everything deserves respect. Take cheer for example. Tons of people take it as a wimpy excuse for a sport, but as I've learned during homecoming rehearsals, it takes balance, courage, and dexterity. Take synchronized swimming. I personally see it as extremely difficult, but other people might not. I find it unbelievable that synchronized swimmers can perfectly time their movements with their teammates, forming complex patterns. Take the people who fold clothes at departments stores, like Macy's. I have no idea how they can stand folding so many clothes in the same pattern over and over again. I would explode. And I don't know how they fold each and every one so perfectly. I tried to fold just one of my clothes like that, and it didn't work. So I'm going to take a moment and pay all due respect. To Everything.

Anyways, life has been good for the past 2 weeks or so. This season of Saratoga waterpolo is coming to an end which disappoints me. That's rather ironic. I distinctly remember in the beginning of the season i disliked waterpolo this year and wondered why I played the sport. Those thoughts are far behind me. I'm very much looking forward to the next year, but also the break. School is going well. I love sophomore year. It's not that much work, but I'm not a freshman. Good stuff. Choir is great as always. Since when has choir not been great?

I've also been thinking about my friends that are already in college. In a couple years they'll be considered adults, and later on, they'll go out in the world to start their own lives, start their own families, find jobs, go places. It seems surreal to me but that's exactly what will be happening in a couple of years. It's insane. For myself, in just two years I will be out of high school and off to college. I can't believe how time has passed. I'm both apprehensive and excited about my future and what it holds in store for me. Whatever may come, I remain optimistic about my present and my fortune. The future is bright.

Sharpen the Pencil

2009-10-20T20:56:00.000-07:00

This is probably a story that most people have heard before. A traveler comes across a lumberjack who's chopping down a tree with a blunt saw. The lumberjack is clearly working pretty hard,while making little progress. The traveler makes a suggestion to him, telling him to take a break and sharpen the saw, maybe he would get more work done after. The lumberjack replies, no, can't he see that he's too busy cutting the tree to take a break and sharpen the saw?

Moral of the story: Don't get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that you think you don't have time to take a break, unwind, reflect. I actually thought of that story that I read when a friend wanted to borrow a pencil of mine this morning. I realized that I didn't have another pencil because all of mine were broken. My reasoning for not sharpening them was that I was too busy using them to sharpen them, reminding me of that story. How silly of me.

Sometimes we feel overwhelmed in life. Like we're drowning and there's nobody to save us. The stress overpowers our minds and makes us unable to think clearly. We forget that it's us that are in control of our lives. Soley us, and nobody else. Take a deep breath, sit back, enjoy the good facets of your life and then manhandle (womanhandle?) anything that comes your way. Just remember to sharpen that pencil.

Rinse. Cycle. Repeat.

2009-10-17T23:08:00.000-07:00

My life's a washing machine. Not in a good way. Just recently I went through a situation where in a hurry to do something that I feel is great and helpful and sentimental, I fail to think things through thoroughly. It's not an isolated incident. In my rush to be great, to do great, I make brash decisions and actions that end up getting the best of me. I'm sick and tired of it. It's the same thing every time.

Rinse, Cycle, Repeat.

I always thought it was human nature to make mistakes. But I always thought it was human nature to learn from them and grow. So I guess my growth's stunted. What they say about weight lifting is true. Seriously though, it's like an impediment. I always tell myself over and over again that I won't make the same mistakes. Yet they happen again and again.

Rinse, Cycle, Repeat.

I'm not letting this happen to me anymore.

good will hunting or good will edman?

2009-10-17T22:40:00.000-07:00

Hi.
I'm Will. What am I doing on Eric's blog? Your guess is as good as mine. Eric told me that I should try blogging, so here I am. And I thought I would give a little bit of a different perspective on life.

I know that a lot of people spend their lives wishing they were smarter, and I'm sure that they've wondered how much more awesome life would be if they were a genius. But I've spent most of my life thinking about the opposite.

When I was a little half-asian kid in Colorado, I was pretty dang smart? Now? Not so much. And I'm actually not being modest, considering that in 4th grade, I had an A+ in algebra.Compared to that, now I'm an underachieving dunce.

Anyway, back then, my parents had some pretty big expectations for me. Nobel Prize? President? Why else would they make me spend half of my days in 4th and 5th grade at the middle school? I don't think they made me go on that bus ride home with the 8th graders every day for nothing.

I don't think I felt stress back then, but I probably felt the closest thing. I was tired of being a genius. All I wanted to be normal. And I guess my wish is granted. A combination of lack of initiative, moving to California, and hardcore music probably dumbed me down.

Today, I'm a bigger half-asian kid in California who suffers through his Calculus class and is constantly stressed because he has to go to an Ivy League school to meet his parents' expectations. Sometimes I wish I had the brains that I used to, but I've figured by now that everything happens for a reason, and I know the pressure I'm under is going to help me someday, and I'll go to college and get a job and change someone's life. That's my goal (along with climbing Mt. Everest and becoming uber-good at skiing).

So what's the moral? I dont know; try hard, don't slack off, accept changes and use them for the better. However I do know that my goal in life has changed for the better. I would much rather change someone else's life than win the Nobel Prize.

And that's a good change.

It takes a Tragedy

2009-10-17T21:22:00.000-07:00

Wow. You know all of those terrible diseases and accidents that you hear about on the news or just around? They make you shudder for an instant, but it's ok, because it would never happen to you right? Wrong. Recently I found out that the mother of a classmate of mine had Stage 4 lung cancer. I don't really know her at all, but from what I've heard, she's a selfless, kind, energetic woman The scope of the tragedy is just so enormous that I didn't really comprehend the impact of the situation. People around me would talk about it, and cry about it, and through it all I'd just talk about it like it was any other conversation topic. In retrospect, I'm disgusted by my behavior. How could I be so heartless? Maybe I just didn't want to admit that it could really be happening. I don't really have an excuse for myself.

Just now it smacked me hard in the face, the most brutal reality check I have ever received. It just really hits home for me. Like I mentioned earlier, I'd hear about things like that on the news, but I'd figure it would never happen to me, or anyone I loved, or anyone I knew. Because we were all invincible. Right??

Now I see that that facade has been shattered. Completely. Not a shred of protection shielding me from the cold face of reality. It CAN happen to those around me. They, and myself, are just as mortal as everyone else in the world. And it makes me afraid. At the same time it empowers me with a certain boldness. With the knowledge that we only have so much time to live and we should live it to the fullest dissolves some of my fears. It makes me want to hold those that I hold dear, hold them tight. Tell them how much I love them, tell them how much I care. Tell them how much I appreciate them, how much the brighten up my life. Tell them how much I'd cry, if they were ever to be gone. Because really, what makes them different from my classmate's mom?

Life isn't to be taken for granted, as we often do. We waste time, prance around, thinking we have all the time in the world. We do, and we don't. It's true, we're supposed to have a long time to live. Slow it down, enjoy it. But at same time, it can be taken away in an instant. As someone once said, "Someday your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's a life worth watching." Live life to the fullest. As another friend once said, "Life is short, break the rules, forgive sooner, kiss slowly, laugh without control and always keep smiling! Maybe life is not the party that we were expecting, but in the mean time, we're here and we can still dance....."

Think about the little things in life too. Maybe you don't think a teeny act of kindness to brighten someone's day or a simple compliment or attempt to reach out to that one boy or girl who doesn't talk too much isn't a huge deal, but maybe it is to them. Maybe you come just in the nick of time to turn land a huge smile on their face and turn their day around. Or maybe you give that one shy guy or girl enough confidence to burst out of their shall. You never know. Never squander an opportunity for kindness. It's the small things that make all the difference.

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a
smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the
smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life
around."

That's almost everything I have to say. I feel emotionally exhausted.

God bless her and her family. May we hope she and the family can make it through. God bless them all so so so so much.

Love all you guys. Much Much Much Much Much Love.

As I now know, It takes a Tragedy.

If

2009-10-15T20:42:00.000-07:00

The Man Who Thinks He Can

If you think you're beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you'd like to win, but think you can't,
It's almost a cinch you won't.
If you think you'll lose, you've lost;
For out in the world we find
Success being with a fellow's will;
It's all in the state of mind.

If you think you're outclassed, you are;
You've got to think high to rise.
You've got to be sure of yourself
Before you can ever win a prize.
Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster man;
But soon or late, the one who wins

Is the man who thinks he can.

-Anonymous

I spotted this poem on the wall of my friend's house and I thought it was really great. It's basically talking about the importance of mentality and having confidence in yourself. It's so true too. All the greatest in their respective fields always talk about how it's 80% mental and 20% this and that. People can't go into something thinking they're going to fail and expect to succeed. It doesn't work like that. To create success is to think success.

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

-Rudyard Kipling

I really really really like this poem. To me it speaks measures about humility and moderation, while appreciating the pure values in life. Did I mention I really like this poem? I envy Kipling's ability to say so much with so little. He speaks so wisely, while not speaking wisely at all. Argh, how I wish I had his ability. I really really like this poem.

Everybody Knows

2009-10-14T20:35:00.000-07:00

I decided this post is gonna be a combo attack. Part thoughts, Part MUSIC SHARING. Because music makes the world go round. Seriously. There's this space guy who plays his juicebox, and that makes the world turn. When he doesn't play his juicebox, the world stops. So music makes the world go round.

Since when has it become uncool to show that you care and show evidence of your hard work? Those who work hard in school and get good grades, they're doing what's right, but we band against them, call them nerds and geeks and make outcasts out of them. It's the same story for anyone with passion. For those with the courage to do what we're too afraid to do. We knock them down, make fun of them, destroy their confidence. I can't say I'm free of this guilt. We're all guilty. We all know that they're doing the right thing, what we wish we could be doing, but it's so much easier to blend in the crowd and be like everybody else. Everybody Knows..

We hide our emotions. Why has it become so hard for us to admit feelings for another? Why hide our feelings, in general? Has it become the norm to be like a statue, cold and unexpressive? What do we live for, if not to make life a little easier for each other? People are only inclined to show kindness when others do it first. Why is kindness something that you need to be peer pressured into? Maybe people don't realize how far just a simple act of kindness can go, the difference between a good and a bad day. Maybe not. Everybody Knows..

Everybody Knows - John Legend
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQC8b3bvixs
This has nothing to do with the above, it's just an amazing song. As one a close friend once told me, John Legend is a God.

"Each indecision brings its own delays and days are lost lamenting over lost days... What you can do or think you can do, begin it. For boldness has magic, power, and genius in it."

***** EDIT *****
in the first paragraph, i meant boombox. not juicebox.

Because

2009-10-12T21:12:00.001-07:00

I've been pretty content with life for the past month, and of course no good things last forever, so I figured I'd share some thoughts.

I am thankful for the huge pile of dirty laundry on my floor, because it means I have clothes to wear

I am thankful for the sound of my mom nagging me from the other room, because it means I have the ability to hear, and parents who love and care.

I am thankful for the annoying blurriness of my contacts because it means I can see.

I am thankful for the fact that I am wasting time right now instead of doing homework because it means that I have time to waste.

I am thankful that I have massive amounts of homework to do because it means that I am blessed with education.

I am thankful I am worried about tomorrow's math test because it means I have emotions, and that I am therefore only human.

I am so thankful for music and writing because both are such HUGE parts of my life and I can't imagine life without them.

Lastly, I am extremely thankful for my friends and family, who are so caring and supportive, and have been the main reason I am so content with life. (:

I am a really really lucky person.

Maybe last year I wouldn't have had any of those thoughts. I could only see one end of the spectrum, and as a result, would gripe and moan about all of my life's difficulties. The difference between now and last year shows my growth mentally, and how my perspective has changed. I am happy to see that since I am constantly looking for ways to improve myself and become a better person.

Life is good.

Let's give this a try

2009-10-11T21:29:00.000-07:00

I've never honestly tried to write a poem before, but here we go. I've decided that my very first poem will be about adversity. Adversity's a cool word.

Adversity

This poem's about adversity
That's what it's all about
Man, writing poems is real hard
Let's get started now

Life's sometimes got you floating on clouds
Sometimes it's got you stuck in valleys
It's not always a non-stop party
We just gotta deal, after all, what can we do?

There's one problem though
One poison in our world
It's name is adversity
It's a perpetual lose-lose

There's always going to be people
not wishing the best of you
They'll always be knocking you down
Clawing you from your lofty perch

What I don't understand is
Why bring each other down
When we have so much
To bring us down already

Why add weight
to someone else's hot air baloon
when you should be
trying to lighten your own load?

One of life's mysteries
As to why people act this way
But it's not that important
Because what matters at the end of the day

Is you know who you are
You know what you're capable of
Stay true to yourself
Then in the end

Adversity will never be
Your foe.
Adversity will be
Your friend.

Strengthens you
Feeds you
Motivates you
Fuels you

Because in a world where everyone's looking down
You'll be the only one looking up

Well, that was it. I feel kind of cliche`d. But it was fun to write a poem. Writing a poem has a flow to it for me that I don't get from just writing paragraphs. It feels like music almost. But from typing. You know what I mean.

Cruise Control

2009-10-10T20:39:00.000-07:00

I caught up with a good friend yesterday through a long late night phone call. We talked about alot of good stuff, school, girls, life. It was a great feeling to catch up with him. He's one of those guys where even though we don't see each other and talk that much most of the time, I still value his friendship and I feel like when we see each other and talk, we can just pick up right where we left off without our friendship deteriorating at all. I wish all people could be like that. Most friends, if you stop talking to them for a couple of weeks, maybe even just one, next time you talk to them, it's like you don't even know them anymore. I really don't understand that.

Anyways, in the middle of our conversation, we got to talking people who were shy and people who were outgoing and from there it went to stepping outside your comfort zone and letting go once in a while. He said 'Dude sometimes you just gotta let it go and be yourself you know? Act hella crazy.' His words basically summarized what I hadn't, and haven't been able to do in at least a year. I never feel like I can just completely let myself go and go crazy. In fact, I feel like in my quest to become respectable and mature, I've kind of lost my inner child. He's in there, but trying to fight his way out. Another close friend has told me 'the quest to maintain a perfect image is fruitless, because sooner or later all your hard work will be ruined.' And it's so true, but even though I am completely aware of and acknowledge the truth of this statement, I still can't bring myself to 'go crazy.'

There will always be people out there who will want to bring you down. It's your choice whether or not you let them. They can spread rumors, tell lies, insult you to your face. It's all just petty. They can ruin your image, but as long as you know who you are it all doesn't mean a thing. How hypocritical it is of me to say that but not be willing to take the risks to test the waters.

I guess I'm afraid to lose control. When you take risks, there's things you can control and things you can't control. You can control your own actions and how you react and respond, but you can't control the people that will judge you. You can't control what people will say. And that makes me afraid. Even the best calculated risks can go wrong. But then again, what kind of life is a life lived in fear? I feel like I'm at the point where I'm going to get repetitive soon, but I'm trying to drill it into my own skull. No one likes to lose control though. It makes you feel helpless, and it's scary. It's like free falling. You're basically completely putting your trust in your friends to catch you. But ultimately I feel like it would exponentially strengthen your bonds with the ones who are there for you, the ones that are still there at the end of the day, those are the ones that count.

I have no idea how I got so sidetracked. Anyways, sometimes I feel old, almost like 30 years old or something. If I try to act especially childish on purpose, I usually end up feeling foolish and regretting it, feeling like I wasted a whole bunch of time. That's only sometimes, but generally I feel like my inner kid is gone. I'm aiming to bottle up some youthfulness and rediscover my inner child. Maybe I'll go to Neverland or something. Never grow old.

Unexpected Lessons

2009-10-09T23:35:00.000-07:00

This is a really bad habit. I've started playing this flash game in my free time, or to procrastinate. It's a game where it goes on forever and basically you just kill as many helicopters as you can. I know it sounds silly already :P. But as strange as it sounds, I've actually learned quite a bit from my experiences playing a computer game. I've noticed that when I play it safe and try to be conservative and stay alive, I get a consistent amount of kills, but it's usually a medium to low number. I tried playing aggressively and taking some risks, and it resulted in some absurdly high kill totals. Basically it's taught me a concept that's applicable to life. To succeed greatly, calculated risks are absolutely necessary. There's another thing that I've learned. Failure is O.K. When I started out I was getting killed after 2 kills. I didn't let that discourage me, and now I'm putting up gaudy kill totals every time. All of this is kind of strange, revolving around a flash game. You learn things from the most unexpected sources.

Pet Peeves

2009-10-07T20:31:00.001-07:00

I've finished all of my homework and it's only 8:30, and I already took a nap today so I don't feel like sleeping quite yet. I'm trying to buck the trend of non-productivity and develop my work ethic, so I'm blogging, which seems like something productive as opposed to reading SI articles and watching Youtube videos. That's probably my biggest pet peeve. My own inability to self motivate myself. But I'm leaving that behind, I'm on my way. And so I thought, hm, I should make a list of pet peeves for fun. Here we go.

We got our English tests back today, and you know what that means. The typical clamor of 'What did you gets' and 'How did you do this's' and so on. One commonly practice tactic of showing off your score if you did well is as follows. The person that did well asks another person how they did, while honestly completely uninterested in what the other person got. After the poor victim that clearly knows the other person's intention replies, the person that did well goes, well I GOT so and so.. to rub it in their face. I've definitely done that before, call me a hypocrite, but it's become less of a habit. That's a big one for me, especially when I didn't do so hot.

I hate how my shower reads my mind and does the opposite of what I want. On hot days I have blistering hot water and on cold days it's lukewarm. It's not cold, but it's just slightly almost warm which kills me because it always seems like it's heating up. I even tried flushing the toilet before showering to make it hot, which DOESN'T work by the way.

Another one of my big ones is when people walk RIGHT in front of you. Honestly I don't know why people find that behavior necessary. It really really annoys me, I don't even know why. When people walk right in front of me I feel like plowing through them rudely on purpose. I know it sounds pretty rude and inconsiderate, but that's how much it annoys me.

It absolutely have to have 1408 in front of people's phone numbers, or rather a 1 in front of their area code. I also have to have their full first and last name, punctuated correctly. It's kind of an OCD thing.

Handwriting

2009-10-06T21:27:00.000-07:00

I'm writing my pre-lab for chemistry right now, 'Emission Spectroscopy.' It happens to be written in English, but far as Mr. Kucer could be concerned tomorrow, it could be in Japanese. It's not like I don't care about the legibility of my handwriting, it's just straight up bad. This time I even told myself I'd write super neat. I chanted, cheered myself on. I was going strong as I hit the halfway mark, but it all fell apart there. By the end you couldn't even tell 'spectral fingerprints' from 'continuous spectrum.' I'd like to push off this problem as hereditary, but my mom's handwriting is amazing and my dad's just might be better. Heck, if Joan of Arc were alive, she could probably write words neater than I can, and she can't even write. So what's wrong with me? I try hard to fix it, different grips, different mentalities, asking for tips. Is it possible that I have DTHS? (Disastrously Terrible Handwriting Syndrome)The chances are likely.

The Fun Fairy

2009-10-06T19:26:00.000-07:00

Our parents are great. They do so much for us and love us unconditionally, and really we could never do anything that would amount enough to repay them. We're grateful to them, and really should be far more grateful. We're really really lucky. But something's weird. Parents are amazing, no doubt about it, but why aren't they fun-loving people like us? Once in a while they'll have a spurt of childlike fun, but like a shooting star, it's there and gone. I honestly can't imagine myself becoming like that, all business, no fun. I don't want to become like that. It confuses me. What happens between now and then that turns them into non-fun people? During math class today I came up with a clever theory.

So what happens between teenage times and adult hood is that once you turn thirty, on the last day that you are twenty nine, a fun fairy appears out of your pillow. She looks like whatever you enjoy the most. She could look like a block of cheese, like a baseball, like a video game, whatever your heart most desires. Naturally, you'd want to go towards it. It's nature's greatest lure. Once she draws you in, she coils around you like a snake, and sucks all your fun out with a big hug. Then it's all over. She's turned you into an adult. Then she erases everyone's memory of you ever being fun. Trippy. I wonder how I figure this out. Maybe the fun fairy will get me early now.

Followers

2009-10-05T22:20:00.000-07:00

Hey, if you're reading this, you should become follow this blog. Actually, you know what? Followers aren't important to me. That's not what's important to me, it's not why I write this blog. The two statements I just typed are both true. While I do like recognition and looking at the 'followers' count and seeing a high number, it's not all I write for. But still, I'm not going to lie, it's important to me. Is it human nature to relish in glory and recognition? Do people do things for the sheer sake of fame and wealth? If true, does that make me writing this blog any different? I feel like it's a mixed answer. I write this blog because it's one of my most potent stress relievers. I can pound out my feelings on the keys and at the same time, practice writing for the future. A win win combination. But I'm guilty of wanting recognition, of wanting the knowledge that people read and care about what I write. And I'm wondering if this is human nature, and if it's a bad thing? That's not to say that if I was informed that no one ever read my blog and ever would that I would stop writing completely. I have to admit I'd probably write a little less, but it's still my hobby and my outlet and that knowledge wouldn't stop me cold. The quest for attention drives our society. Business men work hard to get rich and get money to spend things on to get attention from others. Pro athletes train hard to become the best at their game to attract the most attention from the fans. Comedians, Actors, Talkshow hosts become the best in their field to get the most attention. In a world driven by attention, is it a sin? If it's the motivation behind our actions, then why do we commonly look down upon those who seek attention? Why do we put down the Terrel Owenses, the Paris Hiltons, the Manny Ramirez's of the world? We're guilty of the same crime, aren't we? I'm gonna let you digest that for a while, I'm proud of how much I've written today.

And if you're reading, do hit that follow button. Because you are indeed important to me. A comment wouldn't hurt either :P

A child's audacity

2009-10-05T21:53:00.000-07:00

Being an accompanist for younger choir groups has taught me alot of things. Well actually it hasn't yet, it's only been 3 weeks. But being able to sit there an observe while the teacher conducts the class has led me to notice something. Children are so open, so brave, so communicative. I honestly feel if adults should take a day and learn from their small children. Small children have no need to lie. Heck, I don't even think they know how to lie. Small children have nothing to be afraid of. They aren't afraid of being judged by their peers. In the younger class, when the teacher asks for volunteers to sing by themselves in front of everyone else, they're all eager to get up in front of everyone. It's such a contrast from the older groups, where volunteering for things like that is a hesitant matter. Small children aren't afraid to say what's on their minds. If they have to go to the bathroom, they'll yell, I have to go to the bathroom!! That was kind of a poor example, but you get the point. I feel like when the older people (us) communicate with each other, most of the time it doesn't feel like it's pure and true. It always feels like there's something twisted, something hidden, as if we're afraid to always tell each other the truth. What changes from our childhood til now that leaves us to untrusting, so guarded, so afraid? I'll leave you with a quote. "To live afraid is not truly living."

Old Yearbook Nostalgia

2009-10-05T21:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning, in an effort to procrastinate from working on my chem lab, I decided to go through last year's yearbook and read everybody's signatures. They made me laugh, made me smile, made me remember inside jokes and memories from last year. It was like stepping back into freshman year. Nostalgia worked like a charm like it does every time, making me feel warm and fuzzy inside remembering all the good times. But it also made me kinda sad. Reading the signatures, frozen in time last year reminded me that though we might not want to acknowledge it, life goes on. People move on, people change, friends come and go. We be friends with somebody whom we think we'll be friends with forever; maybe we will be, but it's just as likely that maybe within a year we won't even talk with that person. I was thinking about that as I flipped through the signatures. It was crazy to think about, these people who had written me a full page in my yearbook just a summer ago, now we barely talked. Likewise, some people who didn't even sign my yearbook were some of my best friends today. Crazy how that happens. I guess it's a sad fact of life though right?

Quotes

2009-10-03T21:59:00.001-07:00

I really really like good quotes, but I can never remember them all and they can't all fit into my Facebook info, so I'm going to make a post to keep them all where I can look back and remember them. Feel free to contribute to the collection. (:

"Try not to be a person of success, but rather a person of virtue."

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one."

"To love anything, it has to make you sad too."

"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."

“Why do we fall? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up.”

"You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself one."

"All men dream but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes to make it possible."

"You are the handicap you must face.
You are the one who must choose your place."

"To win without risk is to triumph without glory."

"You are never a loser until you quit trying."

"Trust men and they will be true to you; treat them greatly, and they will show themselves great."

"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny."

"We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere."

"What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?"

"A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway."

"What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies."

“The way of the superior person is threefold; virtuous, they are free from anxieties; wise they are free from perplexities; and bold they are free from fear.”

"Life is short, break the rules, forgive sooner, kiss slowly, laugh without control and always keep smiling!
Maybe life is not the party that we were expecting, but in the mean time, we're here and we can still dance....."

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a
smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the
smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life
around."

"Some people walk in the rain... others just get wet..."

"Whom we love best, to them we can say the least..."

"Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine."

"Dost thou love life?
Then do not squander time,
for that is the stuff life is made of."

"The future depends on what we do in the present."

"After the game, the king and the pawn go into the same box."

"i should be inside doing my homework right now. in the short term, i'd be happier here, outside playing in the snow. in the long term, i'd be better off inside doing my homework so i can get a good education. but in the very long term, i know which will make the best memories."

"Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true."

"Every artist was first an amateur."

"Inspiration and genius--one and the same."

"Happiness is where we find it, but rarely where we seek it."

"There is only one way to happiness, and that is to cease worrying things which are beyond the power of our will."

"Men spend their lives in anticipations,—in determining to be vastly happy at some period when they have time. But the present time has one advantage over every other—it is our own. Past opportunities are gone, future have not come. We may lay in a stock of pleasures, as we would lay in a stock of wine; but if we defer the tasting of them too long, we shall find that both are soured by age."

"Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities."

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us."

"The question for each man to settle is not what he would do if he had means, time, influence and educational advantages; the question is what he will do with the things he has. The moment a young man ceases to dream or to bemoan his lack of opportunities and resolutely looks his conditions in the face, and resolves to change them, he lays the corner-stone of a solid and honorable success."

"The seat of knowledge is in the head, of wisdom,
in the heart."

"A wise man learns by the mistakes of others,
a fool by his own."

"It is easier to be wise for others than for ourselves."

"It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop."

"The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones."

"The block of granite which was an obstacle in the pathway of the weak, became a stepping-stone in the pathway of the strong."

"If you aren't going all the way, why go at all?"

"What you dislike in another take care to correct in yourself."

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

"You don't really know yourself or the strength of your relationships until both are tested by adversity."

"You can't hit a home run unless you step up to the plate. You can't catch a fish unless you put your line in the water. You can't reach your goals if you don't try."

"Goals are dreams with deadlines."

"And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow."

“Obstacles are things a person sees when he takes his eyes off his goal.”

“Age wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul.”

“The only... real failure in life is the failure to try.”

"Don't ask for an easier life; ask to be a stronger person."

"If you want your life to be a magnificent story, then begin by
realizing that you are the author and everyday you have the opportunity
to write a new page"

“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.”

“To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”

"Each indecision brings its own delays and days are lost lamenting over lost days... What you can do or think you can do, begin it. For boldness has magic, power, and genius in it."

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

“Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.”

"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.

"What would you do if you weren't afraid?"

"Straight ahead of him, nobody can go very far..."

"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important"

"To forget a friend is sad. Not every one has had a friend. And if I forget him, I may become like the grown-ups who are no longer interested in anything but figures"

"One only understands the things that one tames,' said the Fox. 'Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends anymore."

"People can be the wind beneath your wings or the anchor for your ship"

"When I was young and free my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country. But it too, seemed immovable. As I grew in my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, but alas, they would have none of it. And now as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realize: If I had only changed my self first, then by example I would have changed my family. From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country and, who knows, I may even have changed the world."

"Kindness is a language the dumb can speak and the deaf can hear and understand"

"The difference between a flower and weed is a judgement"

"Push as far as you can go; give it 100 percent. And once you've gotten there, push harder. Don't get comfortable."

"It takes alot to step out of your comfort zone. People will tear you down, tell you that you shouldn't even have done it in the first place. But angry crowds and screaming fans are basically the same. They're all just making a bunch of noise. It's all about how you take it. If you pretend that the angry crowd is a crowd of screaming fans, someday they will be."

"Men cry not for themselves, but for their comrades."

"Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon."

"You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover is yourself."

"Never frown because you never know who is falling in love with your
smile."

Masks

2009-10-02T20:51:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I wrote about not knowing who I was. It's been maybe 4 months now, and nothing's changed. If anything it's gotten more confusing. I feel like in life today it's hard to just be one 'yourself' all of the time and just roll with it. We're all in so many different groups and activities and cliques that it's so hard to just have one image. At least it is for me. I wear many masks. There's school Eric and choir Eric and waterpolo Eric and baseball Eric and at-home Eric and so many others, each slightly different from the other. It's unconsciously that I put up these facades, and with each new one I lose a little bit more of my grasp on who I am.

You could probably tell me who I am better than I can. Why is it that we all have to hide ourselves behind our respective personas? That's something that I've been frustrated by recently as well. I feel like no matter how much time to spend with someone, no matter how many inside jokes I share with them, no matter how many memories or deep talks or dramas I go through with them, I always feel like I don't REALLY know them. Like Really. Deeply. Truly. I'll know alot of things about them, what they like, what they eat, what music they listen to, etc. But I don't feel like I know them. Them, just plain and simple. What's hindering me, I don't know. Maybe this happens for other people too. I wouldn't know.

To me, things seem to come easy to other people most of the time. Save for periods of discontent and frustration, everybody seems to get along well all of the time. For me I'm usually pretty content with my life, but something always lingers in the back of my head, something I always feel I can improve on to make myself better. For that I'm partially glad. I like to see that I always have a hunger and a desire to improve myself but under those same circumstances sometimes I feel like I can't relax. I definitely think i have ADD or something. I can't focus, I can't sit still for more than 3 minutes if I'm not engaged in something and I get bored in a stationary position pretty easily if I'm not tired. I'm an active person who's lost a tendency to work hard. In other words I'm a walking contradiction, or disaster.

What's going on?

2009-10-02T20:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I didn't really have a great day. It was strange actually, it was a pretty good day until after the game(which we lost to Harker 9-8 on account of poor reffing, but has nothing to do with why I was in a bad mood.)After I came home, I was feeling pretty down and frustrated about myself. The fact that I was tired, hungry, and badly sunburned definitely contributed to it, but basically all that did was make me feel really pessimistic, deviating from my optimistic norm. I started examining all the negatives in my life, instead of appreciating the positives. Basically I was annoyed and frustrated over nothing. But being in a bad mood yesterday did make me realize a change that's occurred in my life recently. I've become a quitter.

All my life, I've never been the most talented. Not in school, not in sports, not in music. But there's always been one thing that I've prided myself on. I've always worked the hardest, no matter how tough it got, I wasn't about to quit. I'd look at the talented kids who were better than me without even trying and say to myself, "It's ok, I work way harder than them. Someday I'll be better." But in the past weeks, the past months, maybe even since last year, I feel like I've lost that. It shows even in the simplest of tasks, like swimming 400 straight yards of freestyle before a water polo practice. Old me would have ate it up, no matter how much it hurt. Now all I can think about is how tired I am and how much I want to stop and take a break. I hate thinking like that, but it seems like it's inevitable, because to consciously try not to think that would involve thinking that in the first place.

Outside of the pool, it just seems like that I myself am not willing to put forth the full effort that I should in order to accomplish what I want to accomplish, attain what I want to attain, to reach my dreams. I'll set a goal only to do nothing to achieve it, thinking that life to work itself out and give me what I want. It feels like I'm holding myself back. It's made me nothing more than a dreamer. There's nothing wrong with being a dreamer, but a dreamer who doesn't work for his dreams is nothing more than a fool who wastes his time idling the days away. I just don't want to end up like that.

I didn't write this post looking for sympathy. I basically just wanted to remind myself that I've got to stop wasting my time. I have to tell myself that I have to grow up and realize that I've taken alot for granted and that in real life people have to work, and work hard to reach what they want. I guess in essence I'm glad that I had a bad day yesterday. My pessimism helped my realize this, and instead of continuing to waste my days just going through the motions, I can begin trying to change my paradigm and recapture my old work ethic. Time will tell.

Time well'nt spent

2009-09-29T08:50:00.000-07:00

Made up a new word: welln't. It's like didn't, but welln't. well+not. This morning isn't going to well. I have a free first period so after water polo morning practice, I come home and relax until 9:30. I spent the good part of an hour watching ESPN and reading SI when I got to thinking "Man, I feel so lazy. Isn't there something better I could be doing right now?" It bothered me alot, but I was too comfortable to get off the couch, so I didn't move. Finally I gathered the energy to get up and walk over to my room to write this post. It annoys me that I have this free time, and I'm too tired or lazy to use it for something productive. I'm proud that this is my second post of today though! But seriously,javascript:void(0) when I don't have homework or something I could be learning something useful, like french knotting, or playing the bagpipes, or something. Anyone got ideas?

Birthday Wishes

2009-09-29T08:41:00.000-07:00

So it's a real good friend of mine's birthday today, and it got me thinking about birthday wishes. Everybody knows that when it's your birthday, you close your eyes and make a wish before you blow out the candles. I was thinking, you get one wish when you blow all of the candles out at once, right? So would it work if you made a wish and then blew out each candle individually, making a wish every time? Or is it like all the candles at once is one awesome wish, and each individual candle is one mediocre wish? Tricky stuff. There's some food for thought. Happy birthday Akshay (Kush)

Brotherhood

2009-09-23T21:36:00.000-07:00

Brotherhood, as defined by the free online dictionary, is either the state or relationship of being brothers, fellowship, an association of men united for the same purpose, or all the members of a professional trade. By word meaning, free online dictionary got it absolutely correct. But brotherhood isn't something defined by words. It's a feeling. I know it's kind of weird to say this, but for me, it's a feeling feel in my bones. It's what Crystal Young Men is all about. Basically everybody knows something to an extent about the awkwardness and difficulties a guy goes through when their voices change, but what many don't realize is that it's far more awkward and irritating when you're in choir at the same time. Your range fluctuates, you crack constantly, and your confidence is at an all time low. Overall it's a pretty embarrassing period of time. In the Young Men we all understand what our newcomers are going through. I mean it's happened to all of us so we can definitely empathize with their situation. I remember when it happened to me it was crazy awkward. But the older guys didn't make fun of me, they didn't laugh at me. It was completely the opposite. They'd help me out, give me support, encouragement, and friendship. I thought those guys were the coolest guys ever and I wanted to grow up to be just like them. In choir, we're all really good friends. But I feel that the bonds we develop in young men goes even beyond that. We're all brothers. There's honestly no other way to say it. The very principles the group was formed from and grew from are trust, care, and love. Sometimes people can't understand how we're all such good friends for people who only see each other once a week. I understand their situation. If I wasn't in Young Men, I wouldn't understand either. It's a really great and unique experience, and I feel so appreciative that I have the opportunity to participate in it. We look out for each other, are here for each other, goof around with each other, face voice changes with each other, voice cracks and all. We're the Young Men.

It's Back!

2009-09-17T14:35:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was one of the best weekends of my entire life. Not only did I spend 2 days at General music camp leading a pack of mini-choristers, but after we got back, we piled into a car and went to... The First Choir Rehearsal of the 2009-2010 season! I was exhausted on the way back from music camp, but on the ride to rehearsal, I could not have been more excited. I was basically hopping with anticipation. When we finally got there, I bounded out the door and raced to rehearsal. Honestly, it felt like I was 5 years old. It was hard to control myself. I got to the rehearsal room where everybody was waiting. I broke out into a huge beaming smile, I just couldn't help myself. I was so glad to be back around the people that I considered my family. As rehearsal progressed and singing commenced, the smile remained plastered to my face. It was no fickle sensation. True love. Break time was great, even more fun that rehearsal. It'd been so long since we'd all seen each other, there was too much catching up to do. Another round of rehearsing, and sadly it was time to go already. It was way too short. It comforted me that I had next Sunday's rehearsal to look forward to, and the one after that, and the one after that, for a long time. I smiled with content. Hey ya'll, choirboy's back. Life had never been better.

'You Belong with Me'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fw9QMSl9Xic
Story of my life with choir

(:
Eric

General Music Camp '09

2009-09-15T22:25:00.000-07:00

General Music Camp was one of the most unique experiences in my entire life. It was absurd. It was such a strange mixture of fun and stress and exhaustion that I'm not quite sure there's another experience like it. Honestly, at first I was slightly skeptical of the whole deal. I'm not really the best with small children and spending a whole weekend leading a whole troop of them sounded like a disaster. After the first couple of hours at camp, my skepticism seemed like it was legit. It'd sometimes be hard to get my boys to listen to me, and I was already pretty exhausted. They never agreed on anything, or had any interest in participating in anything, whether it be group activities, rehearsals, or cleaning up after mealtime. Overall, it was pretty frustrating. At the same time, getting all this attention from my group members was overwhelming. Small children are pretty much open books, pure unfettered emotion. They don't have much to hide. I could see that to them, I was a an 'older cool guy,' a role model, an influence. It was pretty cool, but at the same time kind of staggering, knowing that anything I did could possibly influence their behavior in the future. As the day went on, it got better and better. My skill in lanyard making increased dramatically, as demonstrated by my construction of a pink acorn. After that was the campfire. It was fun, despite my group complete failure of a skit. We did a couple dances after all the skits were done, which we tons of fun. It was a good time just to be myself and not care what anyone thought.

I also really enjoyed bonding with and getting to know my fellow cabin leaders better. Our pow-wow at night was simple, but still fun and filled with laughs. I introduced the game 'Gorilla' to everyone and we had a great time making animal noises and 'bings' while laughing to the point of an ab workout. Then we reviewed our forgotten dances and listened to the teacher's excellent serenade. Overall it was a great time.

The next morning, it was a bustle of ceremonies, performances, and dances. Basically the fruits of our work at camp. After that we had play time for about half an hour. When it finally all came to an end, I kind of surprised myself. I was sad to leave. Through all of the stress, frustration, and exhaustion, I guess a part of me really felt it was a worthwhile experience all along. Well, hindsight is 20/20. And you know what? It was.

Hoping to come back next year,
Eric

Mr. Herberich

2009-09-09T22:21:00.000-07:00

We had a substitute teacher who was really a character. His name was Mr. Herberich. He said it like it was. He told us how our teacher had a great lesson planned for us, which he also said would be wasted on our teenage minds. He talked about how Spanish is not an accepted language for a science major, and how he hated rubrics. It all seemed pretty trivial. He was a funny guy, who went against the typical teacher mold. He was entertaining, so we listened. Then he gave us a piece of advice gold. He launched into a story about his daughter who was applying to a prestigious college. She was smart, smart enough to get an interview with a drafting officer who would decide if she got in or not. She had lunch with the woman, a big English buff. It just so happened that his daughter had taken a great interest to a specific English topic, one that the woman happened to be in love with. The drafting officer was so surprised that his daughter could carry on a highly intelligent conversation about English for so long that on that alone, she got in. And so, concluded Mr. Herberich, always pay attention. You never know what in the future might help you out, so make sure you know it all. I thought that was really interesting, and it really did motivate me to pay attention more, to know as much as I could. After all, there was no way that his daughter could have known in high school that her interest in English would have helped her get into college 2 years later. It inspired me not to take knowledge for granted and to realize that anyone, anywhere can teach me something. Sometimes I feel we take knowledge for granted. We even complain about it. And yet without it we'd be completely lost in the dark. I also feel sometimes people aren't open minded enough, thinking that they are older, wiser, or superior, and therefore don't stand to gain anything from those who are 'inferior' to them. It's absolutely true that anyone can learn something from anything. Just got to have an open mind.

HAOP
(Have an Open Mind)
Eric

I like..

2009-09-06T20:48:00.000-07:00

I read the blog of a close friend, one of whom's posts had a list of what he liked, and at the end, he put in a little encouragement for the rest of us to write a page, so that he might take them back to college and put them up on his wall. I am one of the many who made one for him, so I thought I might as well post it here too.

I like

layering up and huddling together on a cold winter day

hangin’ with friends at the crack of dawn

deep whispered conversations in the dead of night

crawling into bed after a good day of hard work

sitting in a quiet spot to just think

facebook notifications

open windows in a moving car

butt warmers in a cold car

knowing I influenced someone

knowing I made a difference

a nice hot shower after a cold day

looking a stranger in the eye and drawing a grin

learning something from the most unlikely sources, or people

stargazing

making wishes, knowing that it could be all for naught, while secretly hoping they could be real

looking up at the night sky and wondering what could be out there

overcoming adversary, doing things people say I’m not capable of, standing up for myself, my beliefs, and my principles.

inspirational quotes and stories that make you stop and think a bit

the way warm sand feels under your feet

how beautiful views take your breath away and leave you momentarily speechless

to spend a day with a friend, or a couple, and just hang out and talk, do basically nothing. No movies, no games, no shopping, no sports, just old fashioned talking
I like…

listening to and making great music, the kind that gives you chills

singing in the shower (shower acoustics are the best)

harmonizing with a friend, a classmate, a stranger

the feeling of accomplishment after a grueling task

leaping into a refreshing pool on a hot day

working out until exhaustion

taking strolls with friends

to take a moment and appreciate all that I’ve done, all that I have, and all that will come

Most of all, I like…

My family

AND

My friends

Now you know what I like, I wholeheartedly encourage you to take a moment and think about what you like too! And make me a page for me wall, lol :P I wouldn't mind that.

Got your back

2009-09-01T20:27:00.000-07:00

Recently I had a phone conversation with a close friend in which I attempted to derive the source of my recent loss of passion and fire for water polo. As we talked about it, I started saying how it wasn't fun for me anymore, practicing with varsity because I was always beat by older, more experienced, bigger, more skilled varsity guys, and maybe that was the reason I'd lost my fire. After listening intently to me, my friend came up with up with a simple answer, just six words, that made everything clear to me. 'Maybe you need to work harder.'His simple answer really made me realize, I'd really been slacking off alot. I hadn't been working hard at all, and I'd basically let that become the norm for me.

I am so grateful that I have such great people like my friend looking out for me; people like him inspire me, humble me, and most of all set an example for me that I try to follow. It's important that we look after each other. If I got your back, you got his back, he got her back and she's got my back, we're a big lovin' family. Just remember, I got your back.

Mission Statement V. 1

2009-08-21T21:50:00.000-07:00

So first off I’ve decided I’ve procrastinated enough on writing a first draft about my mission statement. I was thinking for a while about a mission statement, how I’d assemble it, if it’d be long or short, if it would be a motto or just a sentence. I finally decided to just start off with a foundation, list the ideals I’d like to embody and the goals I want to achieve.

I acknowledge that as I grow and mature I may think differently, but these are the big ones for me right now.

Honesty/Trustworthiness – This one is an extremely important one for me because trust is the basis of relationship, of any kind. If there were no trust in the world it’d be a huge mess.

Passion – This is definitely integral, passion is your drive and motivation, without passion you cannot succeed. People who are really passionate about something and work ridiculously hard inspire me. To see how they finally succeed gives me hope that with passion and hard work, I can succeed as well.

Compassion – The connection between two human beings. To me, when I think of compassion, it’s co-passion with an m thrown in between. To be able to connect and feel for another is something I’d like to embody because I feel it would really help me to know myself and others better.

Kindness – “Kindness is a language the blind can see and the deaf can hear” – Christian Bovee. That quote pretty much sums it all up. Kindness is one of two universal languages.

Determination/Persistence – Once again, I’m picking all of my principles based on what I see in others and admire. Those who work tirelessly to finally see their dreams pay off give me hope.

Open/Optimistic – I really admire those who step out of their comfort zone, expanding it, time and time again, and those who no matter how dire the circumstances, always look sunny side up.

Reliable/Accountable – I want to be the one who’s always there for somebody else, who can be counted on to fulfill a promise, the one who gets the job done in group projects. It doesn’t matter if it’s a big deal or a small favor, I want to be the one others have complete faith in.

Goal(s)

Become a loving, appreciative, accountable child
Become a trustworthy, reliable, compassionate companion
Become a hardworking, big dreaming student
Become a classy, fierce, passionate competitor
Become a compassionate, open leader
Become a passionate musician
Become a trustworthy open peer worthy of other’s respect.

Based on my current valued principles and aspirations, I’ve come up with this first stage mission statement. It is all me, only me, and changes to me.

Mission Statement:

Care more than others think is wise
Risk more than others think is safe
Dream more than others think is practical
Expect more than others think is possible
Work more than others think is necessary
Give more than others expect of you

It's the Happiest Land on Earth

2009-08-18T08:38:00.001-07:00

Well, it's over. The highlight of my summer, Choir camp 2009. It was the most anticipated event of the summer, then it was now, and now it's gone. And it was a thousand times better than I ever could have imagined it would be. It makes me sad to think it's over. I get a kind of deflating feeling. My heart gets hot and seems to sink a little in my chest. I'm sad for the seniors, because for them, it's the last one. People talk about how they can come back and it'll be just like old times, but they know deep down inside, it's not the same.

Enough of the sad, time for some happy. Choir camp was flat out amazing. But before I go into it, I have to give props to Anna Lin. She works ridiculously hard every year, coordinating everything about the camp as meticulously as Michelangelo to make sure that we all have the best time ever. And you know what? We always do. After camp, everybody always says 'Man oh man, choir camp was so great this year!' or 'I miss choir camp!! It was so amazing!" Nurtured by Lin lao shi's tireless work, Choir Camp could challenge Disneyland for the title of 'Happiest Place on Earth.' Besides the end of camp round of applause, Lin lao shi receives little to no recognition or appreciation. She never asks for any either. It's people like her who inspire me; should inspire us all.

Our conductors were terrific. I learned so much from Stephen Leek and David Wait. Though they had different teaching styles, they were instructing along the same lines; tall vowels. There was one thing that Stephen said during rehearsal that really stuck with me. 'Push until you're giving it 100%. And once you're there, keep pushing. Don't get comfortable.' It's so true for all aspects of life, whatever you can think of. We set goals for certain levels of quality, but once we're there, we tend to remain idle, and progress comes to a halt. The same can be said in a social environment. It's like the story of the frog in the well. If you don't step outside your comfort zone, you will never know what (or WHO) is sitting outside your well, and you miss out on opportunities to create friendships, to influence people, and most importantly, to BE influenced. You just might meet that one person who changes your life.

Speaking along the lines of friendships, that was an integral part of my camp experience. I met many amazing unique people while rekindling old friendships and strengthening current ones. Here's some honesty. In the midst of meeting so many people, I felt inclined to try and spend some time with every single one of them, stretching myself thin. In that process of trying to please everybody, I feel like I kind of disappointed everybody a little.

Now I'm getting to the point. Basically I just wanted to say thanks, to take a brief moment out of my day to express my appreciation. When I'm at choir camp, despite the slightly uncomfortable housing, average food, legions of bugs, and minefields of deer poop, I feel like I'm at home. Home is where the heart is, and your heart is with those that you love, your friends and your family. So then it would seem obvious why I feel at home. Fellow choristers are not acquaintances or even merely just friends. We're family. It's taken me 8 years for me to see this, how foolish I feel. It is only now that I realize how blessed I am, to be able to call myself a part of Crystal Children's Choir as my chest swells with pride with a warm tingling feeling spreading throughout my body. I look forward to cherishing and making the most out of the coming year, as well as making sure to appreciate my last two choir camps.

Tensync '09 - We'll Never Really Say Goodbye

2009-08-04T22:33:00.000-07:00

Wow. Where to start?

I guess I obviously have to start off by thanking everyone in Tensync for giving me my first chance, the opportunity to be in the group. I can honestly say that Tensync is the best thing that has ever happened to me. It opened alot of doors for me. I developed as a singer and performer. More importantly, it gave me tons more confidence, both as a singer, and as a person; empowering me with the inner strength to freely express myself and my feelings as an individual.

The year's had it's share of inside jokes - Kevin Chang's instant pizza and 'When you least expect it,'everything about Michael's wealthiness, Clare's 'dart accuracy,' Daniel's 'mountain,' and tons others that I can't recall right now.

It's not as if I don't have any regrets from my year in Tensync though. I have one solitary regret, one that irks me all of the time. I regret that I didn't go out of my way to get to know the seniors earlier, because soon they will be going away. It really struck me a week before the concert. 'Man, in a couple weeks, these guys will all be gone..' As I'd just gotten to know them better, I felt compelled to fit a whole year's worth of hangout time into a single week, a daunting task for even the most motivated people. We did indeed spend a ton of time together that week. But that's beside the point.

Last but not least, I had some individual shout outs and well wishes for my departing musical companions. You are all amazing, funny, kind, incredibly talented people, and I will miss you all when you go to college.

Clare So - I can't even begin to express my thanks to you. You were the first friend I made from Tensync, and showed kindness and later on unconditional love, without exception. Thanks so much also for arranging the music, directing rehearsals, figuring out schedules, and basically doing everything. I don't know what we have done without you. You're fun to talk to, an over cautious driver, and an amazing singer/musician/performer/pianist. Best wishes to you at Berkeley, I'm sure you'll have no problem making friends.

Kevin Chang - When you least expect it!! Hey man, you are one cool dude. You remind me of a mushroom. You are a fun-guy (yeah?) Gotta learn someday that pizza isn't instant though. We could talk cars and girls all day and all night. You got quite the appetite too. Can you match me head on? Canada was fun, 50 orders of sashimi! Plus all that other stuff. Good work. I really liked the tie you wore to all of our performances. Someday we will move up to Arkansas and start that silkworm farm. You have a good voice, I especially like your falsetto. The eyebrows are great too. Have a great time at Riverside, spittin with big buff black guys.

Emmy Fa - You are the next Ingrid Michaelson. You are really frank haha. But you are really funny too, so that evens it out. You make super good cookies. I love how you are a giants fan as well. I hope you have a great year at Indiana, I have no doubt that you will make many friends as well.
P.S. The giants will win the world series this year. If not this year, next year.

Michael Gu - You are too rich for your own good. Just kidding. Thanks for driving me around all the place this year, I know it must have been a hassle. You're a bean pole of a funny man, a good buddy. You should sleep more often, you're kind of short man. Just kidding. Hope you have a great time at Berkeley.

Joyce Shaw - Last but not least. You are so quirky and funny I can never tell when you're being for reals and when you're not. You're always Joyce no matter what anyone else says, which I really admire about you. You are a really good singer and a fun, outgoing person. Hope your time at Berkeley is fantastic!

Last of all, just want to thank everybody who's a part of Tensync. Thanks for my first chance. Thanks for being a part of the best part of my life.

Choir: The Journey

2009-07-12T01:29:00.000-07:00

I can't say that my choir life had auspicious beginnings. In fact, you might even say the opposite. Honestly, I hated choir back in the day. Let me rephrase that. I despised it. Wait, that didn't come out quite right. I loathed it. Darn, that didn't sound too good either. No matter how I sugarcoat it, the real truth is the same. Choir and I didn't really get along in the early 2000s. Nope, not at all. Every week, I'd complain and drag and complain some more about how choir was such a useless waste of time and how it was soooo boring and how I thought it was so pointless and I'd never get anything out of it ever and it was draining our income and how I should quit. Immediately. Some of my worst memories back in the day were from choir. Boring, boring, boring, getting in trouble talking in class, boring, boring, accidentally eating a dog snack, boring, boring. At this point you could say choir and I had been having a turbulent love affair. Heck, you could barely call it a love affair.

Slowly as I grew older, thing started looking up. I don't even remember Rainbow, Red, or Orange. In Yellow we took a trip to San Diego, that was pretty fun. I have some memories from that trip, staying up eating junk food and playing pranks. Those were good times. I started thinking, 'Hey, maybe choir's not that bad.' The next year, we took a trip to New York. That was pretty good too. Could it get better from here?

The answer? Absolutely! I got into Concert level and I think it was around then that I started making friends. Yeah, that's right, friends! Amigos! Peng You! Buddies! Pals! There was the Italy trip, and that was pretty fun. I got my first taste of singing with the Young Men, and that was great. One more time, could it get better from here?

The answer? Yes Sir! I reached the Youth/Young Men's group and times were good. No more struggling every rehearsal with airy falsetto, fighting to be heard. I wouldn't say I hit the ground running though. It took me a long time to get my feet wet. I wasn't the most confident child ever, so it took me a while to get to know people. Plus, we had a conductor named Roger. He was kind of boring. Reminiscent of the times in lower levels. Still, it was pretty good. I met some new people and grew closer to the friends I already had. Choir began to take a more prominent place in my life, right up there behind school and then swimming at the time.

Then, this year came. Roger out, extra Young Men time in. The music we sang this year was exciting and fun. With every passing rehearsal my confidence grew, I learned a bit more. Once in a while, maybe I talked to someone I never talked to before, and maybe made a new friend. I'm never going to say I made rapid progress. That's not how it was. But slowly and surely I grew to really love choir. It's kind of like a flower. Flowers don't grow over night. They take a while to develop. Plus they take alot of sunshine, water, and fertilizer to grow. But when they finally grow out to their full potential, they're beautiful to behold. That's me in choir. I took, and am still taking, alot of time to develop. Plus, I need alot of sunshine and water to develop. I'll pass on the fertilizer though. And I don't quite know how I'll turn out yet. It could be good, maybe bad, perhaps average. Anyways, what really capped off the choir year for me was the annual concerts and the Canada trip. At the annual concerts, it hit me that the end was already here. 'Woah, that was fast. That was a fun year. I really learned alot. I'm looking forward to next year.'

Canada was the experience that really opened my eyes. I've written my thoughts on it already, but to sum it up, it was incredible meeting all of these people and to share our music together. Yet another amazing experience was to see people moved by our music. That's something that somebody outside of the musical world will never understand, the power of music.

I consider school and choir the two most important things in my life. I also consider them two completely different worlds. At times, school people can be cold, criticizing, harsh, unaccepting, and generally unwelcoming. I can honestly say that I have never found choir like that. Choir people are always supportive, kind, caring, and welcoming. If I had to describe the way I see it, I'd say that I consider most of the people I know at school friends, associates, and good friends. I'd call choir people family. That's what we are. We back each other up and are always there for each other. We cherish the happy times together and support each other in the bad times. How many school friends can you say that about? Probably a handful.

The graduating seniors and alumni always tell me how lucky I am to be so young and have so many years left in choir, and how I should cherish it well. In earlier years, I was naive, and would think nothing of their words of wisdom. I'm just now fully realizing what it means to be a chorister and appreciating the opportunities that I'm receiving as well as the experiences I go through as part of the choir. I consider myself beyond lucky that my parents forced me to stick with it through all of the years. I'm eagerly anticipating my last 3 years in choir; I have no doubts whatsoever that they will be amazing.

To everyone who is a part of choir, thank you for being a part of the best part of my life.

Much Love

Canada '09

2009-07-06T00:29:00.000-07:00

Time of your life

'Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist,
directs you where to go.

So make the best of the test, and don't ask why. It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end
it's right.

I hope you had the time of you life.

So take the photographs and still
frames in your mind.

Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time.

Tattoos and
memories and dead skin on trial.

For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. I hope you had the time of
your life.'

Canada '09, to put it frankly, was among the most, if not the very most amazing experience I have ever had in my entire life. It was fun, memorable, moving, sentimental, enjoyable and everything in between. It was a really intense bonding experience. Not only did I forge new friendships with my fellow choristers in Crystal Choir and exponentially strengthen my bonds with my existing friends, but I met great amounts of new people from places such as Chicago, Illinois, Quebec, Montreal, and other places. At first I was honestly really daunted by the prospect of trying to meet new people. What shocked me was not only how easy it was to talk to these people that I'd never met before in my entire life, but how welcome they made me feel and it made me think 'Why aren't people in other places like this? Why aren't all the people at school like this?' At school sometimes people are cold, sometimes they're judge mental, sometimes they're flat out mean. None of that here. At the festival I didn't meet a single person who was like that. It wasn't about sexes. The number of unfamiliar girls there far outnumbered the amount of unfamiliar guys there, but that had nothing to do with it. If anything, we bonded tighter with our fellow guys than with girls there, and in no time at all. We became bros overnight. We became one unit, a really cohesive bunch. One of our guest conductors, Dr. Adam Con noted that, saying 'Now you guys just all sound like one voice."

That brings us to the two conductors. Both of them were unique in their style, but both were fun to work with, insightful, and wise. It was very unfortunate that we only had so much time to soak up their teachings. Dr. Adam Con, dubbed A-Con, was the funny energetic tai chi master. The most significant lesson that I will carry on from him is the concept of 'being here.' What he had us do was put our fingers on the top of our fists, telling us to 'be here, and nowhere else. Just be here for a while.' This was particularly significant to me because for some reason or another, I have problems focusing and concentrating on one thing sometimes, so to have this simple exercise I can do to retain my focus for me was huge. He also gave us all a great feeling of responsibility, saying 'If you guys mess up because of me, it's my fault. But if you mess up because of you, it's your fault.' Personally I liked how he treated us like adults. The other conductor, Francisco Nunez, was a passionate guy who looked like Raymond from Everybody loves Raymond. At first it was really frustrating to rehearse with him because he was so meticulous. We'd have to do everything phrase in the music over and over again; it seemed like no matter what we did, he could always find a flaw. But as we got more familiar with the music and more accustomed to his style of conducting, it was a blast to sing with him. He had an intense inner fire to him that was flat out contagious. He often spoke to us about passion, ranting about it off and on during his rehearsals. He'd say "Come on! I don't feel your passion! Where is your passion? Without passion, you're all just a bunch of kids singing some notes. You're not musicians." I've really taken that to heart. Passion is really important. There a level in everything you do that you simply cannot reach if you have no passion. Passion drives you, motivates you, keeps you ticking. That's why Francisco is so great at what he does. He's got such great passion about what he does and he cares so much, he can't help but be good.

Sure, the trip was great for it's educational value and social value, but a great deal of what made the trip so memorable was the sentimental value, the emotions. At our featured performance, it was really nice to see all of our hard work come to fruition in the form of standing ovations and screaming crowds. It was all such a huge jolt of adrenaline. It made us all feel like rock stars.But that's just the cherry on top. The important thing about it is that we all had fun with it, left it all on stage with no regrets. Sure, you'll remember the screaming crowds, but as all of your memories mush together like bad mashed potatoes, you'll still clearly carry the memories of laying it all on stage with your best buddies. At the closing ceremony when all of us were all on stage together, it was complete unity. It was as if every song we sang was 'We are family,' except not. I don't really know how to explain it. It was incredible. After we finished performing our program, George played 'Praise his holy name' as we filed out of the auditorium. That was really cool, and a great way to end a great series of performances at the festival. It was kind of like a 'sing me down the road' thing, like in the movies about pioneers on the plains. Maybe that last bit doesn't make sense. That's just how I feel.

I've saved the best one for last. It deserved a whole paragraph to itself. This last performance wasn't even really part of the festival. For all you non-goer-on-trippers, you probably think that this was a massive concert in front of millions and millions of screaming fans and that is why it is so deserving of it's own body of words. That is entirely incorrect. Our concert in Seattle on our way back home from Vancouver took place in a small, hot, church in front of an audience of maybe 200 old asian people. At the beginning of the day, most of us were complaining about having to perform in our current state, battered, tired, and sick. At the end of the day, I wouldn't have had it any other way. Come show time, all complaints--except about the weather--had vanished. Despite our worn out state, our performance was just as good, if not better than the ones we'd already given. One memory from performing which I will never forget is just a random observation. While performing 'Child of God,' I noticed an old man in the middle of the crowd watching us. Just a random old man. As the song went on and our choreography got more and more energetic, his mouth dropped wide upon. At the end of the song, he cheered loudly and clapped energetically, as if he were 5 years old. That absolutely made my day. After all, to perform is to try to connect with the audience and make them happy. That wasn't even the most memorable part. There was more to come. Our last song, Zai Bie Kang Qiao 'Farewell to Cambridge,' was a song that another choir had already sung earlier. To perform it again was a daring move. It could either be a big flop or a hit. When our harmonized 'mmms' trailed off, the crowd of people stood up and clapped and cheered and clapped and cheered. Mind you, this was a crowd of lethargic old people, not the enthusiastic teenage girls we were used to. To move a crowd of elderly people with our music enough for them to stand up and cheer like they would in their golden days really touched me and showed me the real power of music.That something that people who don't do music will never understand. It's just not a feeling you can explain. What's more, during the song, our conductor Karl, started crying, and then so did his son, Kevin, which started a mini chain of crying, tears of sadness from the seniors who were singing their last song ever with choir, and from everyone else who was sad because of the departing seniors. It wasn't over. After a brief reception with really strange tasting tea, we were at it again. Karl corralled us all to the stage to sing three more songs. 'We are the Choir,' 'Time to say goodbye,' and 'You Raise me up.' I hadn't cried during the first 'finale.' I wasn't really expecting to, or planning on crying the second time. But as we started singing, I really couldn't help myself.

Lyrics as followed:
We are the Choir

'Another year has come and gone. A year of joy and tears, love and work and song.

What can we say? What can we do? How can we let you know how we feel today?

We are the choir, and we will sing for you. It seems like yesterday we first shared a song.

Only yesterday we sang it loud and strong. And when tomorrow comes, though we're far
apart, all our memories, we'll carry in our hearts.

So here we stand, hand in hand. Our voices soaring high, like a bird in flight.

We are the choir, and we have sung tonight.'

I probably cracked and broke down around...What can we say? Nope, I didn't last long at all. All around everyone started crying. It was moving, sentimental,touching and stunning with a little amazing mixed in to see all of these people crying. Typing those lyrics just now still gave me a jolt of emotion. You know that feeling? That feeling where it goes either up from your feet and then quickly through your body up to your head like you suddenly get warm? Or the other way, from your head down to your feet? Happened while I was typing that. Makes the bottom of my heart heat up. I guess I've discovered the real meaning of 'from the bottom of my heart.'

Time to say goodbye [English]

'When I feel so all alone I dream of the horizon and words fail me. Yes, I know
there is no shedding sunlight in a room where sun is missing.

If you're not here, you're not here with me. From every window, I will shout that I give you heart, my whole heart.

You gave me, you gave me hope. You gave me light that you found by the way side.

Time to say goodbye, to places I've never seen. To places I've not shared with you.

Forever I will go on. I'll sail, sail with you. On ships I will sail, across the seas.

The seas that no longer exist. It's time to say goodbye.

When you are so far away, I dream of the horizon and words fail me. And of course, I know that you are with me.

You, my moon, are with me. You, my sun, are with me, you'll always be with me.

Time to say goodbye, to places I've never seen. To places I've not shared with you.

Forever I will go on. I'll sail, sail with you. On ships I will sail, across the seas.

The seas that no longer exist. It's time to say goodbye. Sail with you. You and I!'

The song is sung in Italian, and the song doesn't really make sense in English, but basically the moot point is saying goodbye. I honestly didn't sing 90% of the sing, my throat was too choked up for any sounds--let alone words-- come out.

You raise me up

'http://www.lyricsdomain.com/10/josh_groban/you_raise_me_up.html'

My fingers are getting tired. This was our final song all together, I believe. At the end of the song, it was just a massive hug fest, tears all around, it was very emotional. I feel as though the words moving, touching, sentimental, memorable,and emotional have been used about a trillion times in this post, but it is absolutely necessary. I saw a quote in a friend's AIM profile that I really liked. It said: 'Real men don't cry for themselves, but for their comrades,' referring to our emotion-filled last day.

Amen Brutha.

There are other memories.. eating 50 orders of sashimi in a huge team effort, and many others which I can't think of right now that really added to the trip experience. But what really made my trip was the show of pure, raw, unfettered human emotion, the show of unjudgemental unconditional friendliness displayed by people we'd never met before in our lives, being able to come together with other choirs and share the gift of music, moving people with our music, learning from the teachings of two brilliant conductors, and being able to bond so much with those within our choir. I guess what I'm trying to say is that something like this doesn't come along very often. It's not like it happens to you every day. I really appreciate that I got the chance to go on this trip and experience all of this. For that I consider myself lucky.

Much love to all and best of wishes to the seniors of '09.

'It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. I hope you had the time of your life.'

Legit?

2009-06-21T00:27:00.000-07:00

Everybody loves to say legit.
It's like it's the SAT word of the week or something.

Don't get me wrong. I like to say legit too. But lately it's got me wondering. Does it really mean anything?

********************

legit

Pronunciation:: \li-ˈjit\
Function:: adjective
Date:: 1908

slang : legitimate

***********************

1.	legit	793 up, 139 down
	Real. Meaning: Not fake or Real(Cool).

***********************

legitimate

Main Entry:: ¹le·git·i·mate
Pronunciation:: \li-ˈji-tə-mət\
Function:: adjective
Etymology:: Middle English legitimat, from Medieval Latin legitimatus, past participle of legitimare to legitimate, from Latin legitimus legitimate, from leg-, lex law
Date:: 15th century

1 a: lawfully begotten ; specifically : born in wedlock b: having full filial rights and obligations by birth legitimate child>2: being exactly as purposed : neither spurious nor false legitimate grievance> legitimate practitioner>3 a: accordant with law or with established legal forms and requirements legitimate government> b: ruling by or based on the strict principle of hereditary right legitimate king>4: conforming to recognized principles or accepted rules and standards legitimate advertising expenditure> legitimate inference>5: relating to plays acted by professional actors but not including revues, burlesque, or some forms of musical comedy legitimate theater>

***********************

Alright we get the point. It means for real. Or something like that. It makes sense when you're talking about a movie or a song or something. But when you start hearing it in sentances like

"Oh dude! My mom's home made orange juice is so legit!!!"

or

"I like Mark. He's a legit guy."

That makes you stop and scratch you head a little

Perfect Flaws

2009-06-20T22:16:00.000-07:00

I think it's safe to say that everyone's goal in the world is to be 'perfect'
It's what everybody dreams about.

But would being perfect be all that great?

Take Twilight for example.
The Cullens are smooth, godlike in physical appearance, and just 'perfect' overall.
But because they are so perfect, they intimidate all those in their wake, isolating themselves in the process.

Is that what it would be like to be perfect?
Living in your own little world, unable to relate to anybody?

Humans by nature are flawed. To be perfect would be to be inhuman. If you think about it, alot of our talks with our good friends are about problems. If you were perfect, you wouldn't have problems. How would you ever be able to become close to someone? It's like trying to discuss your issues with the spider on the wall. I'm sure he won't be able to relate.

To be flawed is to be perfect...ly human. It's just the ways in which you are flawed that change the way you are perceived by other people.

Trends, Change, and the World

2009-06-19T23:56:00.000-07:00

Trends are really interesting. It's unclear who starts them. In our modern day society, everyone is content on being a conformist, just 'going with the flow' or doing what everybody else is doing.

If you stop to think about it, you really wonder how trends get started.

That's exactly what I did today. I sat there and wondered how trends got started. I came to an interesting conclusion.

You know those people that everyone calls 'weirdos?'
Yeah, those people who hang out with the other 'weirdos.'
They're 'weirdos' because they dress differently, they talk differently, they act differently than the rest of the general population.

But if nobody ever acted different, would society ever change?

If the naked crab way back in the day never decided he was tired of being cold and put on a shell, would we have the hermit crab today?

If the Quadopus back in the way never decided he was tired of having only 4 legs and grew 4 more, would there be the animal we know today as the octopus?

If some random guy there didn't decide he was going to wear the ugliest shoes in the world and not care at all what people thought about him, would we have ever been introduced to crocs?(TM)

Change in the world isn't like the mailman. It doesn't show up every day Sunday on your doorstep at 12 pm just waiting to be recieved.

Change, whether big or small is like driving to the mail office to get your mail. It requires a big bowl of idea, a half pint of motivation, and exactly a tee-spoon of pro-activeness.

Everybody aspires to do something with their lives that affects someone else's. It's the people who turn thought into action that are hoisted up, heads and shoulders above everybody else, and proclaimed heroes, saviors, messiahs, miracle people, whatever you want to call them.

Honestly, everybody in the world could do the same.
We're just all too lazy.

So quit reading this blog and get off your butt and do something to change the world.
Well I guess you could start small.
The world's a big assigment for a rookie (; .

"Somebody once asked for some change to get some has 'I need to get myself away from this place'

I said yup, what a concept, I could use a little fuel myself and we could alll use a little chaaaaaaange."

[Background Music Fade out]

Tangant of the Day

2009-06-19T23:53:00.000-07:00

I'm just going to put a thought out there
This is something I've wondered for a very long time.

What's at the front of a traffic jam?
Can YOU [I] be at the front of a traffic jam?

I've always imagined the front of a traffic jam being a tandem of cars, and in front of them, miles and miles and miles of unoccupied road just waiting to be driven over.

Doesn't that sound awesome.

The Escape

2009-06-16T22:35:00.001-07:00

No, I'm not running away from home.

My pet has not escaped the house.

No convict has recently broken out of the county jail.

....What could this entry possibly be about then?
This is so....AMBIGUOUS [Thank you freshman vernacular]

ok enough flaunting of 9th grade vocabulary.
Let's get to the bottom of this.

R

E

A

D

T

H

I

S

Ok that was really obnoxious.
What I'm really trying to talk about in this post is movies.

Wait no sorry I meant.....

movies.

.

Yes, movies.

[Insert reader's name here] says to computer screen: "What? that doesn't make sense at all! I watch movies while sitting on the couch. What does this have to do with escape? I thought this was going to be an interesting post! Man, this blog is really going downhill..."

Movies are an escape from the toils and boredom of normal, repetitive, tedious routines of every day life.

Haven't you ever walked outside one day and just wished it was raining gumdrops of something?

Don't even dare to say no.

Haven't you ever wanted to be a swashbuckling pirate looking for mountains of treasures?

Yeah, don't even think about saying no.

Haven't you ever wanted to be stalked by an insane teacher that kills all your friends and does bad stuff like that?

Eh...I think we'll pass on this one.

Bottom line, movies are like a hole in the world.

Not to say that as a bad thing. It's like movies are a hole in the world that you can just hop into and disappear for a while, be someone else, somewhere else, doing some thing else. Think about it as teleporting into a different time, place, into a new life. It really lifts any burdens you have off of your shoulders for a while, removes all of your stress. Hey, who knows, maybe it even has health benefits, or something.

Everybody needs to get away once in a while.

Quotes

2009-06-16T19:25:00.000-07:00

"The harder you fall, the higher you bounce."
-Doug Horton

The first thoughts I had upon hearing this quote was that it must only apply to bouncy balls, people on trampolines, or anything else made out of rubber.

Definitely not to people though.

Even though nowadays people say 'Gotta bounce'
I'm pretty sure they aren't thinking of this quote

Ok. Ok. Ok.
No more weak attempts at humor

honestly, this quote is really inspirational. It's nice and straightforward, encouraging one to forget a setback, a loss, a rejection, and spring back with more gusto than ever before.
It's simple too, but goofy enough to make you stop and think: 'Wait....huh?'

Here's the perfect case example of an embodiment of this quote.
See if you can guess who this is.

1831 - Lost his job
1832 - Defeated in run for Illinois State Legislature
1833 - Failed in business
1835 - Sweetheart died
1836 - Had nervous breakdown
1838 - Defeated in run for Illinois House Speaker
1843 - Defeated in run for nomination for U.S. Congress
1848 - Lost re-nomination
1849 - Rejected for land officer position
1854 - Defeated in run for U.S. Senate
1856 - Defeated in run for nomination for Vice President
1858 - Again defeated in run for U.S. Senate

Any guesses?

He's a teeny shade over 3 foot 2
Wears funny hats
Lies come out of him like water out of a sprinkler

I lied. He's the opposite of all of that.

It's honest Abe! United States President.

You'd figure after sucking so much, he was bound to have something go well for him. Law of averages, right?

anyways, goes to show, even though he was beaten down over and over again, Abraham Lincoln rose up better than ever before and what do you know, even though he failed about a million times, in the end he captured the presidency.

Hope you learn something from that

Gotta Bounce
(;

Morning Adventure

2009-06-16T18:06:00.000-07:00

This summer, my friend Krishnan [A.K.A. water buffalo] and I have dedicated as many of our mornings are possible to running at least 2 hours a day.

Yesterday was our morning debut.
Boy, was it a debut.

We met up at the stoplight across the street from the high school and made our way to Montalvo, so we could climb the hill. Krishnan insisted on going from one of our friends' houses because 'that was the only way he knew how to get there.'

Turns out, he didn't even know how to get there from there.
We would have been completely lost..if it weren't for a kindly middle-aged woman with a dog whom we wittily dubbed [Woman With Dog]

It was actually kind of weird. Every time we got lost, She'd be right there with directions. IE: no it's a left turn, or up that driveway, or down that street.

On one of our countless blunders along the road, we met an old man with a dog who also kindly gave us directions. We decided to be more creative with his nickname and dubbed him [Grampa Olivarri]

skip skip skip skip skip skip skip skip

Attacked by a fatty bug.
Poisonous.
Gross.
Tried to attack my head too.
Ran up and down.

OK sorry about that this is the worst post ever.
Bottom line.
Morning Adventures are fun

Good thing we live in 'Toga, not Oakland.
Otherwise this might have gone really differently.

When You Wish Upon a Star

2009-06-12T22:17:00.000-07:00

I've been listening to tons of Disney music lately, but I've really been stuck on 'When you wish upon a star' from Pinocchio. When I listen to music over and over, I start analyzing the lyrics and thinking about all of the possible real life scenarios and interpretations.

The lyrics are as followed.

"When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you

If your heart is in your dream
No request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star
As dreamers do

Fate is kind
She brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of
Their secret longing

Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a star
Your dream comes true"

Listening to it over and over again, I come to appreciate it as a universally uniting song. Change the lyrics to adapt to your own life, and you can sing the song with your own story.

Example: The typical Teenager.

When you wish upon a star
I could get a brand car
Anything my heart desires
Should come true.

Example 2: Your typical terrorist

When you wish upon a star
I could start a nuclear war
Anything my heart desires
Will come true.

Example 3: Your angry farmer

When you wish upon a star
My neighbor will be covered in tar
Anything my heart desires
Will come true.

As demonstrated, the lyrics can be adapted to be 'anything the heart desires.'
It's good that this stuff isn't for reals though.
That'd be a disaster.

But it's good to have a lil dreamer in all of us

Seizing the Moment

2009-06-11T21:06:00.000-07:00

It seems like sports has a funny way of inspiring my posts.

Today, while I played my friend in foosball, [Foosball is a sport. No arguments.] I came upon a situation in which the ball was trickling slowly towards my goal. I judged the momentum of the ball and deemed that it did not have the speed to fall into my goal, instead, I assumed it would stop softly against the goal railing, providing me with an easy motionless ball to control.

As the ball rolled closer and closer to my goal, I thought: 'What if I'm wrong? Is there any harm in hitting the ball before it even gets a chance to reach my goal?'
At that point, it was too late.
Contrary to my predictions, the ball was not stopped by the rail and plopped into my goal pocket with a dead thud.

This scenario starkly reminded me of a similar theme that I've been experiencing, and having difficulty with in my life lately: "Seizing the Moment."

Take the foosball episode for example. Had I seized the moment and gone ahead and delivered a crippling blow to the ball, the ball would have been cleared out of my side of the field, perhaps I might have even scored a goal. Even if my friend had pulled one of his annoying deflection kicks and scored on me, the result would have been the same as when I did nothing.

Passing up oppurtunities and doing nothing only limits your options, and by doing so you have taken control of your future out of your own hands.
It's something that I've stubbornly ignored up to this point in my life, and it's been killing me.
I can do nothing but wonder about the possibilities.
Never let someone else dictate how your future turns out.

It's important to live in the present while simaltaneously thinking about the future.
After all, there's a reason it's called 'The Present.' It's a gift. It's supposed to be great.
If it wasn't supposed to be awesome, they would have called it 'The Burden," or "The Nuisance," or something stupid like that...

P.S. People who know me pretty well are probably giddy with a case of 'I told you so-itis'
To them I say:

You told me so.

Lesson of the Day

2009-06-11T14:11:00.001-07:00

I'm prodding the bottom of both of my feet right now.

You know how when you order pizza, sometimes it comes with those air bubbles that are fun to burst and then eat from the inside out?
Well...I have them.
Two, in fact.
On the bottom of both of my feet.
Only they're neither fun to pop, nor edible.
In fact they're blisters, and they're quite painful.

No more 6 hour basketball marathons in super thin non-supportive shoes.
It will never turn out well.

Enigma

2009-06-11T13:37:00.000-07:00

I'd like to say I'm confident.

I'd like to say I'm intelligent.

I'd like to say I'm witty.

I'd like to say I'm talented.

I'd like to say I'm mature.

I'd like to say I'm wise.

My dad would like me to say I'm responsible.

I'd like to say many things.

I'd like to--but none of it would be true.
Don't get me wrong. That'd be totally sick if it were.

But I'm am none of these things.
Sure I'd like to be perceived that way, to emanate all of that as part of my natural being, but it would all be an illusion.

It's all just a mask.
Behind the smoke and the mirrors, the charade put forth in search of public acceptance, I'm really just another lost person looking for an identity.

But honestly,

aren't we all?

Confronted by the question : [Who are you?]
You'd probably answer that with your name, occupation, and possibly various titles and accomplishments.
And yet they're just meaningless words, holding up the structure of society, but at the end of the day worth nothing.

It's the one question that quite possibly might never be answered.
Because identity is what people spend their entire lives searching for.

Goals

2009-06-09T18:36:00.000-07:00

A group of my friends and I have recently been trooping over to Will's house after school to play basketball. It was fun stuff. I discovered I could knock down pull up jumpers like it was nobody's business. It became my strong point, the first thing I would mention in a head to head argument about basketball skills.

A week later, it was still the same routine. Just one thing changed. I couldn't make a single shot beyond a layup. Frankly it was flat out ridiculous. I wasn't even consistently missing in a uniform fashion. I was all over the place. Wide, high, low, you name it. I missed. I tweaked my shooting mechanics constantly. Nothing seemed to help. I just got more and more frustrated.

After taking some flak from my friends, especially the water buffalo, I'd pretty much had enough. I went outside to play some basketball in the backyard to relax after doing some finals studying. Same old story. Left, right, up, down, I missed in every possible manner. Tired of tweaking my mechanics, I thought: "Hm, well it isn't so important how I make the shot, as long as I do." With that in mind, I shot around some more.

It was amazing how such a little change in mindset could change my game so drastically. It seemed like as long as I focused on landing the ball in the basket, it would be in any time. Well, almost. [If that was true, forget school, hellllo NBA.]

At this point, you must be thinking 'Well, that's all cool and stuff...but what does this have to do with goals...'

Getting to the point.
After my return to shooting respectability, I realized what my flaw was all along.
I'd become so enamored with my technique, convinced that that had to be what was wrong with me that I'd become so obsessed with how I'd achieve my goal [shooting into the basket] that I had completely taken my mind off of what I was trying to achieve by fixing my mechanics in the first place.

In essence, it's not really important what manner you achieve your goals in, but it's important that you never let it slip from your mind what you set out to accomplish.

It's important that you don't lose your way.

First Things First

2009-06-09T18:28:00.001-07:00

Let's set one thing straight.

Honestly, are you wondering why this blog is called 'Chasing my Hot Air Balloon?"
Me too.
Cool, glad we're in the same boat.

You're probably confused now. I'm wondering about the blog's name, you're wondering about the blog's name, who knows the story behind it?

In truth, no one does.

This blog was started on sheer impulse, only because i felt compelled to get my thoughts down in words
The name? Sheer spontaneity.

So Impulse and spontaneity are pretty much the foundation of this blog.

What's soon to come?
No idea, but a voice in the back of my head tells me..yeah, you guessed it, it'll be random, hectic, silly, pointless, and not to forget, spontaneous.

Glad we could set things straight