Showers

Man I love the shower. Whenever I'm stumped or frustrated I get in the shower and feel better. I don't even have to turn the water on. Besides that, I like the shower obviously because it cleans me with hot water that is amazing, but also because it has AMAZING acoustics. Has anyone noticed that? I'm a decent singer, but when I get in the shower and start singing I turn into MJ, Chris Brown, Ne-Yo, whatever celebrity. It's crazy man.

But yeah, the shower's great. A 3 foot by 6 foot little steamy box with hot water in it, it's like the perfect world. I get all of my best thoughts and ideas in there. You know how all those amazing artists and mad geniuses take drugs and drink to be brilliant? Well it's like that. Only not. Yafeel?

Here's one idea I got while taking a shower. So this was last year around winter formal. And I was thinking of asking ideas. I came up with this. So you take a note that says 'This is how much you'll hurt me if you don't go to formal with me.' AND, you tape it to a freakin ROCK. Then, you go up to the girl, and CHUCK the rock with the note at her. WOW. She'd totally think it was super cute. Either that or destroy you. But hey, it's better than my dad's idea. He told me to write 'formal' on long fuzzy socks and make it really cool looking, and then during a conversation be like hey i'm wearing really COOL SOCKS TODAY and pull my pants up. Yeah? No.

Livin the Life

Dude I was just thinking, I got this annoying canker sore in my mouth and it's basically a huge problem in my life because it's freakin canker-ous and does things that canker sores do so it's annoying me. Maybe this canker sore's a huge deal to me, but it got me thinking

I live a good life. My problems are small, petty, and insignificant. As cliche`d as it is, there are starving children in African spending every day of their hard to live lives clawing for existence, fighting for their right to life.

And you, if you're reading this right now you probably live a good life too. You have a computer on which to read this blog. You have the time to spend reading my petty bloggings. Your life's probably one you enjoy. If it isn't, it should be. On those days that you're feeling down, just remember that out there, someone has it far worse off than you. Take a moment to be thankful of all that you have, and look on the bright side. Always lookin' up for that hot air balloon.

Due Respect

It has been so long since I last wrote. Not even because I didn't feel like writing. For a good chunk of time I haven't had anything to write about. Now I feel like I got something though.

Everything and everyone deserves respect. Some gather more public respect than others. But everything deserves respect. Take cheer for example. Tons of people take it as a wimpy excuse for a sport, but as I've learned during homecoming rehearsals, it takes balance, courage, and dexterity. Take synchronized swimming. I personally see it as extremely difficult, but other people might not. I find it unbelievable that synchronized swimmers can perfectly time their movements with their teammates, forming complex patterns. Take the people who fold clothes at departments stores, like Macy's. I have no idea how they can stand folding so many clothes in the same pattern over and over again. I would explode. And I don't know how they fold each and every one so perfectly. I tried to fold just one of my clothes like that, and it didn't work. So I'm going to take a moment and pay all due respect. To Everything.

Anyways, life has been good for the past 2 weeks or so. This season of Saratoga waterpolo is coming to an end which disappoints me. That's rather ironic. I distinctly remember in the beginning of the season i disliked waterpolo this year and wondered why I played the sport. Those thoughts are far behind me. I'm very much looking forward to the next year, but also the break. School is going well. I love sophomore year. It's not that much work, but I'm not a freshman. Good stuff. Choir is great as always. Since when has choir not been great?

I've also been thinking about my friends that are already in college. In a couple years they'll be considered adults, and later on, they'll go out in the world to start their own lives, start their own families, find jobs, go places. It seems surreal to me but that's exactly what will be happening in a couple of years. It's insane. For myself, in just two years I will be out of high school and off to college. I can't believe how time has passed. I'm both apprehensive and excited about my future and what it holds in store for me. Whatever may come, I remain optimistic about my present and my fortune. The future is bright.

Sharpen the Pencil

This is probably a story that most people have heard before. A traveler comes across a lumberjack who's chopping down a tree with a blunt saw. The lumberjack is clearly working pretty hard,while making little progress. The traveler makes a suggestion to him, telling him to take a break and sharpen the saw, maybe he would get more work done after. The lumberjack replies, no, can't he see that he's too busy cutting the tree to take a break and sharpen the saw?

Moral of the story: Don't get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that you think you don't have time to take a break, unwind, reflect. I actually thought of that story that I read when a friend wanted to borrow a pencil of mine this morning. I realized that I didn't have another pencil because all of mine were broken. My reasoning for not sharpening them was that I was too busy using them to sharpen them, reminding me of that story. How silly of me.

Sometimes we feel overwhelmed in life. Like we're drowning and there's nobody to save us. The stress overpowers our minds and makes us unable to think clearly. We forget that it's us that are in control of our lives. Soley us, and nobody else. Take a deep breath, sit back, enjoy the good facets of your life and then manhandle (womanhandle?) anything that comes your way. Just remember to sharpen that pencil.

Rinse. Cycle. Repeat.

My life's a washing machine. Not in a good way. Just recently I went through a situation where in a hurry to do something that I feel is great and helpful and sentimental, I fail to think things through thoroughly. It's not an isolated incident. In my rush to be great, to do great, I make brash decisions and actions that end up getting the best of me. I'm sick and tired of it. It's the same thing every time.

Rinse, Cycle, Repeat.

I always thought it was human nature to make mistakes. But I always thought it was human nature to learn from them and grow. So I guess my growth's stunted. What they say about weight lifting is true. Seriously though, it's like an impediment. I always tell myself over and over again that I won't make the same mistakes. Yet they happen again and again.

Rinse, Cycle, Repeat.

I'm not letting this happen to me anymore.

good will hunting or good will edman?

Hi.
I'm Will. What am I doing on Eric's blog? Your guess is as good as mine. Eric told me that I should try blogging, so here I am. And I thought I would give a little bit of a different perspective on life.

I know that a lot of people spend their lives wishing they were smarter, and I'm sure that they've wondered how much more awesome life would be if they were a genius. But I've spent most of my life thinking about the opposite.

When I was a little half-asian kid in Colorado, I was pretty dang smart? Now? Not so much. And I'm actually not being modest, considering that in 4th grade, I had an A+ in algebra.Compared to that, now I'm an underachieving dunce.

Anyway, back then, my parents had some pretty big expectations for me. Nobel Prize? President? Why else would they make me spend half of my days in 4th and 5th grade at the middle school? I don't think they made me go on that bus ride home with the 8th graders every day for nothing.

I don't think I felt stress back then, but I probably felt the closest thing. I was tired of being a genius. All I wanted to be normal. And I guess my wish is granted. A combination of lack of initiative, moving to California, and hardcore music probably dumbed me down.

Today, I'm a bigger half-asian kid in California who suffers through his Calculus class and is constantly stressed because he has to go to an Ivy League school to meet his parents' expectations. Sometimes I wish I had the brains that I used to, but I've figured by now that everything happens for a reason, and I know the pressure I'm under is going to help me someday, and I'll go to college and get a job and change someone's life. That's my goal (along with climbing Mt. Everest and becoming uber-good at skiing).

So what's the moral? I dont know; try hard, don't slack off, accept changes and use them for the better. However I do know that my goal in life has changed for the better. I would much rather change someone else's life than win the Nobel Prize.

And that's a good change.

It takes a Tragedy

Wow. You know all of those terrible diseases and accidents that you hear about on the news or just around? They make you shudder for an instant, but it's ok, because it would never happen to you right? Wrong. Recently I found out that the mother of a classmate of mine had Stage 4 lung cancer. I don't really know her at all, but from what I've heard, she's a selfless, kind, energetic woman The scope of the tragedy is just so enormous that I didn't really comprehend the impact of the situation. People around me would talk about it, and cry about it, and through it all I'd just talk about it like it was any other conversation topic. In retrospect, I'm disgusted by my behavior. How could I be so heartless? Maybe I just didn't want to admit that it could really be happening. I don't really have an excuse for myself.

Just now it smacked me hard in the face, the most brutal reality check I have ever received. It just really hits home for me. Like I mentioned earlier, I'd hear about things like that on the news, but I'd figure it would never happen to me, or anyone I loved, or anyone I knew. Because we were all invincible. Right??

Now I see that that facade has been shattered. Completely. Not a shred of protection shielding me from the cold face of reality. It CAN happen to those around me. They, and myself, are just as mortal as everyone else in the world. And it makes me afraid. At the same time it empowers me with a certain boldness. With the knowledge that we only have so much time to live and we should live it to the fullest dissolves some of my fears. It makes me want to hold those that I hold dear, hold them tight. Tell them how much I love them, tell them how much I care. Tell them how much I appreciate them, how much the brighten up my life. Tell them how much I'd cry, if they were ever to be gone. Because really, what makes them different from my classmate's mom?

Life isn't to be taken for granted, as we often do. We waste time, prance around, thinking we have all the time in the world. We do, and we don't. It's true, we're supposed to have a long time to live. Slow it down, enjoy it. But at same time, it can be taken away in an instant. As someone once said, "Someday your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's a life worth watching." Live life to the fullest. As another friend once said, "Life is short, break the rules, forgive sooner, kiss slowly, laugh without control and always keep smiling! Maybe life is not the party that we were expecting, but in the mean time, we're here and we can still dance....."

Think about the little things in life too. Maybe you don't think a teeny act of kindness to brighten someone's day or a simple compliment or attempt to reach out to that one boy or girl who doesn't talk too much isn't a huge deal, but maybe it is to them. Maybe you come just in the nick of time to turn land a huge smile on their face and turn their day around. Or maybe you give that one shy guy or girl enough confidence to burst out of their shall. You never know. Never squander an opportunity for kindness. It's the small things that make all the difference.


"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a
smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the
smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life
around."



That's almost everything I have to say. I feel emotionally exhausted.


God bless her and her family. May we hope she and the family can make it through. God bless them all so so so so much.


Love all you guys. Much Much Much Much Much Love.




As I now know, It takes a Tragedy.

If

The Man Who Thinks He Can

If you think you're beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you'd like to win, but think you can't,
It's almost a cinch you won't.
If you think you'll lose, you've lost;
For out in the world we find
Success being with a fellow's will;
It's all in the state of mind.


If you think you're outclassed, you are;
You've got to think high to rise.
You've got to be sure of yourself
Before you can ever win a prize.
Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster man;
But soon or late, the one who wins

Is the man who thinks he can.

-Anonymous


I spotted this poem on the wall of my friend's house and I thought it was really great. It's basically talking about the importance of mentality and having confidence in yourself. It's so true too. All the greatest in their respective fields always talk about how it's 80% mental and 20% this and that. People can't go into something thinking they're going to fail and expect to succeed. It doesn't work like that. To create success is to think success.






If


If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;



If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;



If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";



If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!


-Rudyard Kipling


I really really really like this poem. To me it speaks measures about humility and moderation, while appreciating the pure values in life. Did I mention I really like this poem? I envy Kipling's ability to say so much with so little. He speaks so wisely, while not speaking wisely at all. Argh, how I wish I had his ability. I really really like this poem.

Everybody Knows

I decided this post is gonna be a combo attack. Part thoughts, Part MUSIC SHARING. Because music makes the world go round. Seriously. There's this space guy who plays his juicebox, and that makes the world turn. When he doesn't play his juicebox, the world stops. So music makes the world go round.

Since when has it become uncool to show that you care and show evidence of your hard work? Those who work hard in school and get good grades, they're doing what's right, but we band against them, call them nerds and geeks and make outcasts out of them. It's the same story for anyone with passion. For those with the courage to do what we're too afraid to do. We knock them down, make fun of them, destroy their confidence. I can't say I'm free of this guilt. We're all guilty. We all know that they're doing the right thing, what we wish we could be doing, but it's so much easier to blend in the crowd and be like everybody else. Everybody Knows..

We hide our emotions. Why has it become so hard for us to admit feelings for another? Why hide our feelings, in general? Has it become the norm to be like a statue, cold and unexpressive? What do we live for, if not to make life a little easier for each other? People are only inclined to show kindness when others do it first. Why is kindness something that you need to be peer pressured into? Maybe people don't realize how far just a simple act of kindness can go, the difference between a good and a bad day. Maybe not. Everybody Knows..

Everybody Knows - John Legend
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQC8b3bvixs
This has nothing to do with the above, it's just an amazing song. As one a close friend once told me, John Legend is a God.


"Each indecision brings its own delays and days are lost lamenting over lost days... What you can do or think you can do, begin it. For boldness has magic, power, and genius in it."




***** EDIT *****
in the first paragraph, i meant boombox. not juicebox.

Because

I've been pretty content with life for the past month, and of course no good things last forever, so I figured I'd share some thoughts.

I am thankful for the huge pile of dirty laundry on my floor, because it means I have clothes to wear

I am thankful for the sound of my mom nagging me from the other room, because it means I have the ability to hear, and parents who love and care.

I am thankful for the annoying blurriness of my contacts because it means I can see.

I am thankful for the fact that I am wasting time right now instead of doing homework because it means that I have time to waste.

I am thankful that I have massive amounts of homework to do because it means that I am blessed with education.

I am thankful I am worried about tomorrow's math test because it means I have emotions, and that I am therefore only human.

I am so thankful for music and writing because both are such HUGE parts of my life and I can't imagine life without them.

Lastly, I am extremely thankful for my friends and family, who are so caring and supportive, and have been the main reason I am so content with life. (:

I am a really really lucky person.


Maybe last year I wouldn't have had any of those thoughts. I could only see one end of the spectrum, and as a result, would gripe and moan about all of my life's difficulties. The difference between now and last year shows my growth mentally, and how my perspective has changed. I am happy to see that since I am constantly looking for ways to improve myself and become a better person.

Life is good.

Let's give this a try

I've never honestly tried to write a poem before, but here we go. I've decided that my very first poem will be about adversity. Adversity's a cool word.

Adversity

This poem's about adversity
That's what it's all about
Man, writing poems is real hard
Let's get started now

Life's sometimes got you floating on clouds
Sometimes it's got you stuck in valleys
It's not always a non-stop party
We just gotta deal, after all, what can we do?

There's one problem though
One poison in our world
It's name is adversity
It's a perpetual lose-lose

There's always going to be people
not wishing the best of you
They'll always be knocking you down
Clawing you from your lofty perch

What I don't understand is
Why bring each other down
When we have so much
To bring us down already

Why add weight
to someone else's hot air baloon
when you should be
trying to lighten your own load?

One of life's mysteries
As to why people act this way
But it's not that important
Because what matters at the end of the day

Is you know who you are
You know what you're capable of
Stay true to yourself
Then in the end

Adversity will never be
Your foe.
Adversity will be
Your friend.

Strengthens you
Feeds you
Motivates you
Fuels you

Because in a world where everyone's looking down
You'll be the only one looking up



Well, that was it. I feel kind of cliche`d. But it was fun to write a poem. Writing a poem has a flow to it for me that I don't get from just writing paragraphs. It feels like music almost. But from typing. You know what I mean.

Cruise Control

I caught up with a good friend yesterday through a long late night phone call. We talked about alot of good stuff, school, girls, life. It was a great feeling to catch up with him. He's one of those guys where even though we don't see each other and talk that much most of the time, I still value his friendship and I feel like when we see each other and talk, we can just pick up right where we left off without our friendship deteriorating at all. I wish all people could be like that. Most friends, if you stop talking to them for a couple of weeks, maybe even just one, next time you talk to them, it's like you don't even know them anymore. I really don't understand that.

Anyways, in the middle of our conversation, we got to talking people who were shy and people who were outgoing and from there it went to stepping outside your comfort zone and letting go once in a while. He said 'Dude sometimes you just gotta let it go and be yourself you know? Act hella crazy.' His words basically summarized what I hadn't, and haven't been able to do in at least a year. I never feel like I can just completely let myself go and go crazy. In fact, I feel like in my quest to become respectable and mature, I've kind of lost my inner child. He's in there, but trying to fight his way out. Another close friend has told me 'the quest to maintain a perfect image is fruitless, because sooner or later all your hard work will be ruined.' And it's so true, but even though I am completely aware of and acknowledge the truth of this statement, I still can't bring myself to 'go crazy.'

There will always be people out there who will want to bring you down. It's your choice whether or not you let them. They can spread rumors, tell lies, insult you to your face. It's all just petty. They can ruin your image, but as long as you know who you are it all doesn't mean a thing. How hypocritical it is of me to say that but not be willing to take the risks to test the waters.

I guess I'm afraid to lose control. When you take risks, there's things you can control and things you can't control. You can control your own actions and how you react and respond, but you can't control the people that will judge you. You can't control what people will say. And that makes me afraid. Even the best calculated risks can go wrong. But then again, what kind of life is a life lived in fear? I feel like I'm at the point where I'm going to get repetitive soon, but I'm trying to drill it into my own skull. No one likes to lose control though. It makes you feel helpless, and it's scary. It's like free falling. You're basically completely putting your trust in your friends to catch you. But ultimately I feel like it would exponentially strengthen your bonds with the ones who are there for you, the ones that are still there at the end of the day, those are the ones that count.

I have no idea how I got so sidetracked. Anyways, sometimes I feel old, almost like 30 years old or something. If I try to act especially childish on purpose, I usually end up feeling foolish and regretting it, feeling like I wasted a whole bunch of time. That's only sometimes, but generally I feel like my inner kid is gone. I'm aiming to bottle up some youthfulness and rediscover my inner child. Maybe I'll go to Neverland or something. Never grow old.

Unexpected Lessons

This is a really bad habit. I've started playing this flash game in my free time, or to procrastinate. It's a game where it goes on forever and basically you just kill as many helicopters as you can. I know it sounds silly already :P. But as strange as it sounds, I've actually learned quite a bit from my experiences playing a computer game. I've noticed that when I play it safe and try to be conservative and stay alive, I get a consistent amount of kills, but it's usually a medium to low number. I tried playing aggressively and taking some risks, and it resulted in some absurdly high kill totals. Basically it's taught me a concept that's applicable to life. To succeed greatly, calculated risks are absolutely necessary. There's another thing that I've learned. Failure is O.K. When I started out I was getting killed after 2 kills. I didn't let that discourage me, and now I'm putting up gaudy kill totals every time. All of this is kind of strange, revolving around a flash game. You learn things from the most unexpected sources.

Pet Peeves

I've finished all of my homework and it's only 8:30, and I already took a nap today so I don't feel like sleeping quite yet. I'm trying to buck the trend of non-productivity and develop my work ethic, so I'm blogging, which seems like something productive as opposed to reading SI articles and watching Youtube videos. That's probably my biggest pet peeve. My own inability to self motivate myself. But I'm leaving that behind, I'm on my way. And so I thought, hm, I should make a list of pet peeves for fun. Here we go.

We got our English tests back today, and you know what that means. The typical clamor of 'What did you gets' and 'How did you do this's' and so on. One commonly practice tactic of showing off your score if you did well is as follows. The person that did well asks another person how they did, while honestly completely uninterested in what the other person got. After the poor victim that clearly knows the other person's intention replies, the person that did well goes, well I GOT so and so.. to rub it in their face. I've definitely done that before, call me a hypocrite, but it's become less of a habit. That's a big one for me, especially when I didn't do so hot.

I hate how my shower reads my mind and does the opposite of what I want. On hot days I have blistering hot water and on cold days it's lukewarm. It's not cold, but it's just slightly almost warm which kills me because it always seems like it's heating up. I even tried flushing the toilet before showering to make it hot, which DOESN'T work by the way.

Another one of my big ones is when people walk RIGHT in front of you. Honestly I don't know why people find that behavior necessary. It really really annoys me, I don't even know why. When people walk right in front of me I feel like plowing through them rudely on purpose. I know it sounds pretty rude and inconsiderate, but that's how much it annoys me.

It absolutely have to have 1408 in front of people's phone numbers, or rather a 1 in front of their area code. I also have to have their full first and last name, punctuated correctly. It's kind of an OCD thing.

Handwriting

I'm writing my pre-lab for chemistry right now, 'Emission Spectroscopy.' It happens to be written in English, but far as Mr. Kucer could be concerned tomorrow, it could be in Japanese. It's not like I don't care about the legibility of my handwriting, it's just straight up bad. This time I even told myself I'd write super neat. I chanted, cheered myself on. I was going strong as I hit the halfway mark, but it all fell apart there. By the end you couldn't even tell 'spectral fingerprints' from 'continuous spectrum.' I'd like to push off this problem as hereditary, but my mom's handwriting is amazing and my dad's just might be better. Heck, if Joan of Arc were alive, she could probably write words neater than I can, and she can't even write. So what's wrong with me? I try hard to fix it, different grips, different mentalities, asking for tips. Is it possible that I have DTHS? (Disastrously Terrible Handwriting Syndrome)The chances are likely.

The Fun Fairy

Our parents are great. They do so much for us and love us unconditionally, and really we could never do anything that would amount enough to repay them. We're grateful to them, and really should be far more grateful. We're really really lucky. But something's weird. Parents are amazing, no doubt about it, but why aren't they fun-loving people like us? Once in a while they'll have a spurt of childlike fun, but like a shooting star, it's there and gone. I honestly can't imagine myself becoming like that, all business, no fun. I don't want to become like that. It confuses me. What happens between now and then that turns them into non-fun people? During math class today I came up with a clever theory.

So what happens between teenage times and adult hood is that once you turn thirty, on the last day that you are twenty nine, a fun fairy appears out of your pillow. She looks like whatever you enjoy the most. She could look like a block of cheese, like a baseball, like a video game, whatever your heart most desires. Naturally, you'd want to go towards it. It's nature's greatest lure. Once she draws you in, she coils around you like a snake, and sucks all your fun out with a big hug. Then it's all over. She's turned you into an adult. Then she erases everyone's memory of you ever being fun. Trippy. I wonder how I figure this out. Maybe the fun fairy will get me early now.

Followers

Hey, if you're reading this, you should become follow this blog. Actually, you know what? Followers aren't important to me. That's not what's important to me, it's not why I write this blog. The two statements I just typed are both true. While I do like recognition and looking at the 'followers' count and seeing a high number, it's not all I write for. But still, I'm not going to lie, it's important to me. Is it human nature to relish in glory and recognition? Do people do things for the sheer sake of fame and wealth? If true, does that make me writing this blog any different? I feel like it's a mixed answer. I write this blog because it's one of my most potent stress relievers. I can pound out my feelings on the keys and at the same time, practice writing for the future. A win win combination. But I'm guilty of wanting recognition, of wanting the knowledge that people read and care about what I write. And I'm wondering if this is human nature, and if it's a bad thing? That's not to say that if I was informed that no one ever read my blog and ever would that I would stop writing completely. I have to admit I'd probably write a little less, but it's still my hobby and my outlet and that knowledge wouldn't stop me cold. The quest for attention drives our society. Business men work hard to get rich and get money to spend things on to get attention from others. Pro athletes train hard to become the best at their game to attract the most attention from the fans. Comedians, Actors, Talkshow hosts become the best in their field to get the most attention. In a world driven by attention, is it a sin? If it's the motivation behind our actions, then why do we commonly look down upon those who seek attention? Why do we put down the Terrel Owenses, the Paris Hiltons, the Manny Ramirez's of the world? We're guilty of the same crime, aren't we? I'm gonna let you digest that for a while, I'm proud of how much I've written today.

And if you're reading, do hit that follow button. Because you are indeed important to me. A comment wouldn't hurt either :P

A child's audacity

Being an accompanist for younger choir groups has taught me alot of things. Well actually it hasn't yet, it's only been 3 weeks. But being able to sit there an observe while the teacher conducts the class has led me to notice something. Children are so open, so brave, so communicative. I honestly feel if adults should take a day and learn from their small children. Small children have no need to lie. Heck, I don't even think they know how to lie. Small children have nothing to be afraid of. They aren't afraid of being judged by their peers. In the younger class, when the teacher asks for volunteers to sing by themselves in front of everyone else, they're all eager to get up in front of everyone. It's such a contrast from the older groups, where volunteering for things like that is a hesitant matter. Small children aren't afraid to say what's on their minds. If they have to go to the bathroom, they'll yell, I have to go to the bathroom!! That was kind of a poor example, but you get the point. I feel like when the older people (us) communicate with each other, most of the time it doesn't feel like it's pure and true. It always feels like there's something twisted, something hidden, as if we're afraid to always tell each other the truth. What changes from our childhood til now that leaves us to untrusting, so guarded, so afraid? I'll leave you with a quote. "To live afraid is not truly living."

Old Yearbook Nostalgia

Yesterday morning, in an effort to procrastinate from working on my chem lab, I decided to go through last year's yearbook and read everybody's signatures. They made me laugh, made me smile, made me remember inside jokes and memories from last year. It was like stepping back into freshman year. Nostalgia worked like a charm like it does every time, making me feel warm and fuzzy inside remembering all the good times. But it also made me kinda sad. Reading the signatures, frozen in time last year reminded me that though we might not want to acknowledge it, life goes on. People move on, people change, friends come and go. We be friends with somebody whom we think we'll be friends with forever; maybe we will be, but it's just as likely that maybe within a year we won't even talk with that person. I was thinking about that as I flipped through the signatures. It was crazy to think about, these people who had written me a full page in my yearbook just a summer ago, now we barely talked. Likewise, some people who didn't even sign my yearbook were some of my best friends today. Crazy how that happens. I guess it's a sad fact of life though right?

Quotes

I really really like good quotes, but I can never remember them all and they can't all fit into my Facebook info, so I'm going to make a post to keep them all where I can look back and remember them. Feel free to contribute to the collection. (:

"Try not to be a person of success, but rather a person of virtue."

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one."

"To love anything, it has to make you sad too."

"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."

“Why do we fall? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up.”

"You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself one."

"All men dream but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes to make it possible."

"You are the handicap you must face.
You are the one who must choose your place."

"To win without risk is to triumph without glory."

"You are never a loser until you quit trying."

"Trust men and they will be true to you; treat them greatly, and they will show themselves great."

"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny."

"We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere."

"What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?"

"A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway."

"What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies."

“The way of the superior person is threefold; virtuous, they are free from anxieties; wise they are free from perplexities; and bold they are free from fear.”

"Life is short, break the rules, forgive sooner, kiss slowly, laugh without control and always keep smiling!
Maybe life is not the party that we were expecting, but in the mean time, we're here and we can still dance....."

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a
smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the
smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life
around."

"Some people walk in the rain... others just get wet..."

"Whom we love best, to them we can say the least..."

"Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine."

"Dost thou love life?
Then do not squander time,
for that is the stuff life is made of."

"The future depends on what we do in the present."

"After the game, the king and the pawn go into the same box."

"i should be inside doing my homework right now. in the short term, i'd be happier here, outside playing in the snow. in the long term, i'd be better off inside doing my homework so i can get a good education. but in the very long term, i know which will make the best memories."

"Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true."

"Every artist was first an amateur."

"Inspiration and genius--one and the same."

"Happiness is where we find it, but rarely where we seek it."

"There is only one way to happiness, and that is to cease worrying things which are beyond the power of our will."

"Men spend their lives in anticipations,—in determining to be vastly happy at some period when they have time. But the present time has one advantage over every other—it is our own. Past opportunities are gone, future have not come. We may lay in a stock of pleasures, as we would lay in a stock of wine; but if we defer the tasting of them too long, we shall find that both are soured by age."

"Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities."

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us."


"The question for each man to settle is not what he would do if he had means, time, influence and educational advantages; the question is what he will do with the things he has. The moment a young man ceases to dream or to bemoan his lack of opportunities and resolutely looks his conditions in the face, and resolves to change them, he lays the corner-stone of a solid and honorable success."

"The seat of knowledge is in the head, of wisdom,
in the heart."

"A wise man learns by the mistakes of others,
a fool by his own."

"It is easier to be wise for others than for ourselves."

"It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop."

"The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones."

"The block of granite which was an obstacle in the pathway of the weak, became a stepping-stone in the pathway of the strong."

"If you aren't going all the way, why go at all?"

"What you dislike in another take care to correct in yourself."

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

"You don't really know yourself or the strength of your relationships until both are tested by adversity."

"You can't hit a home run unless you step up to the plate. You can't catch a fish unless you put your line in the water. You can't reach your goals if you don't try."

"Goals are dreams with deadlines."

"And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow."

“Obstacles are things a person sees when he takes his eyes off his goal.”

“Age wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul.”

“The only... real failure in life is the failure to try.”

"Don't ask for an easier life; ask to be a stronger person."

"If you want your life to be a magnificent story, then begin by
realizing that you are the author and everyday you have the opportunity
to write a new page"

“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.”

“To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”

"Each indecision brings its own delays and days are lost lamenting over lost days... What you can do or think you can do, begin it. For boldness has magic, power, and genius in it."

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

“Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.”

"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.

"What would you do if you weren't afraid?"


"Straight ahead of him, nobody can go very far..."

"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important"

"To forget a friend is sad. Not every one has had a friend. And if I forget him, I may become like the grown-ups who are no longer interested in anything but figures"

"One only understands the things that one tames,' said the Fox. 'Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends anymore."

"People can be the wind beneath your wings or the anchor for your ship"


"When I was young and free my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country. But it too, seemed immovable. As I grew in my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, but alas, they would have none of it. And now as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realize: If I had only changed my self first, then by example I would have changed my family. From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country and, who knows, I may even have changed the world."

"Kindness is a language the dumb can speak and the deaf can hear and understand"

"The difference between a flower and weed is a judgement"

"Push as far as you can go; give it 100 percent. And once you've gotten there, push harder. Don't get comfortable."

"It takes alot to step out of your comfort zone. People will tear you down, tell you that you shouldn't even have done it in the first place. But angry crowds and screaming fans are basically the same. They're all just making a bunch of noise. It's all about how you take it. If you pretend that the angry crowd is a crowd of screaming fans, someday they will be."

"Men cry not for themselves, but for their comrades."


"Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon."

"You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover is yourself."

"Never frown because you never know who is falling in love with your
smile."

Masks

It's been a while since I wrote about not knowing who I was. It's been maybe 4 months now, and nothing's changed. If anything it's gotten more confusing. I feel like in life today it's hard to just be one 'yourself' all of the time and just roll with it. We're all in so many different groups and activities and cliques that it's so hard to just have one image. At least it is for me. I wear many masks. There's school Eric and choir Eric and waterpolo Eric and baseball Eric and at-home Eric and so many others, each slightly different from the other. It's unconsciously that I put up these facades, and with each new one I lose a little bit more of my grasp on who I am.

You could probably tell me who I am better than I can. Why is it that we all have to hide ourselves behind our respective personas? That's something that I've been frustrated by recently as well. I feel like no matter how much time to spend with someone, no matter how many inside jokes I share with them, no matter how many memories or deep talks or dramas I go through with them, I always feel like I don't REALLY know them. Like Really. Deeply. Truly. I'll know alot of things about them, what they like, what they eat, what music they listen to, etc. But I don't feel like I know them. Them, just plain and simple. What's hindering me, I don't know. Maybe this happens for other people too. I wouldn't know.

To me, things seem to come easy to other people most of the time. Save for periods of discontent and frustration, everybody seems to get along well all of the time. For me I'm usually pretty content with my life, but something always lingers in the back of my head, something I always feel I can improve on to make myself better. For that I'm partially glad. I like to see that I always have a hunger and a desire to improve myself but under those same circumstances sometimes I feel like I can't relax. I definitely think i have ADD or something. I can't focus, I can't sit still for more than 3 minutes if I'm not engaged in something and I get bored in a stationary position pretty easily if I'm not tired. I'm an active person who's lost a tendency to work hard. In other words I'm a walking contradiction, or disaster.

What's going on?

Yesterday I didn't really have a great day. It was strange actually, it was a pretty good day until after the game(which we lost to Harker 9-8 on account of poor reffing, but has nothing to do with why I was in a bad mood.)After I came home, I was feeling pretty down and frustrated about myself. The fact that I was tired, hungry, and badly sunburned definitely contributed to it, but basically all that did was make me feel really pessimistic, deviating from my optimistic norm. I started examining all the negatives in my life, instead of appreciating the positives. Basically I was annoyed and frustrated over nothing. But being in a bad mood yesterday did make me realize a change that's occurred in my life recently. I've become a quitter.

All my life, I've never been the most talented. Not in school, not in sports, not in music. But there's always been one thing that I've prided myself on. I've always worked the hardest, no matter how tough it got, I wasn't about to quit. I'd look at the talented kids who were better than me without even trying and say to myself, "It's ok, I work way harder than them. Someday I'll be better." But in the past weeks, the past months, maybe even since last year, I feel like I've lost that. It shows even in the simplest of tasks, like swimming 400 straight yards of freestyle before a water polo practice. Old me would have ate it up, no matter how much it hurt. Now all I can think about is how tired I am and how much I want to stop and take a break. I hate thinking like that, but it seems like it's inevitable, because to consciously try not to think that would involve thinking that in the first place.

Outside of the pool, it just seems like that I myself am not willing to put forth the full effort that I should in order to accomplish what I want to accomplish, attain what I want to attain, to reach my dreams. I'll set a goal only to do nothing to achieve it, thinking that life to work itself out and give me what I want. It feels like I'm holding myself back. It's made me nothing more than a dreamer. There's nothing wrong with being a dreamer, but a dreamer who doesn't work for his dreams is nothing more than a fool who wastes his time idling the days away. I just don't want to end up like that.

I didn't write this post looking for sympathy. I basically just wanted to remind myself that I've got to stop wasting my time. I have to tell myself that I have to grow up and realize that I've taken alot for granted and that in real life people have to work, and work hard to reach what they want. I guess in essence I'm glad that I had a bad day yesterday. My pessimism helped my realize this, and instead of continuing to waste my days just going through the motions, I can begin trying to change my paradigm and recapture my old work ethic. Time will tell.