Think.Think.Think.

Been thinking alot lately. Big grab bag of thoughts really. I've been meaning to write for a while but I keep forgetting. It'll come to me as I write. I think. I hope.

Through our lives, we meet tons of people, make tons of friends. Specifically I'm talking about high school. I can't really think about the world extending beyond high school considering my situation, so let's focus on that for now. Throughout our high school careers we'll definitely make a ton of friends and meet a bunch of people. That bears the question: Is it possible to be tight with everybody? I have to think, try as you might, it's impossible. I know this and still I try. Slightly foolish. I try to be friends with everyone. Sounds vain huh. Don't know really, I guess it feels good to have a bunch of friends, but at the end of the day it's kind of empty knowing that none of them are super close. It's reality that we have to pick and choose the closest ones.

If you really think about it, it's down to who you think you'll still be friends with after high school's over. Four years down the road and you won't even know many of these people. So why make the effort for them? I don't really know. It's hard though, you feel like you're neglecting some people. And when you value all of your friends the same, what is there to do? Why must we be forced to pick and choose? I guess this is something I have yet to learn.

Another thing on all the people that we'll meet. They all come and go, some stay for a little while longer. Some leave their imprints on our souls, leaving us forever changed. It's crazy how you can feel all 'mature' and developed and how you can think that you're wise and that there's nothing left that you can learn. Truthfully, I'm sure that I've felt like that numerous times not just in my life, but even this year. And I'm shocked every time to discover that a couple weeks down the road, I'm here, writing about how I was foolish and immature a couple weeks ago and how I've learned from my experiences. Well this is another one of those times.

I've been so hypocritical, preaching not caring about what others think about you while at the same time soaking in my insecurities. I've been stubborn enough to fool myself into thinking that I've been acting on what I'd been saying, fully expressing myself without caring what other people though. But as time has shown, the joke's on me. But now I feel a change in perspective. I don't know what caused it, or when specifically it started, but now I have a mindset that runs along the lines of: I've got one life to live. I want to be someone who's remembered. I want to be someone who makes an impact. I want to be the one who leaves the footprints on souls. I want to be the one who makes a change in a life, small or big. Not the one who's there just for small talk and then gone. I'm going to express myself regardless of what other people think because at the end of the day, an opinion is an opinion. I'm going to stand up for what I believe in even if I'm the only one because if not me, then who else? I'm going to live life to the fullest and let haters be haters because I'm not going to let them shrink my existence. I'm going to be me, and people can take it or leave it.

I don't even think I've fully lived up to that statement yet. But I finally feel like I've started to. And it's definitely liberating, and rewarding. Sure you hit bumps and roadblocks on the way, but what's life without some hardships. They only make you stronger. I hit a minor roadblock today. I got frustrated with myself because it seemed like I was reverting back to my old self, not taking any chances, being kinda subdued by myself. But I'll take it as a sort of learning experience, it shows that I'm only human and that there's always room for improvement, for which I am glad.