Parents.

I always readily admit that I live a safe, good life, and that I am lucky to be living in the situation that I am. But there's one aspect of my life that I feel like I totally neglected for the bulk of my life, and I'm afraid that now it's too late to rescue it. And that's the relationships with my family. Mostly my parents.

My parents are such important people in my life. I love them so much and they give me so many opportunities and make sure I don't stray off on the wrong path. And yet in return I've ignored them, brushed them off, placed them in a mental back seat to everyone in my life. For my whole life I have, unconsciously or not, placed my friends, coaches, team mates, etc. ahead of my parents. It just seems so messed up. The two people who are supposed to be two of the most important in my entire life. I talked about it to another friend who said he felt the same way, and he said that it was partially because he felt like his friends understood him more than his parents. I kinda feel that, but at the same time it's not fair to my parents to say that, since I haven't made any effort in my relationships with them so it would be unreasonable to expect them to understand me at all.

I wish I could tell them though. But it's scary for me to let people in. It's so frightening to let someone in, to have them so close to you because you know that they can hurt you so easily. It's crazy though, for me to have been ignorant, rebellious and ignorant for so long, spurning the greatest gift of life: parents. There are kids out there who aren't even lucky enough to have parents and here I am wasting the fact that I do have them. I hope that I can grow close to my family. I do hope and hope and hope. But it chills me to the bone. I am so scared that it's too late. I do hope.