A Jumble of Thoughts, A Break, and The End Of The Decade

Where do I start? It really has been a long time since I wrote. To be truthful, I'm writing not because I have anything specific to say, but because I felt a urge to write after such a long hiatus and because I'm waiting for my video of 'The Hangover' on the internet to load. This entry could be compared to a rapper's freestyle rap I suppose. I'm just gonna lay down whatever comes to mind and talk about it. I'm feelin like it's going to be a long one. After all, this is a very significant time of year.

Shoot, all I can think is where do I start..I guess I'll start with Christmas, which just passed. You know, something's funny. In the past Christmas was always so important to me. Right when December started, I'd start counting down the days to Christmas. Back in the day it used to be because I was so excited for presents. Later on it was just cus. This year Christmas just kind of slipped by for me. It surprised me when I woke up to a small army of small children clamoring for me to wake up so they could open their presents. Throughout the day it just really didn't strike me as Christmas. And when it was over it felt just like any other ordinary day. Funny thing is I just might have been excited for it too early. I was really pumped for Christmas around...November 20th. Yup, even before Thanksgiving. I guess I was excited for it too early because by the time it actually rolled around I was all excited-out. This year I wasn't excited about getting anything special, didn't actually expect to receive any presents. And it was a good feeling. It was nice to sit there relaxing while watching my little cousins open presents and see how happy they were. Good stuff.

Ok now it is actually the day of New Years Eve because last night I couldn't think of anything to write about. But I'm back, armed with a post-it note chock full of goodies so I'm ready. As of now it's about T-minus 2 hours until the new decade and I'm hoping to make it in before New Year's so here we go..

In the past year or more recently I've groped with concepts, standards and ideas that I'd always grown to accept as normal that more recently I've really been questioning. My grip on reality and my entire world is probably slippery, at best, which is the way I like it. Wait, let me rephrase that, because that makes it sound like I'm going insane. Haha, that's not how it is. What I'm trying to say is that while my values, morals and beliefs are concrete, how I see the world is always under question, subject to question and influence. So I am always changing, growing, and developing as a person and an individual.

Speaking of individuals, I've always had the strangest belief for the longest time. For some odd reason, I've always, subconsciously or not, placed myself just slightly higher in importance in comparison to everyone else out there. I suppose you could call it inner arrogance. It's this kind of thing where while I respect other people and view them as equals to myself, I also think that my goals, beliefs, abilities, whatever, name it, are more significant and important than that of theirs. Like I, as an individual, is more significant than anyone else in the world. And that I, more than anyone else, can make a difference. And that I, more than anyone else, can get it done. I don't really know if other people think like that as well, or if it's just me. But it's naive to think that I am more significant, or important, or talented, or intelligent than the billions of people out there. Not only because it is definitely not true, but it's the epitome of conceited. I don't know what the cause of this is, but that is 1 resolution for the new decade, learn to appreciate others and what they have to offer and value them just as much as myself.

The second thing that I've grappled with this year is the always volatile system of relationships. Friendships, intimate relationships, associations, whatever kind of relationship. This year's been a whole year of experimenting, seeing what works, what doesn't. I've gained new friendships and I've lost some. Strengthened some and fought losing battles against fading ones. Though one thing that I've been introduced to is something that I have always tried to avoid, and that's conflict. No matter what, I just have not been able to deal with conflict. And yet it is essential to a healthy, close relationship. It's alot like the forest. The forest starts out as a bunch of saplings growing together peacefully in harmony. But as time passes and more and more trees grow and they get larger and larger, the space becomes more and more crowded and all the trees are suffocated together, unable to grow, leaving them all in discomfort. But then a forest fire rages through the forest and burns all of the trees down. While it seems like a disaster, once the fire has passed, the seeds of rebirth are sown and the forest grows back, more healthy and vibrant than before the fire. The fire of the forest is the conflict of the relationship. It's also the fire I've always tried to avoid at all costs. It's unhealthy in that I would rather say something I didn't believe in order to avoid confrontation and smooth things over than speak my mind and face the consequences. While on the surface the friendship/relationship is undamaged, in reality it is hurt because truthful wholesome communication can't be made, thus limiting the intimacy. That is decade's resolution #2. Not to run from conflict.

Another thing that's strange, there are some days where I simply cannot feel positive about other people at all. Even those that I have utmost respect for. My mind is just clouded in pessimism and in my mind I have myself cutting everyone down, picking out their flaws and weaknesses and just dismantling their image for myself. It's probably a result of my own insecurities. Even as such, I find it an odd way for myself to instinctively cope. That's resolution #3 right there, Find a different way to deal with my own insecurities, because it is either impossible or highly unlikely that insecurities will go away, so I need a positive and better way to deal with them.

In our age and day, it's become either really cool or totally uncool, (depending who you are), to try really hard, care about something alot, and have a burning passion. Most people of today think that cruising through life and making it look effortless is that way to go these days. When someone comes along that's visibly making an effort, or is very vocal about what they care about, all that they get in response is humiliation, discouragement, and scoffs. Is it fair that those who try the hardest should be the most looked down upon? To care alot about everyone has always in the past been a goal of mine but it's like there's only so much care to go around. And if that's the case I've got to be selective about who I care about. It's hard though, caring about alot of people. That's alot of attention to divide up. In the past I've become friends with people just for the sake of being able to say I had alot of friends. I'd be totally caught up in stats, look at who I was friends with and how many friends I had. Not only that, but my extra curriculars and activities and decide that I was an extremely accomplished person in comparison to others. I didn't really get to know a bulk of my friends and as a result we'd drift apart, talk periodically and get a little closer, and rinse and repeat. It's always been hard for me to realize that I can't be good friends with everyone and I have to decide which ones I want to keep and which to just be friends with. But I know how I want to be known. Not as the most talented, the most popular, the most athletic, the smartest, but just as the one who cared the most. Gave it his all in sports. Tried and studied hard in class. Was there for his friends. And that's Resolution 4. Simply care.

Well that was everything I had on my post-it note and more actually. Since I've got some time left before the countdown (T-minus 29 minutes) I'm gonna put up my resolution, that ones that I've got right now anyways. My good friend told me how she had categories for them and I thought that was a great idea, so thanks!
Here are my categories: Myself as a person, Academics, Friends/People, Athletics, Health, Mental, and Habits.

Person: Have more confidence, but without being arrogant. Think about others and not just myself. Care more and instill more passion in my life. Learn patience.

Academics: Try hard in every class. Actually learn, understand what I'm learning and care about it too.

Friends/People: Pick my friends. Be more tolerant of people. Don't get annoyed with myself/others as easily. Be ready to deal with conflict.

Athletics: 5' 7, 160.

Health: Take better care of myself and my body. As I learned this year, I am not indestructible at all.

Mental: Keep a positive attitude. Think comfortable even when I'm not. Think big. Have energy. Learn logic and rationalization.

Habits: No mental downsizing of people.




Well, that's all I've got. Signing off for the last time this decade... EWang.
Happy holidays and best of all, happy new year and happy new decade!!
See y'all on the other side. Let's live it up

I Left My Heart in San Francisco

Just got back from a school choir trip to San Francisco. And now I'm lookin at 2 WHOLE WEEKS without school. Holy crap. Life is ridiculously great right now. My expectations for this trip weren't that high. I mean, having been blessed to go on so many amazing crystal choir trips, how could this measly day and a half trip possibly compare? Also, I didn't have that many close friends in school choir like I did in crystal, so there wasn't anything I was super excited for or looking forward to. I was definitely proven wrong.

We had a 1 hour bus ride to San Francisco, that was pretty fun, jammin and DJing all the way there. We got there and had dinner at this random place that was definitely too expensive but pretty good. We saw a bunch of freakin talented street performers. That's what I love about the city. Sure it's more dangerous but there are so many talented and interesting people that life in the city never gets boring. I met this random old asian grandma. She was pretty cool, even though I didn't understand half of the words she was saying. It was fun to just wave to or talk to and meet random people. I could definitely tell that they thought I was freakin weird but you know what, I didn't even care. After dinner we went to see the music Wicked. Holy. Crap. The only I can describe it is.....shoot, I can't. It was amazing. It was magical. It made me wanna cry and shout and yell and jump around and cheer all at the same time. It gave me tingles and shivers all up and down my body like no other. It was definitely beyond surreal. The most phenomenal performance I've ever seen in my life.

After the amazing show, we made a midnight In n' Out run and made it back just in time for room check. I don't even really remember what happened at night. We had a conversation about typical guy stuff and apparently I fell asleep mid sentence and started snoring. The next day was breakfast, pack, and off to hotels to carol. Our first performance was straight up awful. It was embarrassing. We were all pretty exhausted and felt like crashing. But after some lunch and a break, we picked it up and destroyed our next performance. During our next break we spent about an hour in this electronics shop with massaging devices of every possible type. Chairs, foot massagers, handhelds, and even this freakin helmet that was the most retarded looking thing ever. It didn't even work. All it did was squeeze your head. After that I definitely felt hecka relaxed. Time well spent. We went to the hotel for our final performance and then went outside to wait for our buses. Then we started a small jam session. At least it started out as a small one, 3 people. Then as we sang more and more songs and people grew more and more comfortable with just singin out, we had at least 25 people all jammin to the likes of 'Watchu Say' by Jason DeRulo and 'Down' by Jay Sean. It was a great feeling, just shouting familiar songs and not even caring what the strangers around us thought. Tons of fun. Before I knew it I was back home. Even though it was only a day and a half, the trip was definitely one of the more fun ones I've been on. It felt like at least 4 days. I'm stoked for mini tour, if my parents let me go. That'll be sick.

Can't see

I've always thought that everything beautiful to be seen, they were meant to be seen by the eye. After all, that's what they're made for, eyes. Made for seeing. I mean, there's so much beautiful stuff to see with the eyes. Beautiful views, beautiful buildings, beautiful sunrises and sunsets, beautiful landscapes, beautiful....girls =]. But if you think about it, isn't that so judgmental? In the world today we place so much emphasis on physical appearance. I do it all the time, not gonna lie. I pick which books I'm gonna read based on how cool I think the cover looks, I order food at places that I've never been before based on which picture looks the best. I used to even pick my classes based on which words looked the coolest. Wayy back in the day. This is, what we see with our eyes is just a fraction of what we really see.

I know it might sound weird. But think about it, how much do really know about something or someone just by looking at their physical appearance? Granted, we see tons and tons of things with our eyes, but what does it really all mean? Not much. What we truly see with is our hearts. Think about it. You look at someone, you see them with your eyes, but when you look at them, you have feelings about them as you do. Friendship, excitement, annoyance, hate, etc. That's not coming from your eyes. That's straight up from the heart man. Problem is, people do so much seeing with their eyes these days and not enough their hearts. They meet someone for the first time and see they look a little strange, right away they slap them with a label, whatever it may be. And once you've got an impression of someone like that stuck in your mind, it's hard to change it, even after you get to know them a little.

In my mind it's pretty safe to say that it's not what's on the outside that's important. It's extremely cliche`d, so maybe I can rephrase it in a way that will help more people understand, because obviously not enough don't. What is most important is invisible--that is, invisible to our eyes. It's like an iceberg. What you see of iceberg is merely a fraction of what the iceberg is. The bulk of the iceberg lays hidden under the surface, unseen by human eyes. Same thing applies for people. You only see a teeny bit of who they are, the part that's on the surface. There's so much more that lies beneath the surface, gotta make the effort to go discover it.

Another thing I've been thinking, I feel like I've been going about my friendships and basically all activities in general like they were business affairs..I don't know how to explain it but I feel super formal about everything and procedure-like. And not even on purpose! I had to kick myself and remind myself that friendships aren't about the stats. As in, I don't want to be friends with people just for the numbers of friends I'll have. I want to be friends with them because I want to be friends with them. If that makes sense. Yafeel? I've also learned, the amount of friends I have, how good my grades are, how good I am at this or that does not equate to happiness. That is not to say I haven't been extremely happy over the past half year. It's been a great semester =]. I feel so blessed to be in the situation that I'm in. But sometimes I feel like I make it a huge deal my friends and accomplishments, and it bugs me because I know that that isn't what's the most important thing to me, and yet I can't get it out of my head. Yeah.. that's all for now. Peace man =]

Maitinence

Dude. I really have to take better care of myself. A little over a month ago I started to get a little cough. But I felt great. And that was all that mattered. So I went on doing my thing. A little while on, it got a little worse. Did my thaang. Did some foolish thaangs. Like jumpin in a pool of ice cold water...40 degrees dude. Bad idea. Anyways, I gotta get in my head the notion that I'm not indestructible. I have to start taking better care of my body. Like Jamba juice says, my body is a temple. I got no idea what that means dude. Enlighten Me.

Matters of Concern..?

We all do things for a reason. Whatever may motivate us, drive us, make us do what we do. No matter what it is, there's always something. That's something I assumed was true for the longest time. Today I found myself questioning why I cared about, and went to school. And I didn't find myself coming up with an answer.

I suppose I could always say because I get to see my friends, but that's not even really a part of 'school' as in the essence of school. School, in it's academic purity, honestly holds no importance in my life. I mean I guess I do it so I don't let my parents down. But I don't see why I have to go through all this, math, world history, chemistry, english, etc. In my own future, I don't see myself working a job because I want to be spectacularly rich. I see that as kind of selfish, working so hard but only for myself and my family. I want to be out there roaming and doing something that helps someone else and makes a difference. The business man that spends tons and tons of hours sitting in his cubicle making money for his family never changed anyone's life. Not even his own. He's too busy counting numbers in his cubicle for that.

I really don't know why I'm going through school. I really honestly don't even know why I want to go to college. I guess it's just something that's expected of kids from our school and in our area. We take it for granted, that all of us are going to college. I mean there are definitely people out there who have to work their butts off and when they finally make it, college is like the greatest thing ever to them. And here I am, wasting an opportunity. It makes me feel so damn spoiled. But I can't find a reason why I'm in school. For now though, I know one thing. Even if I don't currently have a driving force, I need to start working harder in school. Then at least I won't feel like I'm wasting this gift. I'm tired of mediocrity resulting from apathy. Time to put forth the effort that school deserves from me.

Unwind

This past month has been such a whirlwind. It's been a great month. It's weird though, this feeling I've had this past month. I've had so much confidence, almost at the brink of arrogance. I don't know how to explain it. It's made me more fearless in a sense, less afraid of other people's judgment of me and my actions and more willing to step outside of my comfort zone and take risks. But at the same token, I feel like I've become less sensitive to the feelings of others, and in the process I've felt a tinge of jerk enter my personality, making jokes at others' expense without mercy. Some aren't even funny and they just end up putting them down. That's not something that I would normally do. My entire life I've worked towards building a character for myself based on integrity, passion, kindness, trust, and compassion.

It's been a while since I wrote. I just haven't had time or I've been lazy, but finally a length phone conversation with a close friend inspired me to write. He and I share so many of the same views on life, the same values, and the same interests and aspirations. We're already really good friends, but I truly believe we have potential to be far better than that. Despite our countless similarities, we also have differences to compliment each other. He has many admirable traits and there's so much I could learn from him. One thing he's already begun teaching me is the value of patience. Funny. You always hear about how 'patience is a virtue' and you would figure that almost everybody, if not everybody would be patient and understand the meaning and values of patience. Not so I guess. Well I mean I knew that some things you gotta wait for and stuff like that, yaknow? But I didn't truly understand. I don't even know how to explain. Lemme hit you up with an example.

So there's been a mini fiasco goin on fer me at school, not really going to go into details. But anyways, i was all hyped up and stuff fer somethin but I got shot down. Not actually. But basically. Anyways, it was a real reality check for me. I could not understand why I got shot down. But anyways in my moment of distress I hit my friend up and we had a long talk. It started at like..11 and ended around 230. Needless to say, we were both pretty hammered in chem the next morning. Anyways, he made me assess it from a million different perspectives, think about if it was really what I wanted to do anyways and how the future would be and how it would affect me. Pretty grown up for a pair of 15 year olds if you ask me. That's another thing I admire about people. I really respect them when they can act childish and carefree when they want but be very logical, mature, and deep when they want to be as well. Through our discussion, I discovered from myself that I didn't really think that it was the right thing to do. My own emotions were more of a product of peer pressure than what I felt was right. Obviously my lack of patience had failed to restrain me, and if not for my friend, things might have taken a turn for the worse.

But they didn't. I thought about it rationally and decided it was something I was neither comfortable nor ready for. And you know what? I feel like it was the right decision. I'm a huge believer in the notion that if something's meant to happen, it will happen. Maybe sooner. Maybe later. But no matter what, it will happen in the end. So s'all good. We talked about bucket lists too. I realized I really haven't given much thought to what I'd do if I had one month, per say, to live. I mean, that's perfectly normal of a teenager not to think of those things, but I think it'd be interesting. One month.. Wow. I'll think about it and get back to it later.

I think it's about I found a comfortable medium. I've been to both extremities of the spectrum. Facing insecurities and extreme confidence. I've been in a shell and also insensitive to the point where I've blocked out others' feelings entirely. I'm a hunt for that perfect median. In other news, my life overall is going well. Formal's coming up soon. I'm sick. I'm hoping I'm getting better. School's not bad. Except I got a 0 out of 600 points on a lab. I have NO idea how that happened.... Mm. Yeah. Finished Unwinding.

Those Retards

Today at choir our conductor Jenny Chiang was talking about one of the acapella groups, The RITARDS. Not Retards. They're a 6 MAN high school acapella group that originates in our very own crystal choir. I'm a big fan. Anyways, she was telling us about how she saw them perform yesterday at the fundraising dinner and they helped raise 1000 dollars towards the fund for Crystal Hall, which is great.

She broke her experience down for us, giving us her internal play by play. She honestly said that it wasn't that their singing was amazing, no, not at all. It was that they all had a huge stage presence and that they were energetic and knew what they were doing on stage. But what she said that struck me was that they demanded attention. They were there to deliver a message. And with such enthusiasm, emotion and power she said, she couldn't help but think, Wow! It wasn't as if they were without flaws. There were definitely areas where they could have improved. But simply put, they demanded attention. They were going to go out there and do whatever it took to blow the audience away. They were going to do there thing and not care what anybody thought about them. And they succeeded.

As a fellow performer, I really felt connected to what she said on a deep level, as in I have, in my life, witnessed performances by people and groups who have demanded attention, who've been so powerful on stage that you just can't help but think, wow. And it's so mind blowing. That's not only an aspiration for me to work towards in terms of my stage presence, but also a concept/idea that can be applied to every day life.

It's easy to go through the motions of life and pass unnoticed. But that's not really living. You've gotta demand attention, put yourself on the spot, make it so that people are forced to notice you. You start meeting new people, making new friends. Sure, you're gonna have haters. But that's inevitable. Haters will be haters. But that's what's really living. Life's not a pat of microwaved ice cream. It's not always going to go down smooth.

Christmas Spirit.

Ok. I know that it's outrageously early to be thinking about Christmas. It's not even freakin Thanksgiving yet. But I can't help it. I'm sick right now. Like I'm coughing and sneezing and stuff. But I feel great. I can't explain it. But I figured it out. Here's what I told my dad. 'Dad, I have Christmas fever. That's what's going on.'

I mean it's not hard to understand. Christmas is the best holiday of all. You've got family, friends, food, gifts, and fat men coming down the chimney and flying around with his flying deer. I remember I could never fall asleep the night before because I'd be so excited for the next morning. So when my parents would get annoyed and tell me to go to bed I would pretend to sleep. Yup. Just lie there awake and pretend to be a log. No matter how hard I tried I could not fall asleep. It was just too exciting like one of those times where you don't think you'll ever be able to fall asleep yafeel? Woops. Got sidetracked. But seriously, does it get better? I'm thinking it's pretty hard-pressed to beat. But that's not why I love Christmas so much.

What Christmas used to mean to me was that I'd get gifts. I know, pretty shallow right? But you know, being a lil'un and all, there wasn't much else I thought about when Christmas time came 'round. Now I find that as I'm getting older, (Can you even consider 15 old?) I have less need for material things. I don't know what's changed. It's just that when Christmas and birthdays come around, I don't know of anything that I need. What Christmas means to me has definitely changed.

Christmas isn't what you get. It's what you give. Gone are the days where I'd race to the tree in the morning to count up my gaudy present totals. Receiving presents is great, it feels good to get something from someone that you've really wanted for a long time. But it's an even better feeling when you're the one that's sent the gift. Just the look on their face is priceless youknow? I feel like that guy in the Kay commercial. Or maybe it was Visa. I don't really know. Anyways, I've learned that to get is good, but to give always makes you feel a million times better. In a world where everyone's life is centered around getting, getting, getting, it's amazing how wonderful giving can feel. Getting never changed anyone's life but your own, but giving, even in the smallest quantities can make such a huge impact on someone else's. Christmas this year got me thinkin bout that. So yeah dude. Pretty much all I had to say. Enjoy your holiday. Some free time to spend with the fam, the friends, and really appreciate how lucky we all are. Because if you're sitting there reading this right now, you've got and computer. And you've got the time to read this. Which is more than a ton of people can say. Merry Christmas ya'll.

Parents.

I always readily admit that I live a safe, good life, and that I am lucky to be living in the situation that I am. But there's one aspect of my life that I feel like I totally neglected for the bulk of my life, and I'm afraid that now it's too late to rescue it. And that's the relationships with my family. Mostly my parents.

My parents are such important people in my life. I love them so much and they give me so many opportunities and make sure I don't stray off on the wrong path. And yet in return I've ignored them, brushed them off, placed them in a mental back seat to everyone in my life. For my whole life I have, unconsciously or not, placed my friends, coaches, team mates, etc. ahead of my parents. It just seems so messed up. The two people who are supposed to be two of the most important in my entire life. I talked about it to another friend who said he felt the same way, and he said that it was partially because he felt like his friends understood him more than his parents. I kinda feel that, but at the same time it's not fair to my parents to say that, since I haven't made any effort in my relationships with them so it would be unreasonable to expect them to understand me at all.

I wish I could tell them though. But it's scary for me to let people in. It's so frightening to let someone in, to have them so close to you because you know that they can hurt you so easily. It's crazy though, for me to have been ignorant, rebellious and ignorant for so long, spurning the greatest gift of life: parents. There are kids out there who aren't even lucky enough to have parents and here I am wasting the fact that I do have them. I hope that I can grow close to my family. I do hope and hope and hope. But it chills me to the bone. I am so scared that it's too late. I do hope.

Stargazing

After homecoming last Saturday, a close friend and I went out for some late night snacks and then we parked down the street from my house. We were talking about girls and life in general and the time and so we spontaneously decided to stargaze. On top of his car. I know. We're romantic [: Anyways, it was great. We laid down on the back of his car and watched the stars, beautiful that night. We kept on the look out for shooting stars as we talked about our lives. It was magical. That's exactly the word I would use to describe it. Looking at the night sky, it made me think about how small and insignificant I really was. And it made me think of the song fireflies. I like to make myself believe.. that planet Earth turns.. slowly. It also got me thinking. Dude, are people all over the world really seeing the same night sky as me? Incredible. All in all, it was a great experience. Right up there in the top 10 experiences of my short life.

Think.Think.Think.

Been thinking alot lately. Big grab bag of thoughts really. I've been meaning to write for a while but I keep forgetting. It'll come to me as I write. I think. I hope.

Through our lives, we meet tons of people, make tons of friends. Specifically I'm talking about high school. I can't really think about the world extending beyond high school considering my situation, so let's focus on that for now. Throughout our high school careers we'll definitely make a ton of friends and meet a bunch of people. That bears the question: Is it possible to be tight with everybody? I have to think, try as you might, it's impossible. I know this and still I try. Slightly foolish. I try to be friends with everyone. Sounds vain huh. Don't know really, I guess it feels good to have a bunch of friends, but at the end of the day it's kind of empty knowing that none of them are super close. It's reality that we have to pick and choose the closest ones.

If you really think about it, it's down to who you think you'll still be friends with after high school's over. Four years down the road and you won't even know many of these people. So why make the effort for them? I don't really know. It's hard though, you feel like you're neglecting some people. And when you value all of your friends the same, what is there to do? Why must we be forced to pick and choose? I guess this is something I have yet to learn.

Another thing on all the people that we'll meet. They all come and go, some stay for a little while longer. Some leave their imprints on our souls, leaving us forever changed. It's crazy how you can feel all 'mature' and developed and how you can think that you're wise and that there's nothing left that you can learn. Truthfully, I'm sure that I've felt like that numerous times not just in my life, but even this year. And I'm shocked every time to discover that a couple weeks down the road, I'm here, writing about how I was foolish and immature a couple weeks ago and how I've learned from my experiences. Well this is another one of those times.

I've been so hypocritical, preaching not caring about what others think about you while at the same time soaking in my insecurities. I've been stubborn enough to fool myself into thinking that I've been acting on what I'd been saying, fully expressing myself without caring what other people though. But as time has shown, the joke's on me. But now I feel a change in perspective. I don't know what caused it, or when specifically it started, but now I have a mindset that runs along the lines of: I've got one life to live. I want to be someone who's remembered. I want to be someone who makes an impact. I want to be the one who leaves the footprints on souls. I want to be the one who makes a change in a life, small or big. Not the one who's there just for small talk and then gone. I'm going to express myself regardless of what other people think because at the end of the day, an opinion is an opinion. I'm going to stand up for what I believe in even if I'm the only one because if not me, then who else? I'm going to live life to the fullest and let haters be haters because I'm not going to let them shrink my existence. I'm going to be me, and people can take it or leave it.

I don't even think I've fully lived up to that statement yet. But I finally feel like I've started to. And it's definitely liberating, and rewarding. Sure you hit bumps and roadblocks on the way, but what's life without some hardships. They only make you stronger. I hit a minor roadblock today. I got frustrated with myself because it seemed like I was reverting back to my old self, not taking any chances, being kinda subdued by myself. But I'll take it as a sort of learning experience, it shows that I'm only human and that there's always room for improvement, for which I am glad.

YES. music!!

So my iPod melted 8 months ago. melted. I connected it to the computer and it heated up. That was the end of that. It was toast. I didn't really want to tell my parents because they do tons of stuff for me already so I figured that I'd go without music for a couple months. No. Big Deal. Right? Ahhh crap man. So wrong. 8 whole months without music. What a total nightmare.

Suffering's over though. I got music back yesterday. I can't believe how deprived I've been. Music is such a huge part of my life though, I have no idea how I survived through the music-less time. It's OK though, it's over now. So how I got my music back is my friend lent me her ipod shuffle. I'm loving having the music back. Plus, the shuffle lets me rediscover all of my old music. They should call this thing the ipod nostalgia. What sucks is if i want to listen to the same song again I have to press next 289 times. Lame.

One of my favorite songs right now is Very Busy People - The Limousines.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DuXOao6jBoM
Truthfully, the lyrics are controversial, but what I love so much about the song is that it's so REAL. It cheers me up on any day. It's just something you can relate to somewhat. My favorite lines from the song are -

'and when we're done
sleeping we'll stay busy
dreaming of the things
we don't have yet

We Are Very Busy People

but we've always got time for new friends'

The people in the song just seem so laid back and carefree despite the song title, very busy people. It's so real because it's like hey, we're really busy people, but we'll make time for ourselves, we'll make time for you too.It relaxes me. DUDE. speaking of very busy people, today after school Will Tang, Victor Wong, Taylor Chin and I head to Foothill for some pickup basketball. Halfway through we ended up de-shirting ourselves because it was so hot. About a third of the way through the game, Will found a dodgeball and threw it at Victor. That caused a dodgeball hunt which ended with us pelting each other with dodgeballs. Shirtless. It was a great day. But totally inappropriate, considering that there were elementary schoolers around. And I saw my math teacher. Super awkward.

Another song that I'm completely obsessed with right now is Smile - Uncle Kracker.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lB1UJsutvkc
Best line: You're cooler than the flip side of my pillow.
Actually the whole chorus is pretty great.

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile

[:
That song makes me so happy. It doesn't hurt that the dude's name is Kracker. I love white men who call themselves white but food at the same time.

Last great song for righ now. We intertwine - The Hush Sound.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2o5O5QCj800
This. Is. So. CUTE! It's so childlike and cute. It makes me wanna squeeze the cheeks of whoever's around when I listen to it. And if no one's around, it makes me wanna squeeze my own.

That's all. So glad the music's back. [:

Oh no! It's Over..

Today's victory against Fremont marked the end of our 2009-2010 Saratoga High School waterpolo season. I'd honestly been looking forward to it since almost the beginning of the season. But I found that when it finally came, it was bittersweet. At the very beginning of the season I found myself frustrated, bored, and tired of waterpolo. I even went as far as to question why I even did the sport. It just seemed like a waste of time to me.

How much has changed since then. Now I find myself loving the sport again, our whole team are bros, and I'm honestly sad to find that it's all over. I'm going to miss the seniors when they graduate, not gonna lie.

Now that I'm done sentimental-izing, I've got a shoutout for my sport. For all of you out there who think waterpolo is an easy wo-man sports, think again. I doubt that any of you can make it through our warmup, an easy 400 yard swim with some eggbeater (treading) and passing. That's the easy part. I'm sure any of our team could do another sport's warmup. Take football. We can run a lap, do some stretching, maybe some jumping jacks. No big deal. Let's see.. Golf. Uh. Do golfers warm up? Then there's.. track. Track's pretty tough actually. One of those underrated sports where you actually need to be conditioned. You can't get by in track on athletic ability and fitness. Anyways, besides the warmup, there are the actual waterpolo games. You're trying to shoot a big yellow ball into a medium sized cage with a big bear man inside it while other bear men maul you and drown you while you're trying to score. Daunting.

Been a while

November, post numero uno!

It's been way too long since I blogged. It's been a combination of homework, writer's block, and just plain being lazy that's kept me from writing. Anyways, life's been good the past month of so. Polo season's ending, that's sad. School's not bad. Choir(s)' are amazing. It's good all around.

Today we had our quad day for homecoming. We'd spent a lot of time practicing and the choreographers worked hard. Despite our work, we were undone by technical issues. No mics meant our live performance, commentary and transitions, and hilarious jokes all went to waste. Imagine that. All that work just to see it ruined by a small technical mistake. Not gonna lie, it was kinda annoying. It left most of our class humiliated and embarrassed by our quad day. Everyone seemed like they wanted to forget about it.

But why feel down about it? It's true, we could have done way better. But given the circumstances, what else could we have done? We did the best we could despite our technical difficulties. And you know what else? We had fun in the process. Honestly, a lot of our 'practicing' time was spent eating food and just hanging. Don't even try to say that wasn't fun. And also I don't even think most of us had to do that much work besides show up and do what we were told. Most of the work was done by the choreographers, but mostly, Anika. She let us use her house week after week and worked the whole time, sacrificing her homework time to make sure we had an awesome homecoming this year. She did all of that while being able to maintain her cheerful disposition and endless optimism. That's a feat more impossible than managing an A+ in an un-curved Kucer test. And you know that? She did all of that without once looking for recognition, or appreciation, or gratitude. She did it because she cared. People like her inspire me and set an example for all of us.

Anyways, looking forward to the junior's and senior's. And to NEXT YEAR'S HOMECOMING. No way next year's not going to be great.

Showers

Man I love the shower. Whenever I'm stumped or frustrated I get in the shower and feel better. I don't even have to turn the water on. Besides that, I like the shower obviously because it cleans me with hot water that is amazing, but also because it has AMAZING acoustics. Has anyone noticed that? I'm a decent singer, but when I get in the shower and start singing I turn into MJ, Chris Brown, Ne-Yo, whatever celebrity. It's crazy man.

But yeah, the shower's great. A 3 foot by 6 foot little steamy box with hot water in it, it's like the perfect world. I get all of my best thoughts and ideas in there. You know how all those amazing artists and mad geniuses take drugs and drink to be brilliant? Well it's like that. Only not. Yafeel?

Here's one idea I got while taking a shower. So this was last year around winter formal. And I was thinking of asking ideas. I came up with this. So you take a note that says 'This is how much you'll hurt me if you don't go to formal with me.' AND, you tape it to a freakin ROCK. Then, you go up to the girl, and CHUCK the rock with the note at her. WOW. She'd totally think it was super cute. Either that or destroy you. But hey, it's better than my dad's idea. He told me to write 'formal' on long fuzzy socks and make it really cool looking, and then during a conversation be like hey i'm wearing really COOL SOCKS TODAY and pull my pants up. Yeah? No.

Livin the Life

Dude I was just thinking, I got this annoying canker sore in my mouth and it's basically a huge problem in my life because it's freakin canker-ous and does things that canker sores do so it's annoying me. Maybe this canker sore's a huge deal to me, but it got me thinking

I live a good life. My problems are small, petty, and insignificant. As cliche`d as it is, there are starving children in African spending every day of their hard to live lives clawing for existence, fighting for their right to life.

And you, if you're reading this right now you probably live a good life too. You have a computer on which to read this blog. You have the time to spend reading my petty bloggings. Your life's probably one you enjoy. If it isn't, it should be. On those days that you're feeling down, just remember that out there, someone has it far worse off than you. Take a moment to be thankful of all that you have, and look on the bright side. Always lookin' up for that hot air balloon.

Due Respect

It has been so long since I last wrote. Not even because I didn't feel like writing. For a good chunk of time I haven't had anything to write about. Now I feel like I got something though.

Everything and everyone deserves respect. Some gather more public respect than others. But everything deserves respect. Take cheer for example. Tons of people take it as a wimpy excuse for a sport, but as I've learned during homecoming rehearsals, it takes balance, courage, and dexterity. Take synchronized swimming. I personally see it as extremely difficult, but other people might not. I find it unbelievable that synchronized swimmers can perfectly time their movements with their teammates, forming complex patterns. Take the people who fold clothes at departments stores, like Macy's. I have no idea how they can stand folding so many clothes in the same pattern over and over again. I would explode. And I don't know how they fold each and every one so perfectly. I tried to fold just one of my clothes like that, and it didn't work. So I'm going to take a moment and pay all due respect. To Everything.

Anyways, life has been good for the past 2 weeks or so. This season of Saratoga waterpolo is coming to an end which disappoints me. That's rather ironic. I distinctly remember in the beginning of the season i disliked waterpolo this year and wondered why I played the sport. Those thoughts are far behind me. I'm very much looking forward to the next year, but also the break. School is going well. I love sophomore year. It's not that much work, but I'm not a freshman. Good stuff. Choir is great as always. Since when has choir not been great?

I've also been thinking about my friends that are already in college. In a couple years they'll be considered adults, and later on, they'll go out in the world to start their own lives, start their own families, find jobs, go places. It seems surreal to me but that's exactly what will be happening in a couple of years. It's insane. For myself, in just two years I will be out of high school and off to college. I can't believe how time has passed. I'm both apprehensive and excited about my future and what it holds in store for me. Whatever may come, I remain optimistic about my present and my fortune. The future is bright.

Sharpen the Pencil

This is probably a story that most people have heard before. A traveler comes across a lumberjack who's chopping down a tree with a blunt saw. The lumberjack is clearly working pretty hard,while making little progress. The traveler makes a suggestion to him, telling him to take a break and sharpen the saw, maybe he would get more work done after. The lumberjack replies, no, can't he see that he's too busy cutting the tree to take a break and sharpen the saw?

Moral of the story: Don't get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that you think you don't have time to take a break, unwind, reflect. I actually thought of that story that I read when a friend wanted to borrow a pencil of mine this morning. I realized that I didn't have another pencil because all of mine were broken. My reasoning for not sharpening them was that I was too busy using them to sharpen them, reminding me of that story. How silly of me.

Sometimes we feel overwhelmed in life. Like we're drowning and there's nobody to save us. The stress overpowers our minds and makes us unable to think clearly. We forget that it's us that are in control of our lives. Soley us, and nobody else. Take a deep breath, sit back, enjoy the good facets of your life and then manhandle (womanhandle?) anything that comes your way. Just remember to sharpen that pencil.

Rinse. Cycle. Repeat.

My life's a washing machine. Not in a good way. Just recently I went through a situation where in a hurry to do something that I feel is great and helpful and sentimental, I fail to think things through thoroughly. It's not an isolated incident. In my rush to be great, to do great, I make brash decisions and actions that end up getting the best of me. I'm sick and tired of it. It's the same thing every time.

Rinse, Cycle, Repeat.

I always thought it was human nature to make mistakes. But I always thought it was human nature to learn from them and grow. So I guess my growth's stunted. What they say about weight lifting is true. Seriously though, it's like an impediment. I always tell myself over and over again that I won't make the same mistakes. Yet they happen again and again.

Rinse, Cycle, Repeat.

I'm not letting this happen to me anymore.

good will hunting or good will edman?

Hi.
I'm Will. What am I doing on Eric's blog? Your guess is as good as mine. Eric told me that I should try blogging, so here I am. And I thought I would give a little bit of a different perspective on life.

I know that a lot of people spend their lives wishing they were smarter, and I'm sure that they've wondered how much more awesome life would be if they were a genius. But I've spent most of my life thinking about the opposite.

When I was a little half-asian kid in Colorado, I was pretty dang smart? Now? Not so much. And I'm actually not being modest, considering that in 4th grade, I had an A+ in algebra.Compared to that, now I'm an underachieving dunce.

Anyway, back then, my parents had some pretty big expectations for me. Nobel Prize? President? Why else would they make me spend half of my days in 4th and 5th grade at the middle school? I don't think they made me go on that bus ride home with the 8th graders every day for nothing.

I don't think I felt stress back then, but I probably felt the closest thing. I was tired of being a genius. All I wanted to be normal. And I guess my wish is granted. A combination of lack of initiative, moving to California, and hardcore music probably dumbed me down.

Today, I'm a bigger half-asian kid in California who suffers through his Calculus class and is constantly stressed because he has to go to an Ivy League school to meet his parents' expectations. Sometimes I wish I had the brains that I used to, but I've figured by now that everything happens for a reason, and I know the pressure I'm under is going to help me someday, and I'll go to college and get a job and change someone's life. That's my goal (along with climbing Mt. Everest and becoming uber-good at skiing).

So what's the moral? I dont know; try hard, don't slack off, accept changes and use them for the better. However I do know that my goal in life has changed for the better. I would much rather change someone else's life than win the Nobel Prize.

And that's a good change.

It takes a Tragedy

Wow. You know all of those terrible diseases and accidents that you hear about on the news or just around? They make you shudder for an instant, but it's ok, because it would never happen to you right? Wrong. Recently I found out that the mother of a classmate of mine had Stage 4 lung cancer. I don't really know her at all, but from what I've heard, she's a selfless, kind, energetic woman The scope of the tragedy is just so enormous that I didn't really comprehend the impact of the situation. People around me would talk about it, and cry about it, and through it all I'd just talk about it like it was any other conversation topic. In retrospect, I'm disgusted by my behavior. How could I be so heartless? Maybe I just didn't want to admit that it could really be happening. I don't really have an excuse for myself.

Just now it smacked me hard in the face, the most brutal reality check I have ever received. It just really hits home for me. Like I mentioned earlier, I'd hear about things like that on the news, but I'd figure it would never happen to me, or anyone I loved, or anyone I knew. Because we were all invincible. Right??

Now I see that that facade has been shattered. Completely. Not a shred of protection shielding me from the cold face of reality. It CAN happen to those around me. They, and myself, are just as mortal as everyone else in the world. And it makes me afraid. At the same time it empowers me with a certain boldness. With the knowledge that we only have so much time to live and we should live it to the fullest dissolves some of my fears. It makes me want to hold those that I hold dear, hold them tight. Tell them how much I love them, tell them how much I care. Tell them how much I appreciate them, how much the brighten up my life. Tell them how much I'd cry, if they were ever to be gone. Because really, what makes them different from my classmate's mom?

Life isn't to be taken for granted, as we often do. We waste time, prance around, thinking we have all the time in the world. We do, and we don't. It's true, we're supposed to have a long time to live. Slow it down, enjoy it. But at same time, it can be taken away in an instant. As someone once said, "Someday your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's a life worth watching." Live life to the fullest. As another friend once said, "Life is short, break the rules, forgive sooner, kiss slowly, laugh without control and always keep smiling! Maybe life is not the party that we were expecting, but in the mean time, we're here and we can still dance....."

Think about the little things in life too. Maybe you don't think a teeny act of kindness to brighten someone's day or a simple compliment or attempt to reach out to that one boy or girl who doesn't talk too much isn't a huge deal, but maybe it is to them. Maybe you come just in the nick of time to turn land a huge smile on their face and turn their day around. Or maybe you give that one shy guy or girl enough confidence to burst out of their shall. You never know. Never squander an opportunity for kindness. It's the small things that make all the difference.


"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a
smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the
smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life
around."



That's almost everything I have to say. I feel emotionally exhausted.


God bless her and her family. May we hope she and the family can make it through. God bless them all so so so so much.


Love all you guys. Much Much Much Much Much Love.




As I now know, It takes a Tragedy.

If

The Man Who Thinks He Can

If you think you're beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you'd like to win, but think you can't,
It's almost a cinch you won't.
If you think you'll lose, you've lost;
For out in the world we find
Success being with a fellow's will;
It's all in the state of mind.


If you think you're outclassed, you are;
You've got to think high to rise.
You've got to be sure of yourself
Before you can ever win a prize.
Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster man;
But soon or late, the one who wins

Is the man who thinks he can.

-Anonymous


I spotted this poem on the wall of my friend's house and I thought it was really great. It's basically talking about the importance of mentality and having confidence in yourself. It's so true too. All the greatest in their respective fields always talk about how it's 80% mental and 20% this and that. People can't go into something thinking they're going to fail and expect to succeed. It doesn't work like that. To create success is to think success.






If


If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;



If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;



If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";



If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!


-Rudyard Kipling


I really really really like this poem. To me it speaks measures about humility and moderation, while appreciating the pure values in life. Did I mention I really like this poem? I envy Kipling's ability to say so much with so little. He speaks so wisely, while not speaking wisely at all. Argh, how I wish I had his ability. I really really like this poem.

Everybody Knows

I decided this post is gonna be a combo attack. Part thoughts, Part MUSIC SHARING. Because music makes the world go round. Seriously. There's this space guy who plays his juicebox, and that makes the world turn. When he doesn't play his juicebox, the world stops. So music makes the world go round.

Since when has it become uncool to show that you care and show evidence of your hard work? Those who work hard in school and get good grades, they're doing what's right, but we band against them, call them nerds and geeks and make outcasts out of them. It's the same story for anyone with passion. For those with the courage to do what we're too afraid to do. We knock them down, make fun of them, destroy their confidence. I can't say I'm free of this guilt. We're all guilty. We all know that they're doing the right thing, what we wish we could be doing, but it's so much easier to blend in the crowd and be like everybody else. Everybody Knows..

We hide our emotions. Why has it become so hard for us to admit feelings for another? Why hide our feelings, in general? Has it become the norm to be like a statue, cold and unexpressive? What do we live for, if not to make life a little easier for each other? People are only inclined to show kindness when others do it first. Why is kindness something that you need to be peer pressured into? Maybe people don't realize how far just a simple act of kindness can go, the difference between a good and a bad day. Maybe not. Everybody Knows..

Everybody Knows - John Legend
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQC8b3bvixs
This has nothing to do with the above, it's just an amazing song. As one a close friend once told me, John Legend is a God.


"Each indecision brings its own delays and days are lost lamenting over lost days... What you can do or think you can do, begin it. For boldness has magic, power, and genius in it."




***** EDIT *****
in the first paragraph, i meant boombox. not juicebox.

Because

I've been pretty content with life for the past month, and of course no good things last forever, so I figured I'd share some thoughts.

I am thankful for the huge pile of dirty laundry on my floor, because it means I have clothes to wear

I am thankful for the sound of my mom nagging me from the other room, because it means I have the ability to hear, and parents who love and care.

I am thankful for the annoying blurriness of my contacts because it means I can see.

I am thankful for the fact that I am wasting time right now instead of doing homework because it means that I have time to waste.

I am thankful that I have massive amounts of homework to do because it means that I am blessed with education.

I am thankful I am worried about tomorrow's math test because it means I have emotions, and that I am therefore only human.

I am so thankful for music and writing because both are such HUGE parts of my life and I can't imagine life without them.

Lastly, I am extremely thankful for my friends and family, who are so caring and supportive, and have been the main reason I am so content with life. (:

I am a really really lucky person.


Maybe last year I wouldn't have had any of those thoughts. I could only see one end of the spectrum, and as a result, would gripe and moan about all of my life's difficulties. The difference between now and last year shows my growth mentally, and how my perspective has changed. I am happy to see that since I am constantly looking for ways to improve myself and become a better person.

Life is good.

Let's give this a try

I've never honestly tried to write a poem before, but here we go. I've decided that my very first poem will be about adversity. Adversity's a cool word.

Adversity

This poem's about adversity
That's what it's all about
Man, writing poems is real hard
Let's get started now

Life's sometimes got you floating on clouds
Sometimes it's got you stuck in valleys
It's not always a non-stop party
We just gotta deal, after all, what can we do?

There's one problem though
One poison in our world
It's name is adversity
It's a perpetual lose-lose

There's always going to be people
not wishing the best of you
They'll always be knocking you down
Clawing you from your lofty perch

What I don't understand is
Why bring each other down
When we have so much
To bring us down already

Why add weight
to someone else's hot air baloon
when you should be
trying to lighten your own load?

One of life's mysteries
As to why people act this way
But it's not that important
Because what matters at the end of the day

Is you know who you are
You know what you're capable of
Stay true to yourself
Then in the end

Adversity will never be
Your foe.
Adversity will be
Your friend.

Strengthens you
Feeds you
Motivates you
Fuels you

Because in a world where everyone's looking down
You'll be the only one looking up



Well, that was it. I feel kind of cliche`d. But it was fun to write a poem. Writing a poem has a flow to it for me that I don't get from just writing paragraphs. It feels like music almost. But from typing. You know what I mean.

Cruise Control

I caught up with a good friend yesterday through a long late night phone call. We talked about alot of good stuff, school, girls, life. It was a great feeling to catch up with him. He's one of those guys where even though we don't see each other and talk that much most of the time, I still value his friendship and I feel like when we see each other and talk, we can just pick up right where we left off without our friendship deteriorating at all. I wish all people could be like that. Most friends, if you stop talking to them for a couple of weeks, maybe even just one, next time you talk to them, it's like you don't even know them anymore. I really don't understand that.

Anyways, in the middle of our conversation, we got to talking people who were shy and people who were outgoing and from there it went to stepping outside your comfort zone and letting go once in a while. He said 'Dude sometimes you just gotta let it go and be yourself you know? Act hella crazy.' His words basically summarized what I hadn't, and haven't been able to do in at least a year. I never feel like I can just completely let myself go and go crazy. In fact, I feel like in my quest to become respectable and mature, I've kind of lost my inner child. He's in there, but trying to fight his way out. Another close friend has told me 'the quest to maintain a perfect image is fruitless, because sooner or later all your hard work will be ruined.' And it's so true, but even though I am completely aware of and acknowledge the truth of this statement, I still can't bring myself to 'go crazy.'

There will always be people out there who will want to bring you down. It's your choice whether or not you let them. They can spread rumors, tell lies, insult you to your face. It's all just petty. They can ruin your image, but as long as you know who you are it all doesn't mean a thing. How hypocritical it is of me to say that but not be willing to take the risks to test the waters.

I guess I'm afraid to lose control. When you take risks, there's things you can control and things you can't control. You can control your own actions and how you react and respond, but you can't control the people that will judge you. You can't control what people will say. And that makes me afraid. Even the best calculated risks can go wrong. But then again, what kind of life is a life lived in fear? I feel like I'm at the point where I'm going to get repetitive soon, but I'm trying to drill it into my own skull. No one likes to lose control though. It makes you feel helpless, and it's scary. It's like free falling. You're basically completely putting your trust in your friends to catch you. But ultimately I feel like it would exponentially strengthen your bonds with the ones who are there for you, the ones that are still there at the end of the day, those are the ones that count.

I have no idea how I got so sidetracked. Anyways, sometimes I feel old, almost like 30 years old or something. If I try to act especially childish on purpose, I usually end up feeling foolish and regretting it, feeling like I wasted a whole bunch of time. That's only sometimes, but generally I feel like my inner kid is gone. I'm aiming to bottle up some youthfulness and rediscover my inner child. Maybe I'll go to Neverland or something. Never grow old.

Unexpected Lessons

This is a really bad habit. I've started playing this flash game in my free time, or to procrastinate. It's a game where it goes on forever and basically you just kill as many helicopters as you can. I know it sounds silly already :P. But as strange as it sounds, I've actually learned quite a bit from my experiences playing a computer game. I've noticed that when I play it safe and try to be conservative and stay alive, I get a consistent amount of kills, but it's usually a medium to low number. I tried playing aggressively and taking some risks, and it resulted in some absurdly high kill totals. Basically it's taught me a concept that's applicable to life. To succeed greatly, calculated risks are absolutely necessary. There's another thing that I've learned. Failure is O.K. When I started out I was getting killed after 2 kills. I didn't let that discourage me, and now I'm putting up gaudy kill totals every time. All of this is kind of strange, revolving around a flash game. You learn things from the most unexpected sources.

Pet Peeves

I've finished all of my homework and it's only 8:30, and I already took a nap today so I don't feel like sleeping quite yet. I'm trying to buck the trend of non-productivity and develop my work ethic, so I'm blogging, which seems like something productive as opposed to reading SI articles and watching Youtube videos. That's probably my biggest pet peeve. My own inability to self motivate myself. But I'm leaving that behind, I'm on my way. And so I thought, hm, I should make a list of pet peeves for fun. Here we go.

We got our English tests back today, and you know what that means. The typical clamor of 'What did you gets' and 'How did you do this's' and so on. One commonly practice tactic of showing off your score if you did well is as follows. The person that did well asks another person how they did, while honestly completely uninterested in what the other person got. After the poor victim that clearly knows the other person's intention replies, the person that did well goes, well I GOT so and so.. to rub it in their face. I've definitely done that before, call me a hypocrite, but it's become less of a habit. That's a big one for me, especially when I didn't do so hot.

I hate how my shower reads my mind and does the opposite of what I want. On hot days I have blistering hot water and on cold days it's lukewarm. It's not cold, but it's just slightly almost warm which kills me because it always seems like it's heating up. I even tried flushing the toilet before showering to make it hot, which DOESN'T work by the way.

Another one of my big ones is when people walk RIGHT in front of you. Honestly I don't know why people find that behavior necessary. It really really annoys me, I don't even know why. When people walk right in front of me I feel like plowing through them rudely on purpose. I know it sounds pretty rude and inconsiderate, but that's how much it annoys me.

It absolutely have to have 1408 in front of people's phone numbers, or rather a 1 in front of their area code. I also have to have their full first and last name, punctuated correctly. It's kind of an OCD thing.

Handwriting

I'm writing my pre-lab for chemistry right now, 'Emission Spectroscopy.' It happens to be written in English, but far as Mr. Kucer could be concerned tomorrow, it could be in Japanese. It's not like I don't care about the legibility of my handwriting, it's just straight up bad. This time I even told myself I'd write super neat. I chanted, cheered myself on. I was going strong as I hit the halfway mark, but it all fell apart there. By the end you couldn't even tell 'spectral fingerprints' from 'continuous spectrum.' I'd like to push off this problem as hereditary, but my mom's handwriting is amazing and my dad's just might be better. Heck, if Joan of Arc were alive, she could probably write words neater than I can, and she can't even write. So what's wrong with me? I try hard to fix it, different grips, different mentalities, asking for tips. Is it possible that I have DTHS? (Disastrously Terrible Handwriting Syndrome)The chances are likely.

The Fun Fairy

Our parents are great. They do so much for us and love us unconditionally, and really we could never do anything that would amount enough to repay them. We're grateful to them, and really should be far more grateful. We're really really lucky. But something's weird. Parents are amazing, no doubt about it, but why aren't they fun-loving people like us? Once in a while they'll have a spurt of childlike fun, but like a shooting star, it's there and gone. I honestly can't imagine myself becoming like that, all business, no fun. I don't want to become like that. It confuses me. What happens between now and then that turns them into non-fun people? During math class today I came up with a clever theory.

So what happens between teenage times and adult hood is that once you turn thirty, on the last day that you are twenty nine, a fun fairy appears out of your pillow. She looks like whatever you enjoy the most. She could look like a block of cheese, like a baseball, like a video game, whatever your heart most desires. Naturally, you'd want to go towards it. It's nature's greatest lure. Once she draws you in, she coils around you like a snake, and sucks all your fun out with a big hug. Then it's all over. She's turned you into an adult. Then she erases everyone's memory of you ever being fun. Trippy. I wonder how I figure this out. Maybe the fun fairy will get me early now.

Followers

Hey, if you're reading this, you should become follow this blog. Actually, you know what? Followers aren't important to me. That's not what's important to me, it's not why I write this blog. The two statements I just typed are both true. While I do like recognition and looking at the 'followers' count and seeing a high number, it's not all I write for. But still, I'm not going to lie, it's important to me. Is it human nature to relish in glory and recognition? Do people do things for the sheer sake of fame and wealth? If true, does that make me writing this blog any different? I feel like it's a mixed answer. I write this blog because it's one of my most potent stress relievers. I can pound out my feelings on the keys and at the same time, practice writing for the future. A win win combination. But I'm guilty of wanting recognition, of wanting the knowledge that people read and care about what I write. And I'm wondering if this is human nature, and if it's a bad thing? That's not to say that if I was informed that no one ever read my blog and ever would that I would stop writing completely. I have to admit I'd probably write a little less, but it's still my hobby and my outlet and that knowledge wouldn't stop me cold. The quest for attention drives our society. Business men work hard to get rich and get money to spend things on to get attention from others. Pro athletes train hard to become the best at their game to attract the most attention from the fans. Comedians, Actors, Talkshow hosts become the best in their field to get the most attention. In a world driven by attention, is it a sin? If it's the motivation behind our actions, then why do we commonly look down upon those who seek attention? Why do we put down the Terrel Owenses, the Paris Hiltons, the Manny Ramirez's of the world? We're guilty of the same crime, aren't we? I'm gonna let you digest that for a while, I'm proud of how much I've written today.

And if you're reading, do hit that follow button. Because you are indeed important to me. A comment wouldn't hurt either :P

A child's audacity

Being an accompanist for younger choir groups has taught me alot of things. Well actually it hasn't yet, it's only been 3 weeks. But being able to sit there an observe while the teacher conducts the class has led me to notice something. Children are so open, so brave, so communicative. I honestly feel if adults should take a day and learn from their small children. Small children have no need to lie. Heck, I don't even think they know how to lie. Small children have nothing to be afraid of. They aren't afraid of being judged by their peers. In the younger class, when the teacher asks for volunteers to sing by themselves in front of everyone else, they're all eager to get up in front of everyone. It's such a contrast from the older groups, where volunteering for things like that is a hesitant matter. Small children aren't afraid to say what's on their minds. If they have to go to the bathroom, they'll yell, I have to go to the bathroom!! That was kind of a poor example, but you get the point. I feel like when the older people (us) communicate with each other, most of the time it doesn't feel like it's pure and true. It always feels like there's something twisted, something hidden, as if we're afraid to always tell each other the truth. What changes from our childhood til now that leaves us to untrusting, so guarded, so afraid? I'll leave you with a quote. "To live afraid is not truly living."

Old Yearbook Nostalgia

Yesterday morning, in an effort to procrastinate from working on my chem lab, I decided to go through last year's yearbook and read everybody's signatures. They made me laugh, made me smile, made me remember inside jokes and memories from last year. It was like stepping back into freshman year. Nostalgia worked like a charm like it does every time, making me feel warm and fuzzy inside remembering all the good times. But it also made me kinda sad. Reading the signatures, frozen in time last year reminded me that though we might not want to acknowledge it, life goes on. People move on, people change, friends come and go. We be friends with somebody whom we think we'll be friends with forever; maybe we will be, but it's just as likely that maybe within a year we won't even talk with that person. I was thinking about that as I flipped through the signatures. It was crazy to think about, these people who had written me a full page in my yearbook just a summer ago, now we barely talked. Likewise, some people who didn't even sign my yearbook were some of my best friends today. Crazy how that happens. I guess it's a sad fact of life though right?

Quotes

I really really like good quotes, but I can never remember them all and they can't all fit into my Facebook info, so I'm going to make a post to keep them all where I can look back and remember them. Feel free to contribute to the collection. (:

"Try not to be a person of success, but rather a person of virtue."

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one."

"To love anything, it has to make you sad too."

"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."

“Why do we fall? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up.”

"You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself one."

"All men dream but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes to make it possible."

"You are the handicap you must face.
You are the one who must choose your place."

"To win without risk is to triumph without glory."

"You are never a loser until you quit trying."

"Trust men and they will be true to you; treat them greatly, and they will show themselves great."

"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny."

"We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere."

"What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?"

"A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway."

"What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies."

“The way of the superior person is threefold; virtuous, they are free from anxieties; wise they are free from perplexities; and bold they are free from fear.”

"Life is short, break the rules, forgive sooner, kiss slowly, laugh without control and always keep smiling!
Maybe life is not the party that we were expecting, but in the mean time, we're here and we can still dance....."

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a
smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the
smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life
around."

"Some people walk in the rain... others just get wet..."

"Whom we love best, to them we can say the least..."

"Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine."

"Dost thou love life?
Then do not squander time,
for that is the stuff life is made of."

"The future depends on what we do in the present."

"After the game, the king and the pawn go into the same box."

"i should be inside doing my homework right now. in the short term, i'd be happier here, outside playing in the snow. in the long term, i'd be better off inside doing my homework so i can get a good education. but in the very long term, i know which will make the best memories."

"Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true."

"Every artist was first an amateur."

"Inspiration and genius--one and the same."

"Happiness is where we find it, but rarely where we seek it."

"There is only one way to happiness, and that is to cease worrying things which are beyond the power of our will."

"Men spend their lives in anticipations,—in determining to be vastly happy at some period when they have time. But the present time has one advantage over every other—it is our own. Past opportunities are gone, future have not come. We may lay in a stock of pleasures, as we would lay in a stock of wine; but if we defer the tasting of them too long, we shall find that both are soured by age."

"Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities."

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us."


"The question for each man to settle is not what he would do if he had means, time, influence and educational advantages; the question is what he will do with the things he has. The moment a young man ceases to dream or to bemoan his lack of opportunities and resolutely looks his conditions in the face, and resolves to change them, he lays the corner-stone of a solid and honorable success."

"The seat of knowledge is in the head, of wisdom,
in the heart."

"A wise man learns by the mistakes of others,
a fool by his own."

"It is easier to be wise for others than for ourselves."

"It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop."

"The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones."

"The block of granite which was an obstacle in the pathway of the weak, became a stepping-stone in the pathway of the strong."

"If you aren't going all the way, why go at all?"

"What you dislike in another take care to correct in yourself."

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

"You don't really know yourself or the strength of your relationships until both are tested by adversity."

"You can't hit a home run unless you step up to the plate. You can't catch a fish unless you put your line in the water. You can't reach your goals if you don't try."

"Goals are dreams with deadlines."

"And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow."

“Obstacles are things a person sees when he takes his eyes off his goal.”

“Age wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul.”

“The only... real failure in life is the failure to try.”

"Don't ask for an easier life; ask to be a stronger person."

"If you want your life to be a magnificent story, then begin by
realizing that you are the author and everyday you have the opportunity
to write a new page"

“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.”

“To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”

"Each indecision brings its own delays and days are lost lamenting over lost days... What you can do or think you can do, begin it. For boldness has magic, power, and genius in it."

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

“Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.”

"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.

"What would you do if you weren't afraid?"


"Straight ahead of him, nobody can go very far..."

"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important"

"To forget a friend is sad. Not every one has had a friend. And if I forget him, I may become like the grown-ups who are no longer interested in anything but figures"

"One only understands the things that one tames,' said the Fox. 'Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends anymore."

"People can be the wind beneath your wings or the anchor for your ship"


"When I was young and free my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country. But it too, seemed immovable. As I grew in my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, but alas, they would have none of it. And now as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realize: If I had only changed my self first, then by example I would have changed my family. From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country and, who knows, I may even have changed the world."

"Kindness is a language the dumb can speak and the deaf can hear and understand"

"The difference between a flower and weed is a judgement"

"Push as far as you can go; give it 100 percent. And once you've gotten there, push harder. Don't get comfortable."

"It takes alot to step out of your comfort zone. People will tear you down, tell you that you shouldn't even have done it in the first place. But angry crowds and screaming fans are basically the same. They're all just making a bunch of noise. It's all about how you take it. If you pretend that the angry crowd is a crowd of screaming fans, someday they will be."

"Men cry not for themselves, but for their comrades."


"Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon."

"You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover is yourself."

"Never frown because you never know who is falling in love with your
smile."

Masks

It's been a while since I wrote about not knowing who I was. It's been maybe 4 months now, and nothing's changed. If anything it's gotten more confusing. I feel like in life today it's hard to just be one 'yourself' all of the time and just roll with it. We're all in so many different groups and activities and cliques that it's so hard to just have one image. At least it is for me. I wear many masks. There's school Eric and choir Eric and waterpolo Eric and baseball Eric and at-home Eric and so many others, each slightly different from the other. It's unconsciously that I put up these facades, and with each new one I lose a little bit more of my grasp on who I am.

You could probably tell me who I am better than I can. Why is it that we all have to hide ourselves behind our respective personas? That's something that I've been frustrated by recently as well. I feel like no matter how much time to spend with someone, no matter how many inside jokes I share with them, no matter how many memories or deep talks or dramas I go through with them, I always feel like I don't REALLY know them. Like Really. Deeply. Truly. I'll know alot of things about them, what they like, what they eat, what music they listen to, etc. But I don't feel like I know them. Them, just plain and simple. What's hindering me, I don't know. Maybe this happens for other people too. I wouldn't know.

To me, things seem to come easy to other people most of the time. Save for periods of discontent and frustration, everybody seems to get along well all of the time. For me I'm usually pretty content with my life, but something always lingers in the back of my head, something I always feel I can improve on to make myself better. For that I'm partially glad. I like to see that I always have a hunger and a desire to improve myself but under those same circumstances sometimes I feel like I can't relax. I definitely think i have ADD or something. I can't focus, I can't sit still for more than 3 minutes if I'm not engaged in something and I get bored in a stationary position pretty easily if I'm not tired. I'm an active person who's lost a tendency to work hard. In other words I'm a walking contradiction, or disaster.

What's going on?

Yesterday I didn't really have a great day. It was strange actually, it was a pretty good day until after the game(which we lost to Harker 9-8 on account of poor reffing, but has nothing to do with why I was in a bad mood.)After I came home, I was feeling pretty down and frustrated about myself. The fact that I was tired, hungry, and badly sunburned definitely contributed to it, but basically all that did was make me feel really pessimistic, deviating from my optimistic norm. I started examining all the negatives in my life, instead of appreciating the positives. Basically I was annoyed and frustrated over nothing. But being in a bad mood yesterday did make me realize a change that's occurred in my life recently. I've become a quitter.

All my life, I've never been the most talented. Not in school, not in sports, not in music. But there's always been one thing that I've prided myself on. I've always worked the hardest, no matter how tough it got, I wasn't about to quit. I'd look at the talented kids who were better than me without even trying and say to myself, "It's ok, I work way harder than them. Someday I'll be better." But in the past weeks, the past months, maybe even since last year, I feel like I've lost that. It shows even in the simplest of tasks, like swimming 400 straight yards of freestyle before a water polo practice. Old me would have ate it up, no matter how much it hurt. Now all I can think about is how tired I am and how much I want to stop and take a break. I hate thinking like that, but it seems like it's inevitable, because to consciously try not to think that would involve thinking that in the first place.

Outside of the pool, it just seems like that I myself am not willing to put forth the full effort that I should in order to accomplish what I want to accomplish, attain what I want to attain, to reach my dreams. I'll set a goal only to do nothing to achieve it, thinking that life to work itself out and give me what I want. It feels like I'm holding myself back. It's made me nothing more than a dreamer. There's nothing wrong with being a dreamer, but a dreamer who doesn't work for his dreams is nothing more than a fool who wastes his time idling the days away. I just don't want to end up like that.

I didn't write this post looking for sympathy. I basically just wanted to remind myself that I've got to stop wasting my time. I have to tell myself that I have to grow up and realize that I've taken alot for granted and that in real life people have to work, and work hard to reach what they want. I guess in essence I'm glad that I had a bad day yesterday. My pessimism helped my realize this, and instead of continuing to waste my days just going through the motions, I can begin trying to change my paradigm and recapture my old work ethic. Time will tell.

Time well'nt spent

Made up a new word: welln't. It's like didn't, but welln't. well+not. This morning isn't going to well. I have a free first period so after water polo morning practice, I come home and relax until 9:30. I spent the good part of an hour watching ESPN and reading SI when I got to thinking "Man, I feel so lazy. Isn't there something better I could be doing right now?" It bothered me alot, but I was too comfortable to get off the couch, so I didn't move. Finally I gathered the energy to get up and walk over to my room to write this post. It annoys me that I have this free time, and I'm too tired or lazy to use it for something productive. I'm proud that this is my second post of today though! But seriously,javascript:void(0) when I don't have homework or something I could be learning something useful, like french knotting, or playing the bagpipes, or something. Anyone got ideas?

Birthday Wishes

So it's a real good friend of mine's birthday today, and it got me thinking about birthday wishes. Everybody knows that when it's your birthday, you close your eyes and make a wish before you blow out the candles. I was thinking, you get one wish when you blow all of the candles out at once, right? So would it work if you made a wish and then blew out each candle individually, making a wish every time? Or is it like all the candles at once is one awesome wish, and each individual candle is one mediocre wish? Tricky stuff. There's some food for thought. Happy birthday Akshay (Kush)

Brotherhood

Brotherhood, as defined by the free online dictionary, is either the state or relationship of being brothers, fellowship, an association of men united for the same purpose, or all the members of a professional trade. By word meaning, free online dictionary got it absolutely correct. But brotherhood isn't something defined by words. It's a feeling. I know it's kind of weird to say this, but for me, it's a feeling feel in my bones. It's what Crystal Young Men is all about. Basically everybody knows something to an extent about the awkwardness and difficulties a guy goes through when their voices change, but what many don't realize is that it's far more awkward and irritating when you're in choir at the same time. Your range fluctuates, you crack constantly, and your confidence is at an all time low. Overall it's a pretty embarrassing period of time. In the Young Men we all understand what our newcomers are going through. I mean it's happened to all of us so we can definitely empathize with their situation. I remember when it happened to me it was crazy awkward. But the older guys didn't make fun of me, they didn't laugh at me. It was completely the opposite. They'd help me out, give me support, encouragement, and friendship. I thought those guys were the coolest guys ever and I wanted to grow up to be just like them. In choir, we're all really good friends. But I feel that the bonds we develop in young men goes even beyond that. We're all brothers. There's honestly no other way to say it. The very principles the group was formed from and grew from are trust, care, and love. Sometimes people can't understand how we're all such good friends for people who only see each other once a week. I understand their situation. If I wasn't in Young Men, I wouldn't understand either. It's a really great and unique experience, and I feel so appreciative that I have the opportunity to participate in it. We look out for each other, are here for each other, goof around with each other, face voice changes with each other, voice cracks and all. We're the Young Men.

It's Back!

This past weekend was one of the best weekends of my entire life. Not only did I spend 2 days at General music camp leading a pack of mini-choristers, but after we got back, we piled into a car and went to... The First Choir Rehearsal of the 2009-2010 season! I was exhausted on the way back from music camp, but on the ride to rehearsal, I could not have been more excited. I was basically hopping with anticipation. When we finally got there, I bounded out the door and raced to rehearsal. Honestly, it felt like I was 5 years old. It was hard to control myself. I got to the rehearsal room where everybody was waiting. I broke out into a huge beaming smile, I just couldn't help myself. I was so glad to be back around the people that I considered my family. As rehearsal progressed and singing commenced, the smile remained plastered to my face. It was no fickle sensation. True love. Break time was great, even more fun that rehearsal. It'd been so long since we'd all seen each other, there was too much catching up to do. Another round of rehearsing, and sadly it was time to go already. It was way too short. It comforted me that I had next Sunday's rehearsal to look forward to, and the one after that, and the one after that, for a long time. I smiled with content. Hey ya'll, choirboy's back. Life had never been better.

'You Belong with Me'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fw9QMSl9Xic
Story of my life with choir

(:
Eric

General Music Camp '09

General Music Camp was one of the most unique experiences in my entire life. It was absurd. It was such a strange mixture of fun and stress and exhaustion that I'm not quite sure there's another experience like it. Honestly, at first I was slightly skeptical of the whole deal. I'm not really the best with small children and spending a whole weekend leading a whole troop of them sounded like a disaster. After the first couple of hours at camp, my skepticism seemed like it was legit. It'd sometimes be hard to get my boys to listen to me, and I was already pretty exhausted. They never agreed on anything, or had any interest in participating in anything, whether it be group activities, rehearsals, or cleaning up after mealtime. Overall, it was pretty frustrating. At the same time, getting all this attention from my group members was overwhelming. Small children are pretty much open books, pure unfettered emotion. They don't have much to hide. I could see that to them, I was a an 'older cool guy,' a role model, an influence. It was pretty cool, but at the same time kind of staggering, knowing that anything I did could possibly influence their behavior in the future. As the day went on, it got better and better. My skill in lanyard making increased dramatically, as demonstrated by my construction of a pink acorn. After that was the campfire. It was fun, despite my group complete failure of a skit. We did a couple dances after all the skits were done, which we tons of fun. It was a good time just to be myself and not care what anyone thought.

I also really enjoyed bonding with and getting to know my fellow cabin leaders better. Our pow-wow at night was simple, but still fun and filled with laughs. I introduced the game 'Gorilla' to everyone and we had a great time making animal noises and 'bings' while laughing to the point of an ab workout. Then we reviewed our forgotten dances and listened to the teacher's excellent serenade. Overall it was a great time.

The next morning, it was a bustle of ceremonies, performances, and dances. Basically the fruits of our work at camp. After that we had play time for about half an hour. When it finally all came to an end, I kind of surprised myself. I was sad to leave. Through all of the stress, frustration, and exhaustion, I guess a part of me really felt it was a worthwhile experience all along. Well, hindsight is 20/20. And you know what? It was.

Hoping to come back next year,
Eric

Mr. Herberich

We had a substitute teacher who was really a character. His name was Mr. Herberich. He said it like it was. He told us how our teacher had a great lesson planned for us, which he also said would be wasted on our teenage minds. He talked about how Spanish is not an accepted language for a science major, and how he hated rubrics. It all seemed pretty trivial. He was a funny guy, who went against the typical teacher mold. He was entertaining, so we listened. Then he gave us a piece of advice gold. He launched into a story about his daughter who was applying to a prestigious college. She was smart, smart enough to get an interview with a drafting officer who would decide if she got in or not. She had lunch with the woman, a big English buff. It just so happened that his daughter had taken a great interest to a specific English topic, one that the woman happened to be in love with. The drafting officer was so surprised that his daughter could carry on a highly intelligent conversation about English for so long that on that alone, she got in. And so, concluded Mr. Herberich, always pay attention. You never know what in the future might help you out, so make sure you know it all. I thought that was really interesting, and it really did motivate me to pay attention more, to know as much as I could. After all, there was no way that his daughter could have known in high school that her interest in English would have helped her get into college 2 years later. It inspired me not to take knowledge for granted and to realize that anyone, anywhere can teach me something. Sometimes I feel we take knowledge for granted. We even complain about it. And yet without it we'd be completely lost in the dark. I also feel sometimes people aren't open minded enough, thinking that they are older, wiser, or superior, and therefore don't stand to gain anything from those who are 'inferior' to them. It's absolutely true that anyone can learn something from anything. Just got to have an open mind.

HAOP
(Have an Open Mind)
Eric